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S will hopefully outgrow the trampling and snatching soon. I think my younger one got the concepts of "not mine" and waiting for her turn a little after 2.

It sounds like E wants your attention all the time. Is it only you she's all over, or does she dial it back if you're with other adults or with kids, in a park for example? What happens when you tell her "tough love, S also wants me to read her book and she's little and can't wait so long?"

You can't be all things to both of them all the time, it sounds exhausting. Maybe E needs another outlet for her need for attention, like dance or drama class And maybe it might help to accentuate the attention she's getting from S - maybe she might eventually grow to see it as a good thing. Especially once S grows out of snatching stuff.

And the thing with E taking toys from S! That was a problem here for months. It really pushed my buttons, it's just so mean and pointless. So glad DS has finally stopped doing it. He's a little older than E, but usually very easy-going... it might take her a bit longer to learn to play nicely with her sister.

Wow, you definitely have your hands full! Sending you love and patience!!

Does S still nap? Maybe you can plan a special snack with E during S's nap. You kind of get a break (no reading/ playing) and she gets 1:1 mommy time.

Ok I fully admit I'm still cooking LO2 so I have no personal experience to share.

However, it sounds like what she needs the most help with is learning how to handle her emotions. It's fine to be jealous or to want your attention or have whatever emotion but her way of dealing with the emotions is not appropriate. I was talking with coworkers this week about problems they were having with their kids not handling their emotions in appropriate ways and one of my coworkers has seen a lot of improvement in her child through therapy. It's play based therapy and she says her kid loves going. I also think it might be up her alley because it would be one on one adult attention.

Anyway just a thought, I hope things improve soon and I'm glad at least your second child sounds a bit easier!

@Cherrybee: you know my kids are close to your kids ages, and my C is similar to E in her lack of easy going- ness.

I don’t have great advice, really, but some hope to offer- G is 22 months now and I would say in the last two months or so she has started listening to books so much better. It’s made reading to both of them so much easier.

I also echo getting out of the house. We have a playground nearby that I don’t have to hover over G and can just watch both kids playing. And that’s another thing coming really soon for S, she’s almost at an age where you won’t have to be right on top of her. Also I have purchased duplicates of some toys to avoid fights.

C still does quiet time during G’s nap time. I tried dropping it and we would have special time to do a craft or read or whatever, but really we both needed the break. Now she has to play quietly or read or rest in her room for an hour until her clock wakes up. I take the hour to rest, chores, and recharge before they get up.

I have a 5.5 year old and an 11 month old so not exactly in the same boat yet but we recently got the 5.5 year old kids headphones for his tablet and he loves playing on it by himself now. Also, a friend of mine had two close in age (not exactly the same problem) who often fought so she gave each kid a small bin that they could put any toys they wanted in. The other kid was not allowed to touch the contents of that bin. She said it really helped reduced the fights in their house as each kid had certain protected toys that their sibling couldn’t touch or mess up. Just a thought.

We have two that have a similar gap to yours. I will admit, my older one is not as intense as E is. But we have similar problems with my 14m old trying to steal the almost 4 year old toys while he’s playing with them. There are a few things we do. One is that I tell DS to give her something else and see if that helps. I sometimes will tell him that he can choose to deal with her and hang out with everyone, or he can take his toy and play in his room with no one to bother him. He always chooses to stay. His last option is he can sit at the kitchen table and color or use stickers and I will gate her away from him.

I do not punish the toddler, I tell them both that we don’t take things from each other and that we share toys in our house. And if they can’t find a way to share it’ll go in time out.

I also think E needs some boundary setting. If she wants you to watch her show, tell her no. If she complains tell her she can watch by herself or the show will get turned off.

And if DS threw a tantrum about taking turns with books I’d give him a timeout. I know that’s not a popular solution but it’s effective for us. To me that behavior is not ok and natural consequences aren’t always strong enough with a spirited child.

is there a way to set up your house so that E can be near you but have a protected play space? my daughter is 4.5 and my son is just over 1 now. They are in totally different play stages- the older one wants to set up complex stories and small world play, and the younger one literally only wants to pick things up and throw them. Its completely incompatible. The way our house is set up I was able to put some of her stuff in one room (and she can bring other toys in there), and his stuff in another room. The rooms are separated by the kitchen so I can be in there doing whatever, but they are both technically next to me. You could set up something similar with those baby gate things- like make a pen?
Otherwise, we are outside as much as possible. As for encouraging independent play, try scheduling it so she comes to expect it? And start with small expectations? If I play with my daughter for 10 minutes or so, and then start tidying something nearby, she will often just keep going by herself. She rarely wants to go play by herself in her room, but if she can see me/ ask me to watch her do things periodically she's much more content.

That said, it sounds like your kid has some unique needs and it sounds very challenging. You are doing a great job, truly. And therapy never hurts anyone, so you could always give it a shot and see how it goes. Parenting is relentless and exhausting and overwhelming at times.

@Cherrybee: my therapist recently recommended “Parenting from the inside out” to me. I can’t speak to it yet, as it’s on my library hold list, but maybe see if you can find the audiobook for your commute even? And therapy isn’t crazy to consider for you. I’ve been really grateful for that outlet for myself and I think it has seriously helped me become a better, less reactive parent.

I used the advice to make a point of saying things like, "ok baby you need to wait since i need to help your big brothers" Obviously there were times the baby couldnt wait but i made a point saying phrases like that when my younger one was fine. Even going out of my way to at least make it sound like they all were having to wait, take turn, etc. I think it helped.

I have a 14 month old (DS) and a 5 year old (DD). We don't have a ton of space. Two things we've done.

1) we still have the lotus travel crib up and DD will sometimes zip herself in to play with dolls or build stuff so DS can't get them. It was her idea.

2) we used the play kitchen as a diagonal wall between the couch and the media console. DS plays with the kitchen and DD plays in the little space created. She can set her dolls up on the console and hand things to him through the kitchen.

Everyone is in the same room doing their own thing.

Following along! I have an almost 3 and almost 1 year old and I see this happening too when it's just me & them!

I was just thinking of this thread as I was doing a puzzle with my 5 year old. His 1 year old brother came over and started pulling it apart. The response was, that's ok. I'll just get another puzzle for him to pull apart. Problem solved.
I really feel like it would be most helpful to work with your older LO's response to younger LO rather than forcing independent play. It seems that you don't see them much during the week and they both really want your attention on the weekend. So give it to them with the expectation that they learn to play with each other. When my second was small, we did a lot of repeating of things like, "we can always rebuild it!" when baby knocked down blocks or whatever. And just always remind that she is still a baby, still learning, needs bigger LO to teach her, etc.
Sorry this is so rambling. I hope I am not misreading the situation.

Also, sometimes I still strap my giant 2 year old to my back while I cook, because she needs attention and to be close to me, but I need to get dinner ready. Surprisingly she still tolerates it. And the older one gets a stool next to me and an easy job (like stirring potatoes with olive oil and some seasonings in a bowl).

@Cherrybee: She can be upset and her needs are still being met. She may lash out but she still knows from your day to day that you still love her infinitely. That's why she feels she can lash out. My older one told me to take her to live somewhere else (so she could get her way) this weekend. Also within the past week or so: "we live in the perfect family." They're little, this is what they do I suppose. There has always been a lot of "sportscasting" in our house and I find that helps dd feel supported, even if I'm not changing the course of action or scolding her brother.

I only ever did therapy for PPD and I didn't like going but even in the short while that I did, it did help.

Fwiw as others have said having physical spaces just for my older one has helped a lot. She has a desk full of stuff her brother can't do, and she goes up to that room for quite some time at times. The kids also do a lot of bigger toy or sensory activities together outside, or just are out there at the same time and tolerate each other (and everything else it seems) better out there. As far as tv goes we've always let the older one pick and if the younger one happens to watch some that's fine and if not that's ok too.. only recently has he had any say- he's now two. We also assist him in following many of the same rules dd has to follow.. sometimes not so much because he understands but so that she understands that we demand certain behaviors from her but as time goes on she will also be able to expect the same from her sibling/s.

Last thing I would say has helped my kids be close is room sharing, but that's a whole other topic.