Hellobee Boards

I'm not really sure how to respond to the content here. You are entitled to your feelings, but if they were ever heard/seen by your child, I would think that would be really devastating. I don't know what you're looking for in posting pictures (for us to tell you "no she's beautiful!" or "oh yeah, she's definitely less cute") but for the sake of your children I would really suggest removing their names and pictures from this post as once something's on the internet, it's there forever.

Oh my goodness she's so beautiful! Sorry you're feeling this way but really, she's lovely.

You are absolutely entitled to your feelings. I'm also not sure what kind of response you are looking for here.
Knowing from your previous posts that you have struggled with anxiety, I can't help but wonder if these intrusive thoughts are connected more to that than to anything else. If you have other unwanted thoughts, worries, feelings of tension, etc. I'd recommend speaking to your doctor.

I thought they were the same baby!! First, congratulations on your baby girl. I totally get that your feelings aren't appropriate to express out loud, but I get it. I worry my girls will look like their daddy! And my husband and I both talk about this second sissy baby that I'm pregnant with and we wonder if she will be as beautiful as our first girl. So I'm sure so many people shares these kinds of thoughts. But newborns in general often aren't very cute at all. And even some babies that I think have been "interesting" looking really grow into their looks. Things like differences with eye shapes and such will probably make your little girl #2 be absolutely amazing. And beauty comes from so much more than looks as our babies grow up. Your pictures of your girls are beautiful.

Yeah agreed, I really don't understand how posting this on the Internet with pictures and the names of your children and "getting it out" is supposed to make you feel better. Like, in a different context, if someone at their school posted something like this online, how would you feel? Its the type of thing that could be seen as teen cyberbullying. Think what you want privately, but you may want to exercise some prudence as a parent as to what you should share publicly.

For instance, I generally think all newborns are weird looking aliens. I don't think any baby really grows into their long-term appearance until 4-5 months old. I wouldn't have a problem telling that to my kids and I don't have a problem saying that on the Internet.

And FWIW, your daughters have a striking resemblance to one another. Like, I wouldn't have batted an eye if you told me they were twins.

The first few weeks postpartum are such an emotional roller coaster. Your daughters are both absolutely beautiful and I'm sure you will see this soon.

When my second was born I had a lactation consultant incorrectly tell me there was an issue with my daughters lower jaw and I spent the next few days thinking she was deformed. Once my hormones cooled off and I discussed it with her doctor I saw she looked perfectly normal and there was nothing to worry about.

You are not a bad mom for having worries, and I think it's perfectly normal to be hyper concerned the first little bit after baby is born.

Aww, they are both beautiful.. I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am sure in time you will see the beauty that is there.

double post for some reason.

dupe, sorry!

@CatchAFallingStar: Delete should be an option up at the top of your post by your post's title.

Intrusive thoughts are hard. For now, every time you think something negative about your daughter's looks I'd make a concerted effort to mentally list 3 things you love about her / her looks.

Oh man, I don’t think this makes you a bad person, and agree that at 2 weeks pp, you’re feeling a lot of things that you may look at differently a month or two from now.

I also think it’s totally normal to look at a newborn - even your own - and not be overwhelmed by their attractiveness, or even (gasp!) think you’ve seen cuter babies. You’re not the first person to look at your baby and think something looks strange - I promise.

I would delete the pics and names though - I think you might feel weird about this post in a few weeks if it’s left as is.

TBH I felt exactly the same way! DD1 was a very cute baby. I had a harder time connecting with DD2 so that made me feel even worst. Fast forward to when she was 15 months plus and she is the cuuuuutest toddler. Apparently she grew into her looks. My MIL always says my husband was an ugly baby too. Lots of babies are weird looking and it’s ok to think your baby is one of them!

Didn’t see the pics. I said from the beginning that my child wasn’t an out-of-the-womb cutie. Looking back at pictures, DH now thinks LO looks so much better. I think it’s natural to judge and size up your kid. I mean you’ve probably imagined which features they would get and you’re staring at your child all day. Our son has serious BRC, but his smile is undeniably the cutest smile I have ever seen.

You are not horrible, and I appreciate your honesty. I do think it is taboo to talk about (to say whether our own babies are unattractive OR beautiful), and that's probably what's driving some of the reactions... but we feel what we feel, and sometimes we can't help it. All of us have negative, intrusive thoughts sometimes, and it is human nature to compare (one might be smarter, one might be more athletic, one might be easier, etc.), but as long as you don't act on it and treat one better than the other, I think it's fine. Acknowledge it, ignore it, move past it.

FWIW, I saw the pics of your two babies, and they looked like twins to me too! They are both beautiful, and have the same coloring, nose, eyes... I honestly think they're both objectively adorable and beautiful newborns!

I have no doubt you love your babies, and hope you are able to move past this in time.

@CatchAFallingStar: I didn’t see the pictures but I totally get what you are feeling. I’m sure it will pass and it just has to do with all the PP feelings and hormones. Think about it this way - you have known and loved your older daughter for a few years. You’ve only just met this little baby. My guess is that subconsciously, you’re comparing your and connection and attachment and not really how they look. When my daughter was born, the first thing I thought when I saw her was “Omg she looks so much like my husband!” And not in a good way. It really freaked me out that she looked nothing like me and looked more like a boy than a girl(probably because I thought she looked just like him). I did not have that overwhelming love right away. But of course over time, I fell in love with her personality and face and everything about her. She now looks like a perfect mix of both of us andis strikingly beautiful and of course I wouldn’t change anything.

I’m sorry other people are shaming you for feeling this way and expressing your feelings. It’s important to shed light on all the ups and downs we go through postpartum and it’s not all lust and newborn snuggles. It’s so hard and you are very brave to be honest with yourself about this.

I felt very similarly when my 2nd DS was born. Here’s what I think happened: once I found out I was having a 2nd boy, I basically kept imagining my 1st DS again as a newborn. Then DS2 was born and didn’t look the same. It didn’t feel right! I didn’t think he was as cute or as perfect, and it took me longer to bond. But I really think it was having a 2nd boy and accepting that they would be different. I said so many times “he doesn’t look like mine” but I was basing that off 1 prior baby! Before DS1 I didn’t have any preconceived notions of what “mine” looked like. Anyway, after a few weeks of getting to know him all those feelings went away and I now think he’s just as perfect and adorable as DS1. I think your feelings are normal and will pass.

You're not terrible! My mom didn't think I was that cute as a newborn and when she told me about that I laughed. Dh and I joked a lot about our third being so hairy at birth but we both think she's sooooooo cute now and it's only a couple months later. (I mean we thought she was cute but we were blown away by the hair lol.)

With everyone buying all the baby accessories and posting all the baby pictures and all of that I can see why someone might be disappointed by a newborn that didn't look as cute as they hoped. Especially because newborns don't smile yet or say cute things or have activities/accomplishments to talk about, etc.

Just don't let it take over. Other than that, it's really nbd. And frankly neither are all the IG worthy pics. One day I hope this is a funny hormonal memory. But it does not make you terrible! And I didn't see pics but even if she isn't the cutest newborn that doesn't mean she won't be an adorable toddler or kid, and being adorable is a definite plus during the terrible twos. My kids have gone through more and less cute phases. Honestly I think all kids do.

I totally understand why you wouldn't say that out loud but it's really not that huge a deal.

As a side point.. if you think it might be anxiety related or PPD either seek help or just monitor for a bit for awhile to make sure you don't need help. I had some pretty dark thoughts and felt disconnected when I had issues with bad anxiety with my first.

Try not to focus on it, it'll be ok!