E will be three at the end of this month. Six months ago, she announced that she "wanted to wear pants and go on the potty like the big girls", so we bought pants (that's what we call underwear here) and she started using the potty. We did a bottomless weekend at home and she took to it really well. She even started taking herself to the toilet (wiping was hit or miss!). We had a spell of a couple of weeks when she would be dry all day, but sometimes wet in the evening when she was super tired..... but then..... it stopped. I think she lost motivation. She started having accidents more and more frequently - always when she was with us (she was dry with her grandparents 3 days a week, dry at nursery 2 days a week, then wet at the weekends). Then her baby sister was born (12wks ago) and all hell broke loose; we had every kind of behaviour issue all at once, but E realised that wetting herself was a sure fire way to get immediate attention. After a few awful days (including her taking off her bottoms and weeing in her wardrobe), we made the decision to go back to pull ups and try again when she was ready; it was affecting our relationship with her because our entire weekends were negative. We told my inlaws, but they refused to put her in pull ups with them because she was dry with them..... Well, wouldn't you know, she started having accidents with them too, because she was confused about when she could and couldn't pee at will. My inlaws approached us about it and, well, they made me feel guilty about putting her in pull ups. They urged us to go back to pants. So we did.

E's post-baby behaviour has really settled down now, but she wets herself several times a day still. She is dry with my inlaws again, and dry at nursery, but as soon as she gets home she wets. Weekends at home is worse than ever. She:

- refuses to go to the toilet /potty when asked. If you push her, it can turn into a huge drama.

- doesn't empty properly - so she will wet herself five minutes after a small wee

- she never goes when she first feels the urge, so even when she says she needs to go, there is a small wet patch in her pants

I'm tired of this now. Any ideas?

We've tried incentivising but its not working - we've had the same toy in the cupboard for 2 weeks, that we promised she can have if she is dry all day.