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Aw, your in laws sound so sweet! Mine are generous too - they paid for me to come on a European ski trip when DH and I were just dating because I wouldn't have been able to go otherwise. They also bought us an iPad for Christmas one year which is so over the top from what I'm used to - I think my parents bought me a sweater for that same Christmas. (Although my parents paid for 1/2 our wedding, so they can be generous too!) The trip made me feel uncomfortable, but I'm used to their generosity now, and very grateful.

Mine are very generous as well, but so are my parents so it doesn't strike me as oddly as it would seem with the way you were raised. They are super generous when it comes to LO. I was gifted everything I needed for LO, except for a few items. And I have yet to really buy him clothes or toys at 8 months as we get sooo much stuff given to us. They wouldn't pay our bills or help us with a down payment or any large purchases (but I am 32 and we are well established so we don't need it). I think just acknowledging their generosity and thanking them is enough. They probably get joy out of being able to help you. The time will come when they need help from you as they age and you will repay them then! Plus, time with LO's (assuming you will or do have them) is one of the best gifts to grandparents!

No Neither my parents nor my in-laws are in a financial position to help. My mom can be generous in the past, but taking her money comes with conditions.

@Cherrybee: I am in a very similar situation, my in laws, like yours, aren't super affluent but they have handled their money well and they are very generous. They paid for part of our wedding, bought us a washer and dryer as a housewarming gift, they take us on vacation every year and they usually pay for us to come visit a few times a year.

On the other side is my family, my parents are generous by nature- to a fault even, but just don't have the money to spare. Not only am I not used to such lavish gifts but it makes my mom feel really badly that she can't do the same things as my in-laws and it has caused some rifts between us. There have been times where she was convinced I liked them more, she refuses to do anything with them because it makes her feel inadequate when they talk about the trips they have taken or are planning. Meanwhile, my Dad passed away in November which leaves my mom with, obviously, a big hole in her heart but also in their already tiny back account. So now she sees them as literally having everything she doesn't. It makes things very awkward sometimes.

I guess for me, I feel badly accepting gifts and not being able to reciprocate, but largely they are so sweet about it that it just isn't an issue. It is telling my mom that makes me feel badly- and I can't just not tell her most of the time because then it looks like we chose to spend our money on going to visit them and not her or going on vacation with them. I am pretty sure I left out the washer and dryer though.

So I get it! Making matters worse is that my husband and I are doing pretty well financially too, we bought a house that costs close to double what they were ever able to afford. I haven't figured out how to help my mom without it looking like charity, especially since we live so far away. I swear being a grown up is trickier than I thought it would be!

My ILs are extremely generous. They took us to Hawaii for two weeks after we got married, bought us wood floors for the baby's room, and just bought us the four acre parcel next door to our property so we won't have neighbors. They are also very generous for Christmas. This year we each got an iPad Mini and they paid our winter property taxes. Last year, they bought us a riding lawn ower. They also buy us random stuff throughout the year. And do the same for DH's siblings. They pay our niece's private school tuition and have take. Her and SIL to Hawaii six times.

It makes us uncomfortable because we don't know how we will ever repay them. And DH has a lot of pride when it comes to providing for us, so he doesn't like to take things and feels like he doesn't deserve them. But we are working really hard at scrimping and saving to pay off debt right now so these are things we could never in a million years buy for ourselves, and they usually won't take no for an answer. So we just smile and thank them profusely. It's how his family works.

DH's parents want to be extremely generous. I think they would literally give DH or his sister the shirts off their backs. They live VERY frugally, but are always offering to "help" us (even though we don't really need it).

For example, we're still house hunting in a crazy market. His dad has offered to loan DH money for a larger down payment if it helps make our offer look better (we're already doing 25% down). Of course, we said no! (DH makes more than twice as much as his parents), but the fact that they know what he makes and they still want to help says a lot about them.

My mom is generous with gifts, but she totally expects us to take care of ourselves financially--which is good! I have two siblings that are a drain on her financially, so if she didn't set boundaries, she would have no retirement. She would never offer money for a downpayment or anything, but I'm glad. She's only 1 year from retirement, so I want her to save everything for her own future.

Both of our parents are very generous. My parents are a little more so, but I'm an only child, they are working and make very good salaries, and live in a very low-cost area. DH's parents are retired, so not as flexible with their money, but they are adamant about being able to leave a significant amount to us when the time comes. And they would drop everything to come to us should we need the help. We are extremely thankful for their generosity. They would go to the moon and back for us if we needed it.

That's so sweet that they help you out. My mom is just like your in laws. She gifts us larger items or gives us the funds for the items we need or want. The inlaws flip us 20 bucks for our birthdays & we score pretty good at christmas with our smaller items (books, blankets, gift cards, etc) but nothing like my family.

They use to help DH when he would get into finacial trouble but now that he is an adult & married they have really backed off.

I have to add that even though my mom has helped with larger items she has to see that we are working our butts off for what we do have. Its more of a I'm proud of your hard work, have a new garage door, type of thing. I use to live a very poor life after HS and didn't make healthy decisions. I had very little support from her then because I wasn't doing anything for myself, I was a bum.

My parents are very generous. They paid for our wedding, gave us a chunk of money for our downpayment, and a number of things for LO. My inlaws haven't been generous. During the wedding planning process, we didn't know whether or not they would pay for the rehearsal dinner. With LO, they gave us a few things. What gets me about them and LO is that he's their first grandchild. I would find a way to spend tons on him, etc., and they don't. For my parents, it's their 4th grandchild and my mom tells me that she's bought more books for him, etc.

My parents are the very generous ones and it makes DH uncomfortable. FIL has piles of money and is randomly generous with it and then randomly really stingy. He offered to pay for the bar at our wedding and then refused to pay for it when the bill came due but then gave us a huge check for our downpayment and then hasn't given DH a birthday or Christmas gift since we've been together.

@cascademom: ditto ! She always holds it over our heads !

@coacheswife123: Right now, I can't wait to return DH's baby clothes to her which she made a point of bringing up here and leaving with us. They sit in our closet because they're all too delicate and LO is too big for them. If she's so attached to them, don't offer them. I remember asking for pictures, etc. in general, it was a pain for her to part with them. Yeah, I'm never asking anything of her ever again.

My in laws are very generous, although they don't have much to give. But, my MIL will pay for my stuff half the time when we're shopping, even though I have every intention of paying for what I buy.

My parents are generous, but only to a point. They don't give out as much as your inlaws, but they take us to dinner and watch DS an awful lot. My mom bought us groceries after I got out of the hospital, and helped with cleaning. They even will let us live with them if we ever need to. But, they're not willing to make themselves broke to help us out. They feel like they've worked hard for everything they have their whole life and we should, too.

@Cherrybee: I think it might be harder in Britain where class issues are far more pronounced. The perception is that there is far less class mobility in Europe than there is in the US (even though the US is far less mobile than it used to be!). You are what seems to be a rather unusual success story... Which may create uncomfortable class issues for your mum

@Cherrybee: I'm very proud of you! I have a similar story minus the father problems, but I worked 40 hours a week to get through school (first person in my family too). And when I look at where I came from and where I am, it always tickles me to no end!

I am a little sad that my girls won't know what it's like to scrape and get ahead... But I always call my achievements the definition of the American dream... And to think you did that in Britain! Very impressive!

My parents are (and always have been) very generous. I know that it makes my DH feel a bit uncomfortable, especially since he grew up quite poor. My younger brother is also quite generous, which makes *me* feel a little guilty sometimes.

My in-laws are quite a different story. DH is one of 8 children, and with the exception of my MIL and one of my SIL, none of them are generous at ALL, and flaunt what they do have in front of those that don't. Without getting into too many details, they have treated my DH pretty poorly (with the exception of MIL & SIL) to the point where he basically doesn't have a relationship with any of them. I think this is partly why DH is so uncomfortable with my parents generosity, because he simply isn't used to that sort of thing.

@septemberlove: I could have written your post! Christmas at my parents' house used to be really uncomfortable for DH - he was used to receiving one gift from his mom and one from Santa. It was major shock to have Christmas with my family; he was so overwhelmed everyone thought he was angry (he's gotten much better since).

Also, my mom is a major bargain shopper, so she is constantly bringing over things for the baby (clothes, toys, diapers, etc). I'm sure it makes MIL feel a little guilty, because she is not in the place to help out in the same way. But MIL does lots for us too (in different ways), and we are so grateful.

@Cherrybee: your journey is inspirational.