Should be forced to watch this TED talk. There is nothin more harmful than making people feel fearful about their own stress. http://www.upworthy.com/a-whole-new-way-to-think-about-stress-that-changes-everything-weve-been-taught-2?c=ufb1
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As someone who was diagnosed with a fertility issue this stung and hurt more than anything anyone ever said. Just because I didn't want to share my medical history and I had been trying awhile it wasn't fair for people to say, "Relax, it'll happen." It made me feel like I was stopping myself from getting pregnant.
Ironically, it happened when I was the most stressed. My due date from a previous loss had came and went plus it was our last cycle trying before an IUI. So there!
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@ladybee: exactly! People get pregnant under duress all the time. And nothing makes me feel more stressed than being told to calm down. It really trivializes and guilts the person in pain. People should just buy someone a spa certificate or a massage if they want to help, not tell them and "stress" them out over it. It's so unfair.
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Alll I have to say to this is blahhhhhh..........blahhhhh....blahhhhhh......lol
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I hated those comments! I have long cycles and I didn't ovulate until CD 30-35. If I didn't "stress" about it (my friends told me I was "trying too hard"), I would have thought AF was really late every single month. It made me so upset to confide in/vent to a friend about our struggles and have them make me feel guilty or like it was my fault I wasn't getting pregnant.
@ladybee: me too! I conceived my son 3 days before our due date from a m/c. That month, I was so upset and worried that I'd never get pregnant again. I did everything I could to try to make it work because that made me feel like I was doing something. I had several people say "SEE, it happened when you weren't trying" and I was like...no, I was actually trying really hard!
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You hear this so much in so many different guises whilst TTC. Stress does not prevent pregnancy, infertility does!
I really don't get why so many people struggle to empathise with TTC difficulties! -
Yep, I had a coworker tell me that I need to stop stressing about it and it would never happen and that I would end up ruining my marriage if I was always so stressed out when I confided that I miscarried and I needed to take a few days off for my D&C. This from a woman who has 3 children from unplanned pregnancies and works in HR.
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Makes me think of this:
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@pui: I love those ecards!
Doesn't it all make you wonder where this idea of needingo relax actually came from? I mean who was that first totally insensitive person who came up with this and more to the point, why did everyone else hear it and think 'oh yes, that makes sense, think I will dish out this little gem to someone one daytoo!'
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@pui: I mean no disrespect to you, but that card could be very offensive to someone with cancer or diabetes, because they could likely die without intervention, which is not the case with infertility.
I agree they are all medical conditions, but they're not quite the wrt to levels of complexity and mortality.
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@looch: The point is you wouldn't tell someone with cancer to just relax as if that by itself is going to help them, so why would you give that "advice" to someone with a diagnosed infertility problem?
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@pui: I get the point of the card, you don't need to explain what I can plainly read.
As someone with both cancer and diabetes in my family, it's insulting to compare them to infertility.
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@looch: The card isn't somehow trying to say that infertility is as bad as cancer or diabetes. I think you're reading in to this a bit too far.
Let's simplify it this way: you wouldn't tell anyone diagnosed with any other medical condition to "just relax" as if that's a cure, yet many do it for infertility all. the. time. No, infertility isn't life threatening, but it's certainly life altering and in general people trivialize it way too much.
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@looch: I wouldn't say that infertility is as life-threatening as diabetes or cancer, but it has been proven to be just as stressful emotionally as having cancer.
And thanks for sharing this! I too got pregnant this time around during one of my most stressful months ever. It also happened to be almost exactly a year after my first m/c.
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I think it depends. I knew someone who resigned because of stress and then she got pregnant. While I also knew some who are too stress and have children.
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@mylene: That doesn't necessarily mean eliminating stress in her life caused her to get pregnant. The alternative was never getting pregnant, so it was one or the other.
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@pui: No, you're right, I get what the card is saying.
I am also saying that sometimes, people react to media in different ways. If you don't want to see that, fine. At least pretend like you understand it could be hurtful.
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@looch: infertility is not a trivial thing and the card does not compare anything, it just offers examples of medical conditions with a physiological cause which need treatment. Infertility is often trivialised and it would be a good thing if society would take it seriously like other medical conditions. I am speaking as someone who has all 3 conditions run in their family and I have seen and felt the impact these can have.
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@Snowdrop: Please don't assign words to me that I haven't written. I am not at all implying that infertility shouldn't be taken seriously. I do agree it is a medical condition and should be treated as such.
It simply does not have life threatening implications, that is all, so it can not be compared to treatements for cancer and diabetes.
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@looch: The two can't be compared in the sense one would die without treatment for cancer, but they can be compared in the sense they are both medical conditions that are out of the afflicted person's control, require medical intervention and can't be cured with simple positive thoughts. I think that is all the card is trying to illustrate. I don't see it as trying to trivialize cancer or diabetes, but rather show how silly someone sounds when they suggest taking a vacation is going to fix a diagnosed condition.
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@pui: Let's just agree to disagree. I think we both are looking at this through our own personal lenses.
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I'm lucky that I haven't really heard this from anyone. I guess sort of once. . . someone asked me if I was having really good sex, b/c she heard orgasms were supposed to help you get pregnant. In general, I feel pretty lucky to have escaped these types of comments. Maybe I don't hear much b/c I've only really shared with immediate family and a few close friends.
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