I'm HORRIBLE. I know what J wants/likes/needs and how to get the best/easiest/fastest solution so I'm always telling DH these things b/c I hate seeing him doing it "wrong" but I recently realized I have to just walk away and be grateful that he even tries. J isn't ever needing anything or have any harm coming to him, so I just have to let them do their thing and learn their own way (the really really SLOW way).
Do you do this? How do you drop subtle hints to not offend DH?
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
Sometimes. But I try to tell myself as long as lo isn't in any danger, then let dh do his thing. He'll figure it out. Or ask me if he wants to.
GOLD / wonderful coffee bean / 18478 posts
I used to more when DD was a baby but I don't do it very much anymore. If it takes him 5x a long as me to do something so what? Eh, it's his time!!!
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@artbee: Dh would rather DIE than ask me. He'd rather ask for directions somewhere than ask me for parenting advice. Drives me nuts! I try to be really respectful but he just doesn't want my help. Soooo be it! 
@Andrea: Haha "it's his time!" love it!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
@babyjmama: my dh is pretty impatient. The other day we were giving her yogurt for a snack and she's at the stage where she's not talking yet so it's hard to know what she wants and communicate and you just have to try different things. She refused the spoon from him so he just hands the spoon to me without trying anything else (letting her feed herself, giving her some water, just taking a little break, etc) . Once he saw me get the yogurt in her mouth, he started asking questions.
pineapple / 12802 posts
I have a weird situation, I can see myself doing this but need to remind myself that my husband has 2 boys and has done this twice before, whereas I haven't. Then I think because he's done this before he'll be a backseat parent to me.
pomelo / 5093 posts
Noooooo. As the stay at home parent I do feel like I know it all, but I work really hard to not interfere with my husband's parenting choices. If it's not safety related, I shut my mouth. He does plenty of things differently than me, but I don't want him to feel like he has less say in how we parent her just because he's with her less.
wonderful grape / 20453 posts
Different isn't bad 
It gets the job done, right? I think insisting or thinking that we, the moms, are the only ones to do something "right" or take care of the baby "the best way" just sets us up for failure!
clementine / 972 posts
Oh, this will be really hard for me, I'm sure. I'm very opinionated and generally can't hold it in.
But, our friends just had their first and for the first couple weeks I watched her make her DH so anxious by questioning his every move (which I'm sure isn't the backseat you're talking about) and it made me cringe. He was so nervous to hold his newborn. I think they're better now, and she was just being super sensitive to her baby's fragility.
This is good food for thought though and something I should prep for!
grapefruit / 4649 posts
We don't have kids yet so I haven't crossed this bridge yet but with the families I work for I will often phrase my suggestion like "I noticed the coolest thing today- Suzy will eat twice as much if I give her a spoon to hold, even if nothing is on it! " even if it is a trick I have been using for years. I figure I will wind up doing that a fair amount with my husband, but to be fair he is pretty good at asking for help when he wants it and telling me when he wants to figure it out for himself.
grapefruit / 4136 posts
@artbee: Aww, I could see where it would get frsturating but that's great he ended up asking questions!! We found that if we're both in the room when we feed J that he gets distracted so for now we're just having one of us in the room (just in case that helps you guys).
@.twist.: Oh man I think I'd go bananas if DH was the backseat parent to me (which is why I shouldn't be to him!)
@sarac: I really like the way that you worded your point about the amount of time he spends with her doesn't mean that it's less important. Love that insight! Makes TOTAL sense!!!
@blackbird: Different totally gets the job done.
@Mrs. Lovejoy: Eeks! I try not to question his moves. I just know that if J is crying what will help sooth him the fastest, etc. but I'm letting DH just learn on his own and since I've been sick and quarantined they're doing just fine!!
@Cole: I like your gentile suggestions That could really work well!!
clementine / 972 posts
@babyjmama: I am sure you're doing just fine! Maybe you could ask him about it to make sure he's feeling comfortable and respected? You sound like a good wife for even caring so much about his feelings during this time!
GOLD / wonderful grape / 20289 posts
@babyjmama: its not my lo that gets distracted. Its dh! If he would just sit still she would be fine. But he goes on his phone, reads something, etc. And that distracts her. I keep having to tell him to focus on lo, I think hes finally learning though.
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