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Loved this. Sometimes my kid comes first, but I still gotta take care of myself as much as I can

I think it's hard to do as a SAHM because I am the primary caretaker. But where I have really struggled is also taking care of DH- trying to make his life easier, letting him sleep in because he worked a lot, etc. And there's still this notion for a lot of people that SAHMs *should* do all the household tasks and also be all about the kid(s) or they're being lazy. But that means as a SAHM your life is always about your family and for me that has made me unhappy so I'll be working shortly after this baby is born. For me the solution is finish my classes and go back to work (the months I have worked post baby I've seen work as something of a break honestly!) but I am honestly not sure what I would do if I were going to stay at home with lo2.

@Cherrybee: lol those are good points. I was just assuming she's a night owl... I have been doing school not work lately but I don't work on anything at 330am either!

@Cherrybee: haha I had the same thought! 3:30AM? No.

It's not like this is an all or nothing thing. Sometimes you put yourself first. Sometimes you put others first. But you find some balance

@Rockies11: You articulated that much better than I could! And the way she refers to her husband's snoring as a sweet sound?? Yuk! I want to smother my husband when he snores when I can't sleep for whatever reason!

@Cherrybee: lol seriously. I've never been so much of a martyr that I'm up until 3:30 for any reason other than a screaming kid.

Edited to delete my comment because I basically agree with everything @Rockies11: said.

@Cherrybee: lately I've been beating myself up for not being able to get up before my kids...so I'm glad you said that. I just can not wake up that early, especially since sleep is still interrupted. I'm glad I'm not that only one!

It is for this reason that I chose to go back to work part time and train for my first marathon during my son's first year of life. He'll turn 11 months old the day after the race. Training for a marathon is a LOT of time running....which translates to a lot of time I've had to carve out for "myself," which is hard to do as a mom-especially a mom that's still nursing! It's my goal for ME, and I don't feel selfish in taking the time because it makes me a better person, which makes me a better mother. It's also meant my husband needs to step in and be hands-on with childcare during the weekend, which has helped him bond with our son. I have zero regrets about choosing to do this, and encourage every other mother to find something she's passionate about outside of her child/children.

@youboots: @Mrs. Carrot: Thank you both.

I think partner/community support against this kind of martyrdom is so, so important. Its not easy to self-police the martyrdom and I know I couldn't have survived without my husband kicking my butt about it.

My husband and I agreed to before we had kids that we would put our marriage before our children because ultimately it would make us better parents and human beings. Practically, taking care of our marriage meant we were taking care of each other's needs and prioritizing time and money and energy to ensure that the other was healthy and sane.

After we had our son I had a terrible time (rough labor, jaundice/NICU, colic, reflux, PPD/PPA) and I was home alone with the baby while my husband was working his tail off to support us. I didn't sleep because my son was either screaming or I was pumping/breastfeeding around the clock because I had very late and low supply. Pumping made me nauseous, so I never ate since I was pumping all the time and I lost a scary amount of weight.

My husband didn't know what was normal and what wasn't for the first few weeks, but after listening to everything our pediatrician said, he really made it his job to stay on top of me and kept reminding me that if I wasn't well, our marriage wasn't well, and that I was ultimately doing a disservice to everyone in the family. He made sure to reiterate that ANYTHING that would make my life easier was the priority in terms of our household resources. He took over baby care where he could, he pushed me to get treatment for my PPD/PPA, told me to hire help and get whatever gizmos and products I needed to get through that season of our life.

I'll never forget the night DH asked me to start supplementing with a single bottle of formula at bedtime so I could go to bed and get a stretch of sleep. I was a sleep-deprived, emotionally unstable MESS at the time. I went on and on about how it might affect my already low supply and all the other EBF talking points. DH listened to my crazy lady rant and then gently said "all that stuff about breastfeeding may all be true, but what if a bottle of formula is better for our marriage?" It was like a bell went off in my head. We went out and bought formula that night and I went to bed.

A similar discussion has happened at every developmental stage for DS. Sleep training, childcare, working - all of those decisions were based on what helps preserve our well-being as individuals and as a couple. Whenever I try to take on something, or go without something because "I can just do it myself" he always crinkles his face and asks me if I REALLY think its a good idea. And then it reminds me that if I take on too much, a frazzled/tired/sick/mean/screechy/stressed out mama/wife is what my family is going to remember over the thing itself.

I'm actually going through an exercise right now to try and prioritize what activities and things are essential and beneficial to my life in order to continue this habit. We are going to be TTC our second baby, so I really want to make sure these habits are ingrained better before another baby joins the family.