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Do you not have the authority to fire her if she is your assistant? Basically her job description is to help you get your job done... and she's clearly not fulfilling that role.

@LindsayInNYC: That sucks, I'm sorry. It makes me so mad when companies don't fire people who slack off. We have a few of those where are I work too. The job market is so tough right now there are literally HUNDREDS of qualified people who would be more than happy to work their butts off in a position, so why let someone who has a bad attitude and no work ethic stay?!

@LindsayInNYC: Ughhh, people like her drive me NUTS! Why on earth would you take a job as someone's assistant when it's clear that you don't like working FOR people?! I love the people I work for, but even when I haven't in the past, I love HELPING people be more productive- it sounds like she's not in the right profession!

When you talk to your boss, I would just say that you're uncomfortable letting her know when you're unhappy with her job performance and that having a "standard" discipline process would make it easier.

At the end of the day, what's more expensive- hiring and training a new assistant or hiring and training a new "you"? And not to knock my own job, but assistant's are much easier to find (usually) than the people we assist.

GOOD LUCK!

That's crazy! It may be awkward, but I would call her out on the fact that she misses deadlines and that's why you feel like you have the need to remind her. I would say it to her face too and not via email. People seem to say whatever they want through email. i'm grrrrrr-ing for you right now!

Situations like this are so difficult - it stinks that you are going through this. Here are a few things you might consider going forward:

1. Don't even try to analyze why she treats you this way . . . not only will you drive yourself crazy, but there is nothing you can do to change the way she thinks or acts. It is so hard to know what is really driving someone's behavior.

2. Never have an unsupervised conversation (in person) with her about her work performance. It should take place with your boss and/or HR, that way, there is a witness to what was said by whom.

3. For taskings and deadlines, send everything via email so that you can start to create a file. If you issue a verbal request, be sure to follow it up with an email confirming same.

4. Create a list of responsibilities and expectations regarding her job peformance. It is important (even if it seems obvious and redundant) that she understand exactly what you expect from her. Before presenting it to your assistant, have your boss review/approve same. When she deviates from the requirements, address it, document it, and keep a separate copy in a file.

That way, when you go to your boss with any recommendations, you can show him that you have clearly communicated her performance objectives and how (and when, and how many times) she failed to meet the standard. Ultimately, it will present a much stronger case for termination.

5. When she does something well or when she is having a *good* day, compliment her, and attempt to reinforce the behavior.

@LindsayInNYC: No worries about the length! I am an attorney too . . . and boy have I been there.

One of my first lessons as an attorney was to get over the fact that my assistant didn't like me . . . it was immediate and without cause, so it rented too much space in my head before I could just let it go. It really is tough to do, but after I decided that all I could do was to be as professional, fair, and as consistent as possible and that the rest was on her, it made it much easier to change mental gears. It was just too exhausting to try to change what I had no control over (or to beat myself up about it!). You deal with enough professional stress/anxiety as is!

Ultimately, (assuming you are on a billable hour system), if something is negatively impacting your billing/productivity, it is your position (so to speak) to bring it up. That does have a lot to do with not only your comfort level with your partner(s), but also what kind of "street cred" you have within your firm. In that regard, I agree with your parents to the extent that your concern has to do with your ability to meet (and exceed) your billable requirement which in turn impacts the firm's bottom line. As long as it comes from a business perspective, you should be able to avoid the "being overly emotional/female" track that can happen when women bring up work place issues.

It has been my experience that most female assistants will be infinitely more respectful to an older/male attorney (even if he is an asshat) than they ever will be to a young(er) female attorney. Now add in the fact that the man is a partner and that the woman is an associate, and it just gets even more murky and frustrating. (I am assuming, as sexist as it is, that the partner your assitant also supports is male).

And, if you can, just continue to kill her with kindness. I always feel better when I don't get bogged down in someone else's drama. (And It probably drives her crazy when you're complimentary.)

It really, really does suck, and is insanely frustrating . . . I hope that it gets better for you!