Afraid to test « Hellobee Boards

Afraid to test

By Autumnmama79 Sep 1, 2015

We've had two MC in the past 9 months and have been TTCing for LO#2 again for the past two cycles, no luck. During our TTC after loss, I've been forcing myself to become more and more detached - I'm just so scared to miscarry again and the heartbreak that could bring. My current logic is that if it turns out I am pg now, but don't test, if I do lose it in a few weeks then I'll just consider it a really late period and maybe I won't feel so bad. I realize how ridiculous this sounds.

My period was due last week and still hasn't come (since age 16 AF has been like clockwork, even post MC) and the only compelling reason I have to test is so that if I am pg, I can be put on progesterone or baby aspirin or whatever measures could possibly help us carry a second baby to term.

Anyone else been afraid to test?

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85 comments

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iluvboba637
kiwi / 549 posts

Sep 1, 2015

I was that way for awhile after 1 MC and 8 months ttc#2. I was always so depressed every month I was let down with a BFN and then again when AF arrived.

I just want to say though that it sounds like you may be in luck this time if you have always been so regular and are now a week late.

Good luck!
Raindrop
grapefruit / 4731 posts

Sep 1, 2015

*big hugs* Sorry you are going through this. I think I can relate... I had really wonky periods so I just didn't know what to expected and when we were TTCing for #2 it was always so disappointing to not see the pregnant symbol.

I would test so you can get on the drugs you need.

Good luck!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@iluvboba637: Thanks for your reply. Did you end up conceiving LO#2?
BandDmommy
pomelo / 5660 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Autumnmama79: I'm sorry. But I'd test so you can get progesterone if you need. Good luck!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Raindrop: Thank you. I would feel very disappointed if I didn't see a but I'd rather see not see one at all if it meant another MC. Gah. So torn!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

Thanks @BandDmommy, I should really just man up here and do it! But, scared.
Raindrop
grapefruit / 4731 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Autumnmama79: *big hugs* Is there any reason why you would think you will get another MC?

I mean I think having 2 in a row doesn't seem uncommon and so it's highly likely you will carry this one to term.

Edit : I know nothing about MC just what I have read on the boards.
iluvboba637
kiwi / 549 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Autumnmama79: currently 5w1day but so scared BC I suddenly don't feel pregnant at all anymore. Last week I felt very Preggo even before I got my BFP. I'm still testing and getting two lines though. Friday can't come fast enough to see the OB. Praying so hard that it's a sticky baby! It's hard to be optimistic when I've been let down so many times. But good luck to you!!!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Raindrop: I guess just bc of my age (36) and it seems after one MC, your percentage goes up a small amount, after 2 MC, it goes up a little more. And I guess fear has totally taken over and the pain of the losses is unforgettable.

I thank you for the positive thoughts
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@iluvboba637: I'm praying for you too then, congrats on your BFP!!!! Thats what I worry about too! The, 'not feeling pg anymore'. So I'm constantly poking at my boobs to ensure they are still ultra sensitive. So ridiculous.

Friday will be here so soon!
blackbird
wonderful grape / 20453 posts

Sep 1, 2015

The only times I've carried to term have been with progesterone and baby aspirin. So yeah, test!!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@blackbird: Gah! And congrats on your 2 successful pg

At how many weeks were you put on the progesterone and baby aspirin?
blackbird
wonderful grape / 20453 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@Autumnmama79: aspirin as soon as I tested positive, progesterone as soon as I got blood work
lovehoneybee
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts

Sep 1, 2015

Hugs! I know it's scary, but given your history if you are pregnant you could/should be taking steps to protect the pregnancy (baby aspirin? progesterone?), and you should be doing it ASAP.

Good luck!!
akcoffeebean
cherry / 204 posts

Sep 1, 2015

no advice but my heart hurts that you're carrying fear and grief. I think it's totally normal to be anxious after two losses. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a sticky rainbow baby and and easing of anxiety for you.
MaryM
pomelo / 5129 posts

Sep 1, 2015

I agree to test asap! I was put on progesterone even before bloodwork came back because of my history (one loss and low P during cycles). I was maybe 3w4d when I started P, and I'm 21 weeks this week.
Cole
grapefruit / 4649 posts

Sep 1, 2015

I am crossing my fingers for a very happy outcome for you! I wonder if it would be helpful for you to call your doctor tomorrow and ask what will happen once you have a bfp. Maybe knowing what happens next will give you some sense of control so that testing won't seem so scary. Big hugs to you!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@lovehoneybee: I should be doing it ASAP, plus with back-to-school around the corner it would be wise to know either way before then. Thanks for the good luck, I'll take it!

@akcoffeebean: Thank you for the kind words

@MaryM: Thank you and congrats on 21 weeks - thats huge!
simplyfelicity
cantaloupe / 6634 posts

Sep 1, 2015

I TOTALLY understand. After my losses, I didn't want betas at all. I wanted to stick my head in the sand. Just remember, every "succesful"pregnancy begins with a test, too.
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 1, 2015

@simplyfelicity: Thanks for the perspective, mama! Sometimes, after all the loss, the words "successful pregnancy" don't get heard or thought very often. Must do more of THAT.
dookie32
kiwi / 538 posts

Sep 1, 2015

I can understand where you're coming from- I've had 3 MCs in the past year and it's hard to get your hopes up again. I think it really depends on your personality if it will make things better or worse to be monitored. I have a friend who had a few MCs (one was a molar pregnancy) and when she knew she was pregnant again she decided to do nothing but schedule her 8 week ultasound appt with her OB. She just didn't want to make herself more anxious. For me, I'm too much of a control freak and even if it's not going to be a successful pregnancy I'd rather know early on. Also FWIW, I've been going to an RE since after my 2nd MC and it's his belief that progesterone supplements aren't effective unless you use them right after ovulating.
Nutella
persimmon / 1045 posts

Sep 1, 2015

Hugs to you! I'm not quite there yet, but I think I would be the same. I just don't know how I'll even cope with the tww at all following the mc!! But agree with others in that you should probably test to get the right treatment required if it's needed. Good luck!
Keybee
kiwi / 735 posts

Sep 1, 2015

Sending hugs! Good luck!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@Cole: Calling the dr. sounds like it might be a good idea. If I can get a minute away from DD today, I'm going to to do that. Thanks for the suggestion!

@dookie32: Thanks for sharing, I feel like I could go either way as far as trying to 'ignore' a pregnancy in order to self-protect or doing the multiple tests, going for betas and ultrasounds, etc... Gah. Interesting note about progesterone and ovulation, I can ask if I ever get around to the dr.

@Nutella: Thanks! I suppose I have't been coping very well with this now 3ww. I hope you do get there soon though

@Keybee: Thank you for the well wishes!
2PeasinaPod
pomelo / 5524 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Just wanted to lend some support! I had the exact same thought process as you. I 100% knew I was pregnant with LO, but I wouldn't test because I had 2 prior losses that were just really hard. So I put it off as long as I possibly could to try to protect myself. I hope all goes well for you
Raindrop
grapefruit / 4731 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Did you test?
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@2PeasinaPod: Thanks for sharing your story and well wishes

@Raindrop: No, I haven't
JoJoGirl
cantaloupe / 6206 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Definitely test!!! Like @blackbird said, if there are interventions that can help you *stay* pregnant, better to know sooner rather than later.
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@JoJoGirl: That really is the only thing to do I suppose. DD will be at grandmas overnight Friday, so Saturday morning might be a good time. That way DH and I can deal with the emotions, either way, without having DD here.
BandDmommy
pomelo / 5660 posts

Sep 2, 2015

@Autumnmama79: it's up to you but I'd test sooner rather than later so you can see your doctor.
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 3, 2015

Update:

So this morning DH put the pieces together (he's been working crazy hours lately) and got mad at me for not testing or calling my OB at the fertility clinic. He said what many of you said that if I am pg then I can be monitored or given meds to support the pregnancy. Upon his insistence, I did call my OB and the nurse set up a blood work appt for later today. No more burying my head in the sand.
snowjewelz
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Fingers crossed! Did you test yourself at all?
BandDmommy
pomelo / 5660 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: thinking of you! Glad you are seeing your doctor!
Autumnmama79
pear / 1703 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@snowjewelz: Thanks! No I haven't. Maybe I'm just scared of seeing a BFN and thats whats giving me the anxiety about testing. The nurse said its fine.

@BandDmommy: Thank you!
snowjewelz
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: That's good that given your history they're not making you test first or anything!
Raindrop
grapefruit / 4731 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Haha I'm glad your husband was able to read you and get you to get some blood work done! Good luck!
2PeasinaPod
pomelo / 5524 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Hope all goes well for you
MRSJX3
cherry / 245 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79: Good luck! I'll be praying for you.
akcoffeebean
cherry / 204 posts

Sep 3, 2015

@Autumnmama79:
Thinking of you today and hoping for peace either way.