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@Mrs. Champagne: I wouldn't yell at another person for taking my spot either. I would be pissed, and definitely avoid that person and think badly of them, but I wouldn't go confront them publicly or yell. I'm just not that type of person--not a yeller, not a confronter. I don't think the fact that you move on with your day means you allow people to treat you badly, it just means you are taking the high road.
I have had people take a parking spot for me, and I can only assume they are really ill mannered in real life, and life will eventually school someone who does bad things.
Having said that, hey, people make mistakes (me too) and sometimes we say and do douche things. Give a little grace, be zen, focus on your own life, and move on.
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I think i'm more surprised by people who are okay with yelling/confrontation at your kid's school/daycare. DH always gets pissed at the parents who wear their muddy shoes inside when dropping their kids off because we end up stepping in a slush puddle, but i would rather not create waves that would impact my kid's friendships when it could just be dealt with the director.
@corduroy: you apologized and i don't think there is anything you can say that will make this dad change his mind about you. I would just avoid/ignore him.
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Avoid/ignore.
You made a judgement call seeing the circumstance; he is justified to feel pissed off (though I agree that as parents with kids in the same school I would try not to blow up). I guess I understand both sides... You at the moment felt like that was the best way to go; him at the moment probably are like all other parents trying to do this as quick as possible and naturally pissed off that someone took a spot he was signaling for.
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Honestly, I think the guy did the exact right thing. OP chose to inconvenience him rather than herself. It was a rude and selfish move, and he had every right to be pissed. I wouldn't be interested in hearing an apology either, she knew what she did wasn't cool. So he told her to save it. He didn't tell her to F off, because as others have pointed out, blowing up at a day care would be inappropriate. So he let her know he wasn't interested in hearing her apologize. Since she said above she "stands by the choice" it wouldn't have been a very meaningful apology anyway.
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He's not actually telling you to save your apology for later. He's telling you he doesn't accept your apology and there's no reason for you to speak it. It was a dick move, we all make them sometimes, just move on. Everyone will get over it.
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I mean, parking at daycares is tricky. Usually there arent enough spots at all...people are in a rush trying to get to work or home...so I can see where he would snap out of frustration. We are all stressed at times and snap.
Personally I would leave it alone - you tried to apologize. If he is a sane grown up he will realize that as he calms from the moment and likely move on himself. Or perhaps he may even apologize for snapping. I think you following up with another apology is a bit overkill and implies you feel wrong about what you did - which you do not.
In general I wish directors and daycare staff understood how frustrating parking lots are. We have a constant struggle and it seems no matter what you do you are wrong in someones eyes.
The people who double park and block/inhibit the flow of traffic due to inclement weather, lack of spaces, general sense of entitlement make my blood boil.
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i'm really sorry about that. no, you absolutely don't have to apologize again.
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@Truth Bombs: i agree.
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Interesting input. I hate breaking rules and conflict so this has been weighing on me way more than it should have. Fortunately for my sensitivity I can wholeheartedly say I wasn't putting myself first. If I had put myself first I wouldn't have gotten in the guy's way at all. If I had put myself first I would have stayed in the driveway spot that I pulled into in the first place and blocked that were ready to leave.
I was viewing is as a cooperative situation where we were all working together to get the kids picked up safely. I moved to allow the other parents out. I pulled into the spot because I couldn't go anywhere else. And I didn't pull out of the spot afterwards because by the time I could move there were enough spots for everyone waiting. It wasn't perfect but I thought it was good enough. But I put myself ahead of him because I stayed in the spot and did not drive around the block hoping one of the spots would still be open by the time I got back. Me ahead of him, everyone getting a spot.
Based on the guy's reaction and the thread I've learned that a number of people think what I did was unforgivable. That is new insight for me but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm going to forgive myself and move on.
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@Anagram: I agree with giving grace, you can waste your time getting worked up about something or you can give somebody the benefit of the doubt and move on!
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@Corduroy: FWIW when I read your initial explanation of what happened I didn't think you were a jerk at all. I was surprised so many people still thought it was egregious after reading what you wrote. I understood why you did it. I could see how the dad didn't and was mad, but he didn't even give you a chance to explain.
I understand why you think it was ultimately the right thing but still feel badly about it. You sacrificed one for many (dramatic but you get my point). I'm also a major rule follower and fret over these things but you know your intent when it happened so I like that you said you'll forgive yourself and move on - that's all you can do. I wouldn't engage this guy again unless he perpetuates it. Then I'd explain myself and if he's still mad then he's the asshole, not you.
I also can't imagine making a "thing" out of this at preschool/daycare with another parent. If that happened to me and the other parent apologized, I can't imagine saying anything other than "don't worry about it" - if for no other reason than I need to see this person daily and don't want to get all hot headed and regret it later. But mostly because if someone says sorry and seems to mean it, I accept it.
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I definitely don't think you need to apologize and discuss this further with him. You stole the space and the dad isn't going to see it any other way for him to be okay about it.
I recall once maybe even twice having to slide into a spot just to be courteous to other drivers, and then getting right back out because someone else already laid claim to the spot. You didn't have to stay and park there.
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People have got to chill out. I can't imagine being so rude to another parent at my child's school over a parking spot. @Corduroy, he should've taken the time to hear you out at the time of your apology. You made a mistake and wanted to apologize, immediately. He didn't and that's made the situation worse. I would voice my displeasure about the parking situation to the school and call it a day. Our preschool parking lot is awful as well and I've complained, as have other parents. The school has really tried to improve the situation as best they can. They can't change the physical layout, but they've started assisting parents with babies and/or multiple children with car seats in order to get cars in and out of there as quickly as possible. On bad weather days, they'll let us drop off at the door and not go inside. There's always room for improvement!
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@Corduroy: I feel like being in the actual situation, it should have been obvious that you weren't trying to be a jerk. You said sorry once and that's enough. If you were strangers in a store parking lot I could see this being a bigger issue. But, being parents at the same school I don't think I would have such a big reaction unless it was an issue that kept coming up.
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@Corduroy: I was wondering why you didn't pull in and then pull right back out. Don't let it weigh on you anymore, it's not worth worrying about days later. He will get over it.
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@Boogs: I agree! I understand that he was annoyed, but he had to be aware of how chaotic it was since that's the norm.
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@2littlepumpkins: Probably because she would have been in the way again? That's my guess anyway.
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@Andrea: I agree. I am so surprised so many people think "two wrongs make a right"! It's a parking spot. Maybe his frustration was justified, but in my opinion there are rarely times when it is justified to speak like that to someone, and I wouldn't say this is one at all.
To answer your question, I would just steer clear and if he approaches you, I would probably just avoid the topic. You tried to apologize and he rejected it - I wouldn't go overboard.
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@Boogs: by her update it sounds like he already had a spot by the time she could have moved. This was interesting! I was honestly surprised by the range of responses here.
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@daniellemybelle: I also agree with you. It's a parking spot. Two wrongs don't make a right.
That reminds me though - I was picking up my kid one day, and I double parked with the intention of getting out of there as fast as possible. Well one thing led to another led to my kid having to poop, and it took us like 10 minutes getting out of there. One of the teachers asked me to move my car because it was blocking in one of the other parents. I was mortified and rushed out of there to move my car, profusely apologizing to the dad. Instead of being angry, he gave me a lot of grace, said he understood and he knew what it was like having kids. I still remember the grace he gave me - his kid was right there and she saw her dad being kind, instead of being a jerk (which he would totally have been justified in yelling at me!!).
You made the best call you could, given the circumstances. Just try to forget it, ignore him, and move on.
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