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I can't say how I'll feel in a few decades, but I don't regret my decision to stay home with my kids at all. But my husband and I don't plan on me going back to my old job ever. At this point we're really hoping to start our own business once he retires from the Navy (at which point he'll be collecting a pension and we'll have healthcare for life).

Umm I don't think her "mistake" was becoming a SAHM, it was losing herself which she could do in any "job" or lifestyle. I could easily do this OR I can find other ways to push myself & excel while still being home (I work from home as part of a ministry my mom founded). I have seasons where I feel like this b/c I've let life get in the way of feeding my ambition & then seasons where I know I'm in charge of finding & executing that fulfillment. I'm sorry the author didn't do the same, but I don't think feeling like this overall is something that you have to experience as a SAHM.

I saw that yesterday and it kind of pissed me off. I am planning to be a SAHM once LO gets here in a month or so. However, I have fully thought out all the things she is saying here as regrets and things she didn't think of. Like @Navy_Mommy: I don't think I'll go back to work in my current field after the kids are in school, and we know it's going to be a lot tougher for me to get back into a day job after several years out of the work force-- I don't see how that can be a surprise to the author. What she regrets is not thinking things through, not necessarily being a SAHM.

And the parts about letting her teachers down or letting down the women who had come before her really annoyed me. I wasn't a fan.

I thought she had some good points. Except for the one about feminism... I firmly believe feminism is about having a choice (not about which choice you make).

@mrbee: She had some good points, but I think the biggest problem for her was that she didn't think long term, not that she chose to be a SAHM.

Really, I think it's a ridiculous piece, and she sounds like a bitter bat because she doesn't have a job now. I think it's dumb for your childless friend to try to "warn" women about something she has never experienced.

@Foodnerd81: "And the parts about letting her teachers down or letting down the women who had come before her really annoyed me. I wasn't a fan."

That annoys me too. I'm not a feminist in the least, but I do agree that every person (male or female) should be able to make their own choices. Her making these claims says 1) pursuit of knowledge and progress just for the sake of becoming a better person/society is foolish and 2) I'm foolish because I had a choice but chose to be a SAHM.

@Mrs Green Grass: Nicely put.

I actually think the article was really poignant. It is easy for us to say now that we don't regret staying at home or not staying at home. It's only been a few months or a year or even 2 years for some of us or perhaps longer.

But being someone who is in a career, giving it up, then finding your children have left their nest and (sounds like) do not respect the fact that she gave up her job to take on the important job of their mom. I gotta imagine that's disheartening and heart breaking. So honestly, I give her props for writing that article.

@regberadaisy: I think we will all find that our children won't fully appreciate everything we do as a mother, working or not. It's a task that requires sacrificing yourself more than imaginable. As a mother now, I still don't think my appreciation matches my mother's sacrifice.

I don't find this offensive. She is owning up to her lack of foresight and I think she's talking about her own experience. She isn't saying that everyone will regret being a SAHM. I have a lot of same worries that she brings up, but I hope I won't look back with the same regrets.

@regberadaisy: I agree. It made me really sad to read her article.

It's obviously something she really has thought a lot about and has a lot of regret over. I feel bad that she ended up in this situation. Everyone has a different experience, but she wrote hers. I don't think she was trying to push her opinion on anyone else.

Definitely a touchy subject but I thought it was interesting. As a WOHM it definitely gave me some things to think about during those moments where I am feeling all "screw you guys, i'm outta here!" in my workplace. Haha.

We all have our own experiences and as we all know, there's no winning the mommy wars! But just like we hear a lot about moms who leave the workplace because they have massive regret about working outside the home, it's OK to hear about regrets from people who have regrets about staying home as well!

I don't think she sounds bitter and I don't think she's generalizing to other women. It didn't work well for her in hindsight and she's sharing why so that others can reflect on their own situations. She didn't sound bitter or angry to me. I got the feeling she was just reflecting.

@mrbee: Agreed: feminism is about having a choice.

@sloaneandpuffy: Nicely put! It is okay to hear a story from a mother who regrets staying at home for as long as she did. She's not saying that all SAHM will feel this way only telling her personal story. And I think her story can be a reminder to SAHMs to make sure they also find fulfillment outside of raising their children.

@looch: I totally understand what you mean. I don't think your post is offensive at all...everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions on this. I wouldn't mind SAH for a short, limited amount of time, and in my career I could without too many repurcussions--but I'm not one of those women who always wanted to just be a mom. If being a SAH mom is another woman's end goal in life and mine is juggling career/mommyhood---great! We can each do our own thing.

And I also agree with you that a lot of it probably has to do with who has the highest potential earning capacity--that's another reasons I could potentially SAH if I wanted. My husband makes 3 times what I make. But it's a lot less common for a woman who makes a lot of money to completely quit and SAH permanently, for the rest of forever.

I don't think she is really even speaking about other women, so I'm not sure why it would be offensive. I think she is sharing her own personal reflections on what she has done with her life. I am a SAHM and I do have the call to go back to work and "contribute", so to speak. I don't regret taking the year and a half I have taken to care for C and be here when she was a baby. I think I would regret taking 20 years though.

Feminism is absolutely about being able to have a choice to do what we, as women, think will make us happy and feel fulfilled with our own lives, whether that is being a neurosurgeon, a secretary or a SAHM.

@Navy_Mommy: I don't think I wrote that, what I was trying to get across is that when you're fairly green in the workforce, your pay reflects that. Compensation usually rises with experience, so the longer you work, the more you make, and the harder to give that up it becomes. You (in general) don't miss what you don't have, I guess.

I liked the article, thought it was well written. She was very careful to stress her love for the time she had with her children. However, she's entitled to not being satisfied with her decision now that the time has come to reflect.
I was a SAHM with my first while I was married to a Navy Sailor and believe it or not I HATED it. Like HATED being home daily. I LOVED the time with her but I am not cut out for being a SAHM. I'm just not. That doesn't mean that I don't understand how important a job it is. It just isn't for everyone and sometimes I think it's totally possible to look back and wonder what could have been.
I think it's a perspective that should be talked about. If WOHM can regret working then SAHM can regret staying home.
It goes both ways.

@Grace: My guess is she would have a live-in nanny.

Everyone is different, and not every mom is meant to be a SAHM. Personally, I've been a SAHM for 23 months and plan to stay that way for as long as possible.
-I let down those who went before me. My mom is the one who went before me. She was a SAHM and loved it. She encouraged my decision. I think it's great that women can do all sorts of things now, but it's our choice. This is my choice.

I used my driver's license far more than my degrees. I have my masters, and I do admit that I'm not using it now. But that doesn't mean I won't use it in the future. When my kids are in school I'm probably going to be getting a part time job. Yes, I still won't use it as much as I could have.... but being home is my priority.

My kids think I did nothing. My mom was a SAHM and I never thought any less of her for it.

My world narrowed. I used to work with all women, I'm in a field where it's mostly women. Now I actually see a lot of dad's and grandpa's when we're out at the library, playground, etc.

I got sucked into a mountain of volunteer work. I guess I'm not at this point yet.... but personally I am hoping to have time to volunteer at my kid's school when they are older.

I worried more. I don't think anything could ever make me worry less.

I slipped into a more traditional marriage. We've always been pretty traditional in our gender roles and that's the way I like it. I don't want to take out the trash, get an oil change, etc. I'm happy doing the cooking instead.

I became outdated. I've always been behind on technology, pop culture, etc. That stuff doesn't interest me.

I lowered my sights and lost confidence. I don't feel like I'm doing this. I am an artist, and while I don't have as much time as I used to, I still make art. And as the kids grow older, I'll have more time to do my own thing.