My son's preschool is fantastic except for one thing....they are fixated on his thumb sucking. They do a sticker chart and treasure chest every Friday. His teacher told me today that starting next week he will lose stickers for thumb sucking. This really bothers me. I generally don't like behavior charts but they are so prevalent around here that I've accepted them in a school setting. At home we don't do rewards or punishments for the most part. But the idea of punishing thumb sucking really upsets me. We are going to talk with his teacher about it but are not sure what to say. The pre k is run by the education department of a fairly well regarded private university so I'm frankly shocked they are even considering this. Am i overreacting? His last school (Montessori) also tried to break his habit and I finally told them to stop because he was getting overstimulated and I didn't want to take that coping mechanism from him. But that was a year ago (he's now 4).
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I wouldn't be happy if our preschool were doing this
It seems like in a preschool setting they should really defer to the parent on this issue. It's not hurting anyone, disrupting the class or (presumably) interfering with him learning. If they want to praise him when he's not doing it, fine, but the chart seems too formal to me. My daughter is almost 4 and sucks her thumb at night. Our dentist wants us to tape up her thumb and I'm pretty much ignoring her. It a comfort to her and I just feel like she's still so little...
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I wouldn't be happy with this. I had a thumb sucker. Daycare made her wash her hands every time they caught her sucking it, not including nap time, but that was it. I don't like the idea of losing things for doing what he does for comfort. Are they going to take stickers away from the kid who rocks himself to calm himself down? The kid who needs a teddy bear to nap? Nah. I'm not ok with this.
Mind you - we stopped our daughter from sucking her thumb. Daycare was not a part of that.
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I don't like this.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: nope. Not cool. Daycare should not be punishing a child for something like that (actually, I'm having a LOT of trouble processing a universal behavior sticker chart system which is punitive vs positive.) Ive had several thumb suckers in my preschool classes and either supported the parents' plan to help them quit or ignored it other than asking the child to wash their hands more frequently. You should tell the teacher Monday that you're not comfortable associating his thumb-sucking with the sticker chart and she needs to choose another...goal? I don't know what word to use because I honestly don't get what they're aiming at with this system.
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Nope. Unless your kid's pediatrician was involved in the classroom, I'm not sure how it is the pre-k's job to decide that he needs to stop sucking his thumb (and punish her for not complying) without you asking them to help with eliminating the behavior.
The only way I can see that it is ANY of their business is if they are concerned about germs - in which case, I think gentle reminders and the additional handwashing suggested by @joyfulkiwi: seems appropriate.
There is a kid in my DD's preK (meaning, four years old or about to be) who I've overheard at pickup is still regularly wetting his pants. I'm sure it's frustrating for both teachers and parents, but they're working with him - not punishing him!
FWIW, my DD is the same age and is a thumb sucker. It's definitely a coping mechanism for her, and she rarely does it outside of her bed/nighttime on the sofa unless she is really really stressed. I was trying to help her quit, but the more I brought it up, the more she fixated on wanting to do it, so I've dropped it.
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Nope, wouldn't fly with me at all.
I thought sticker charts were supposed to be positive rewards. Taking them away doesn't seem like it would do much other than shame him. Poor guy
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Not okay. I would have a big problem and ask them not to do this.
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i would also not be okay with this.
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My LO is also a thumb sucker at 4. I'd be livid if she was being punished for thumb sucking at school. I'd fear she'd quickly have a negative association with school.
I'm clearly not thrilled also sucks her thumb, and I've extensively discussed with our dentist and pediatrician. They both said she'll grow out of it and stop when she's ready. We discourage the behavior but it is a soothing mechanism for her and I'd rather her suck her thumb than act out or have a meltdown.
I'd absolutely have a talk with the teacher (and director if necessary) and figure out why they feel it's necessary to punish for thumb sucking.
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That is not their job and I would not hesitate to tell them that.
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My husband sent them an email today and we will follow up this PM at pickup. Thanks for helping me not to feel crazy!
I am thinking of buying him something like this: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/s/ref=is_s_ss_i_0_13?k=chewable+jewelry&sprefix=chewable+jewe
Just to show the school we are invested in trying to end the behavior.... although personally I don't care about it at home.
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: that's a good idea to get him the chewable necklace. It looks cool and will probably help make it less of a big deal for other people than the thumb sucking seems to be. It's weird and not great that they're making it into a punishment situation. My only suggestion for you to give to them would be to high five or acknowledge him not sucking his thumb, just like when you praise a kid for doing a good job instead of punishing them/pointing out when they're misbehaving.
Good luck with your follow up conversation. I was a thumb sucker until 8 or so, but stopped doing it at school maybe preschool age or kindergarten. But I just stopped on my own, probably because no one else was doing it?
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@Mrs. Sketchbook: I've had kids use those chewies; I quite like them as a "help" to end thumb sucking. BUT don't feel like you have to put up a front with them; it shouldn't be a big deal.
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I do not like this at all. He should not be punished for thumb sucking and it is not their job to break him of the habit.
However, I was a thumb sucker and sucked it until 2nd grade. It DESTROYED my teeth and palate.. (by destroyed I mean severely messed up). I had to have braces for YEARS and I still have issues. Having been through that experience I will try everything in my power to not have my kids thumb suck.... so much so that I am ok with them having a paci wayyyy later than most would allow. DD is only 2.5 right now and uses paci to nap and sleep and in car rides but I have no plans to break her from it
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@Silva: I definitely agree that the school should not be taking stickers as a punishment... That doesn't sit right with me. I would also be pretty mad if a school decided to make a parenting decision like that for my child. I can understand the germs thing, but LO can wash hands more often. Leave the poor kid alone until the dentist or pediatrician says something!
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Thumbsucking can do a lot of damage, so I don't think it's crazy for them to discourage it. Not a fan of taking away stickers though. And any plan should be at least bounced off of parents - or at least, their thumbsucking policy should be posted somewhere so everyone knows what it is!!
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I think that is your call as parents, not theirs.
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@Ajsmommy: @mrbee: I think we are right on the cusp of an age where it matters for dental stuff. I've heard that up until age 5 it is not likely to cause issues.
I actually have some pretty bad habits in this same general area...I bite my nails and I also pick at my face. I went to a psychologist in middle school for it and nothing ever worked, not bandaids on the hands or sticker charts. Even at a young age, I think it really has to be a "decision." Even if the behavior is cosmetically problematic, it still has to be a decision the person comes to. For me, all that stuff ever did was push it to different times of the day, or I would do it in the bathroom/at night. I think I have a better chance of getting him to truly stop if I let it go on until he's older and maybe we can reason through it together.
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LO (kindergarten) puts her fingers in her mouth or will put a laminated nametag or toy in her mouth absentmindedly occasionally. I asked her teachers for the past two years to help me work on this with LO. I think some parents would like it so maybe they are not way off base. Still you have your right to chime in with your preferences and input. Hope everything works out and you have a good talk with them.
It seems like in a preschool setting they should really defer to the parent on this issue. It's not hurting anyone, disrupting the class or (presumably) interfering with him learning. If they want to praise him when he's not doing it, fine, but the chart seems too formal to me. 
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