What do you do?
This has been happening a lot lately. I usually comfort the kids, but then I feel like I'm "rewarding" them for being unsafe (if that makes any sense). But when they're crying big tears over a fall, my heart goes out to them...
What do you do when your kids hurt themselves doing something unsafe that you just warned them about?
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22276 posts
I will typically say, "well honey, I told you to be careful!" as I am comforting them...
wonderful cherry / 21504 posts
I hug her but also say things like, see this is why I told you not to do xyz. Mommy doesn't want you to get hurt! Feels a little "I told you so" but I also think in the moment is the best time to get it through to her that I tell her things for a reason.
nectarine / 2987 posts
If the hurt is really, truly minor and I am really, truly tired of the behavior I don't always comfort. I might say, sympathetically, that it looked like that hurt and they should give it a rub and go play and make better choices next time.
persimmon / 1322 posts
My kiddo is too little for this (only 3.5 months), but I've experienced this as a nanny, so different situation but similar as well. I always tried to comfort, calm the kid down, and then talk about why they got hurt. I feel like the reminder that they got hurt because they did something unsafe sticks with them better if they're already calm and comforted.
pomelo / 5628 posts
Comfort first, then talk about it. Getting hurt is such a good lesson in itself; I don't think it really need an I told you so. (DH likes to lecture as hez trying to comfort lo...mostly because it upsets him so much when lo gets hurt. It doesn't work.)
kiwi / 635 posts
If minor then I actually don't really comfort. Ha ha. But if it's major I'll comfort as I express how sad I am he's hurt and how I wish he didn't do xyz.. My guy is only 1.5 though.
pomelo / 5678 posts
"Oh honey, I am so sorry you got hurt, that's why we keep our butt on the seat, next time please keep your butt on the seat and listen to mommy, trust mommy, I am here to keep you safe, okay?"
(If she got hurt standing on her chair or something.)
papaya / 10570 posts
I find it really hard not to launch into a lecture but I comfort, while reminding her of my warning.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@Bao: Yep, this! I comfort, but use it as a teaching opportunity and say something like "This is why you need to listen to Mama when she tells you not to do X."
hostess / cantaloupe / 6486 posts
I usually comfort her and say something like "this is why mommy told you to be careful/watch out/get down. I just want to keep you safe."
blogger / watermelon / 14218 posts
I physically comfort with hugs, whatever it takes to get them to be calm again. No point in trying to talk to a kid who is crying/guilty/remorseful/panicked. Then once they are calm, I continue to hold them while sternly discussing what their mistake was, why I didn't want them to do it, and asking if they understand why they should never do it again.
I guess I am a lecturer!
clementine / 830 posts
I'll comfort but ask "what can we do better next time?" My guy is 3 so he'll answer me and usually the issue is resolved. My girl is 21 months and it doesn't work as well (yet? Hopeful). If they do get into the same situation, instead of saying be careful I'll remind them what happened last time and that's usually enough.
persimmon / 1328 posts
My DS is 23 months, I will straight away comfort him (in a non-dramatic, calm way which is what I would usually do). Then I will ask him to tell me what happened and why (I also would do this anyway even if he hadn't been warned). He rarely needs prompting to be able to say why, but I will help him if needed. Then I leave it there - I figure he's learned his lesson by getting hurt far better than anything I can convey in a lecture.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
My daughter is one of those kids that just doesn't seem to learn. She can fall a thousand times doing the same unsafe behavior. She gets an I told you so first, then comfort. It's the only way she remembers. And I try to take away whatever it was that led to the unsafe behavior but I can't exactly take away all the furniture.
pomelo / 5866 posts
Last night LO leaped from chair to chair in the dining room. I warned her and when she fell she didn't really hurt herself. I said- "you see! You need to listen to Mom. Otherwise one day you might get really hurt. I want you to be safe."(Old school speech handed down from generations. )
cantaloupe / 6146 posts
We give him a hug and say " I don't like to learn the hard way. Did you just learn the hard way?"
And next warning includes " do you want to learn the hard way?"
I don't feel like I'm rewarding him by comforting after injury that he "deserved." He might not be old enough, and also he isn't much of a daredevil.
pomelo / 5093 posts
I separate the comforting from the lesson. As a child I was always shamed like this, and it just made me absolutely risk averse, because I knew that if I took a risk and hurt myself, I wouldn't really be comforted. Only shamed.
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17 comments