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I will have a 3-year gap. I originally wanted a shorter gap but we weren't ready to have another baby when H turned one. It's going to be nice to have less time paying double daycare and they will be three years apart in school. I also like that H is older and will be able to help a bit more and be more independent.

We have an exact 3 year age gap.

Things I like:
-LO1 was potty trained, paci weaned, and in a big boy bed before the baby came. We had a few behavior regressions, but nothing related to any of those things, which had been in place long enough before the baby came.
-LO1 is pretty independent (when he wants to be). He can use the potty by himself, get himself things off the table/counter, go find toys or books, pick out clothes, go fetch items, put on his shoes and jacket...all of this is very helpful (when he wants to do these things of course).
- this won't matter if your kids are in daycare, but LO1 was able to be in preschool part time. This has been huge--it gives him a fun place to go, and gives me some time with just the baby.
- At 3, LO1 is still young enough to want to play "baby games"--he loves entertaining her during tummy time and likes her toys too (although this is also a negative!)
- This is prob the biggest one--I feel like i really got to enjoy LO1 as a baby/only child for a long time. I personally would have been sad about missing out on any of his babyhood because I Was expecting another child. At 3, he seems like more of a big boy, and I don't feel so emotional about him no longer being my "baby", if that makes sense.

Things that are hard:
- 3 is a hard age! Threenager-ness is real, and having a newborn in the house has not helped.
- I think a lot of the willingness to be helpful would improve even more with an older kid.

Mostly, I'm really really happy with a 3 year age gap, and could even doing 4 years. I personally would not want anything closer together!

@hilsy85: I agree with ALL of this. We are one month shy of three years (October 2012, September 2015) and this is spot on!

We are going to have 3.75 year age gap between DS1 and DS2. We had 2.5 year age gap between DS1 and DD. Honestly, I don't think the gap matters that much. I would just be emotionally ready to add another child and what that means to you personally. Two kids are MUCH more work than one and when you have a newborn there are pros and cons versus an older child with established routine. I guess my point is be ready for chaos whenever you decide to add another child. Chaos is good and bad.

@hilsy85: Exactly agree on our 3 year gap with our two.

My siblings and I are closer to 4 years apart and it was harder to "play" together and have similar interests.

We are expecting a 3 year gap. I wanted feel REALLY ready before we had another, and I didn't feel this way until LO turned 2. Different strokes for different folks, but I probably wouldn't choose 2 under 2.

DD is 2.5 and the age is just adorable. She communicates well and is fairly independent. She understands all about the baby coming, she is self sufficient and can follow directions. Maybe she'll even be potty trained... I feel good giving her 3 years as an only. I think she has loved it and now looks forward to the baby.

Another reason I hoped for 3yg is that kindergarten starts here at 4, so I wanted #2 to be a year before DD brings home illnesses.

DS1 and DS2 are 2y8m apart and it's been a really smooth transition for the most part for us.

DS1 is indepedent. He potty trained/night trained, moved to a twin bed, and started part time school this last year. He plays by himself, follows instruction (most of the time), etc. All of those things have been essential to making the transition to two as smooth as possible for us.

It's very easy to reason with DS1 (most of the time) and I don't think we could do that if he was any younger. He dropped his nap six months ago so no dream double naps over here, but he loves playing by himself so we're not missing the "break" time.

He's been super sweet to the baby. Any issues w jealousy or attention have been directed towards us and never at the baby which has been the biggest blessing. As DS2 gets older, they're getting more and more interactive with each other. And DS1 loves being able to "teach" his lil bro how to play with toys, feed him, etc.

If we have #3, it'll likely be a smaller gap but mostly because I want to be done with being pregnant/L&D rather than child spacing. The gap we have now has been a breeze!

Seeing my two neighbors have their babies with their own 3 & 4 year gaps has given me a lot of perspective ... the 3 year gap mama seemed to have a harder time with the 3 year old when the baby was born (because he was still very much figuring himself out & needing a lot of mom time). The mama with the 4 year gap seemed to have an easier time, as the 4 year old could entertain herself a lot.

Not that they're both 6+ months in, it's easy breezy for both of them. It might even be easier for the 3 year gap, because the 3 year old is still interested in some "baby" activities, and not demanding his own routine & time.

I saw your text this morning ... IF we have another, it'll be a 4-5 year gap. There are perks to a 5 year gap (not having to pay for 2 babes in daycare), so who knows. We're very much in the "maybe we're done, and we'll enjoy A forever??" zone.

I have a little under a 3 year gap. At first I thought I wanted it to be more! Since yes three-anger is tough. Very tough to manage a three-anger and an infant. I thought what the heck did I get myself into!!

Now that they are 1 and 4, it's actually has calm down a lot! They are playing together and it's great. Now I think it's a great gap!

Just power through the first year, and you will be fine. Haha.

We have a 3 year gap. I think everyone has covered all the positives, but I just want to reiterate how nice it was to have a mostly-autonomous, communicative child who could be reasoned with and understand things when also dealing with a newborn.

Mine are 3.5 years apart, and so far I love it (granted DD is only 6 weeks old...) DS is basically potty-trained (not at night, yet), he was old enough to be able to talk about the new baby coming and understand and get excited, he's independent, and is old enough to help me with DD and around the house (he helps with diaper changes, dinner, loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, etc). And I don't know if it's the age or his personality but he's shown very little jealousy and has been very patient when she needs my attention.

3.5 has it's own challenges...threenagers are real! But that's pretty unrelated to the new baby...it would be easier to deal with if I wasn't in a perpetual newborn-induced sleep fog

LO 1 and 2 are 16 months apart and that was like having two babies! Everything was manageable but we wanted a bigger gap for our next kid. LO 1 is 3.5 years older and LO 2 is 2 years and 3 months older than the baby. They love doting on her and there have been no big jealousy issues.., maybe that comes later when she can get into their stuff?!

I asked my MIL this question, because DH and his sister are 4 years apart. MIL said it was awesome and totally perfect. They have a really great relationship and are quite close. It seems like a long time to wait, especially given that it would mean an AMA pregnancy for me, but I'm strongly considering it. Definitely at least 3 years.

We have a 3.5 year gap and I was initially wishing they were a little closer in age. But bow that the baby is 6 months, I cannot tell you the number of times i have thought how thankful I am that the big sister is as old as she is. This is for a lot of the other reasons mentioned, but also because I do a fair share of solo parenting. I can trust her to play quietly in her room while I feed the baby and put him down for the night, or dress herself while I do something else, and I think we would have more challenges if she were younger.

In general I think most people find the positives in whatever gap they end up with because it is what you know and will become your "normal".