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I would tell her in private before announcing it to the world. I think knowing that you thought of her when you got pregnant, shows that you care about her and her feelings. (Definitely tell her this. It's always good and comforting to hear when my friends think about our IF struggle.) I definitely wouldn't hide it. It could make it worse. Giving her time to take it in, could help her emotionally deal with it.

Following, I'm in this exact situation with a friend who has been trying for 2 years and I'm also 13 weeks pregnant (actually 12+4 but will be 13+5 when I see her)

I would definitely tell her BEFORE you meet her. I inadvertently did this (told a good friend I was pregnant and she was struggling with IF, although I didn't know at the time that she was). I found out after and felt terrible-- especially because I thought I'd "botched it" by just blurting it out online rather than telling her in person. She told me she much preferred to get the news via email/online so that she had some private time to process and didn't have to be "on" immediately. Not that she isn't/wasn't happy for us because of course she is. But it's also hard to hear and I think it would've been hard if she had to immediately put on a happy "omg I'm so excited for you!" face.

I'd prefer to hear over a phone call so I could process my feelings.

@London Mama: Oh, if your pregnancy was unplanned. I would probably leave that part out. For her sake.

Oh, I'm not sure about in person, email or phone call. I guess it would depend on what was said.

Here's my advice: http://www.hellobee.com/2013/05/24/how-to-tell-your-infertile-friend-that-youre-pregnant/ : )

@London Mama: There have been a few threads around this topic if you want to try to do a search for them! You're very thoughtful to care so much about your friend's feelings. As someone who has been in her shoes, it's appreciated more than she'll let you know.

I was TCT for a year and a half with 2 miscarriages before we had LO. There were pregnant people around me everywhere. There seemed to be a new announcement every week, and it really started to get to me. I preferred to be told over email or over the phone so that I could process my feelings before seeing that person. It's not that I didn't want to be happy, but it's so hard to hear about others' success in something you're failing so miserably at. Having friends email or call gave me time to have a pity party for one without them seeing it. I never wanted to make my friends feel guilty for having something that I couldn't have, but I also needed to get some of my own feelings out on the situation before I saw that person.

I had a lot of instances where someone told me in person, and while I appeared happy, had to excuse myself. My emotions were just too much to handle at that time, and would have just appreciated the email or phone call beforehand.

Thanks again for being such a thoughtful friend...and congratulations

It took us longer than usual to conceived. We were about to start fertility testing when we got our BFP! That said, I would have wanted to be told on the phone or in an e-mail ahead of time. That would give her time to process (and grieve a little) and then pull herself together before you arrive. Even when you are genuinely happy for the person who is pregnant, it is a reminder that you are NOT pregnant... good luck!

@London Mama: Having been on the other side of this, I would e-mail/text her ahead of time to give her a chance to process the news. My BIL and his wife got pregnant while we were going through our issues and BIL called my DH to tell him, seemingly because it would be easier to break the news that way? I don't know. In any event, we were super happy for them but I WAS glad I had 10 minutes to process my feelings of "oh I wish we were pregnant too" before reaching out to my SIL over text. It was clear from her response that she was relieved we were fine with it and that she had worried about how to break the news.

@London Mama: You're such a sweet, sensitive friend! Just know that although your pregnancy may "make" her sad just because she wishes she could be pregnant, it doesn't mean she's not happy for you. There may just be some awkwardness. I hope you have a good time together and I'm so glad you emailed her and that it went well! It's such a sticky situation and she's lucky to have a thoughtful friend like you.

I'm so glad it well. It was very thoughtful of you to consider her feelings when you broke the news.

I'm glad you told her before hand - I had a friend tell me she was 13 weeks pregnant when I caught up with her a few months ago (we had just failed on our 12th TTC cycle ). Anyway I feel terrible about the way I dealt with it, I nearly started crying and then ended up having to tell her (& the other friend who was there) that I was infertile because of my sh*tty reaction to it all. A bit of time to process alone would've been easier so I'm glad you gave your friend that.