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Beyond Miscarriage Support

  1. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Doing ok, thank you! I've been following here and there, but visiting the boards have become a bit painful as of late, so I was avoiding them.

    @MaryM: Yes to them being so draining. I'm hoping you're over the anxiousness soon.

    An update for me...I've been feeling horribly down lately. I don't know if it's the exhaustion of the holidays or just the constant running around to doctor appointments. Saw a hematologist who consulted with my RE. They both agreed that baby aspirin and extra folic acid is sufficient to combat my clotting issues for now. RE had an ultrasound of my lining just prior to ovulation on my own this time around and it looked good. She saw a large follicle on my left ovary, which is a plus.

    Her next steps were to put me on clomid for my next cycle, but I asked to hold off on that. I want to see if we can get pregnant naturally first prior to starting fertility medications. She was agreeable to that for 2 cycles. I have to call her on the first day of my next period and come in for frequent visits to do blood work and ultrasounds so that she can tell us exactly when to BD. So, it looks like we can start trying next cycle.

    While I feel great about the progress, I'm horribly anxious and nervous about it. Going through 4 miscarriages has taken a huge emotional toll on me and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to go through this again. If I am able to get pregnant and miscarry again, I might have a talk with DH about being one and done. I'm already conflicted about this, but I can only take so much loss, and 5 might be my number. We'll see how things go in the next few months.

    Sending lots of love you ladies who are still here and working through everything. To those who have graduated, congratulations

  2. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: My heart so goes out to you. I've only had one MC and I'm still SO fearful of another.

    My SIL recently threw a shower for a friend of hers who was having their third baby. She has had 18 (!!!!!) miscarriages. I seriously cannot imagine how on earth she survived those and kept on trying!

  3. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @MaryM: Oh my gosh...I can't even imagine!! That poor woman!

    I follow a FB group for the Gardner quadruplets. 8 years of going through infertility...I just can't fathom it, but no matter how down I feel about myself, there's always someone out there who has it far worse!

  4. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: Wow, you are an incredibly strong woman! I've only been through one m/c and can't imagine going through another. I understand needing to take a step back from the boards and groups sometimes. I'm sending lots of happy, positive thoughts your way. Best of luck and fingers crossed for you next cycle!

  5. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: I'm glad you have a plan - and I'm hopeful that things will work out for you. 2015 HAS to be better for us, it has to! xx

  6. hilsy85

    squash / 13764 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: I can't imagine what you've gone through My OB has 3 kids and has had 3 miscarriages--when she told me (while I Was having this one) I was just in shock that people can go through such hard things and just keep going. But I guess that's what you do. I hope things only get better!

  7. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    Just venting.... cycle day 37 here for me if we count the 1st day of the medicated MC as day 1. No sign of AF. I was sure I ovulated 2 or 3 weeks ago (conflicting signs), but negative HPT today and last week. We were using protection so really there's almost no chance anyway, but I had a twinge of hope. I really thought I would get AF sometime this week, or Friday or Saturday.

    I was also hoping we could try over Christmas break, but every day that AF is delayed, it delays the FW, so.... I'm disappointed. I was / am really hoping I can get pregnant before late March because that's when my employer will ask me to renew my contract, and being pregnant would simplify that decision. The longer AF waits now, the less cycles and chances I'll have.

    I feel like I've never been in a situation where I have less control, honestly. I'm typically a type A, work hard, make things happen, plan and achieve my goals kind of gal, and this whole TTC journey is contrary to that. Wait for AF to start, wait to ovulate, wait to test, wait to see if the pregnancy is viable.... Can't do anything but chart and try to time BD, but DH gets performance anxiety and even doing it EOD is difficult.

    Sorry about the downer nature of this post. I just need people who understand.

    My current chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3edb3c/

  8. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @DesertDreams88: *hugs* I'm sorry. I know the frustration of waiting and being so out of control, and it's a horrible feeling.

    Cycles after miscarriages can be notoriously wonky. I noticed on your chart you had a positive OPK; did you test after that? You may have been surging but never actually ovulating (again, post m/c craziness) and hence the crazy luteal phase, which might not be a luteal phase, if that makes sense?

    You could always ask your doc for a progesterone check, to see if you did actually O... or otherwise, it's just wait and see, I guess. Super annoying.

  9. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    As for me.... CD21 and low fertility, so I'm off to see my clinic who are squeezing me in for a quick ultrasound to see if I have a follicle worth triggering - or else we provera, to end this shit year with a bang. We'll see what it shows, I guess.

  10. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    @jaguar: yeah, I definitely didn't O when FF says I did, I agree I probably had a surge and then it just didn't work out. But I really thought I O-ed when I had definite EWCM 16 days ago.

    Would the provera induce your period, then? Do they think you wouldn't get AF on your own, or that it would be too drawn out and affect your next treatments? FX for a follicle or two!

  11. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @DesertDreams88: One shitty follicle, so we triggered. I just want this over, so we'll see what happens.

    If I don't get a period, yes, provera will bring one on. With no meds/ovulation, my cycles can go for as long as >60-80 days. I wish I was kidding. So yeah, we just want this one over, to start for another monitored FET cycle. x

  12. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    Annnnnnnnnnnd my credit card was just frozen due to suspected fraudulent activity. Someone tried to buy $4500+ products on Apple's USA store at 5am Aussie time... and it wasn't me. This year really does want to test me.

  13. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @DesertDreams88: I'm sorry waiting is so hard! I don't consider myself type A but I like to have control over some things and it's hard with TTC so I understand the frustrations. DH and I were getting to a point of having to replan our BDing right before we got our BFP because he gets performance anxiety a little too. Once we get back to it in February, I think we've decided I will give him the general window and leave it at that.

    @jaguar: Oh no! Thank goodness they flagged it! And wow $4500! That's alot! I'm also very happy this year is coming to a close, next year has to be better! Still have my fingers crossed extra tight for you in your next FET cycle

  14. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    @JAGUAR: Only 19 more days until the New Year! Even though the date itself is totally arbitrary, obviously; I'm trying to believe that 2015 will be much, much better. Not that 2014 is much competition Also glad they caught the possible fraudulent charge.

  15. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @HappyBluebird: @DesertDreams88: I know, so glad they caught it... but gutted about the whole thing.

  16. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    So I had my first monthly level check this morning, so hopefully only two more monthly checks before we can TTC again, I'm counting down the weeks at this point! 8 weeks until what should hopefully be my last monthly draw, that doesn't seem too bad!

    How is everyone else doing?

  17. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Great news!

  18. FliegepilzHut

    pomegranate / 3533 posts

    @HappyBluebird: 8 weeks sounds wonderful!

  19. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @HappyBluebird: That's incredible news!

  20. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @HappyBluebird: That's great, hon! Hopefully we can cycle together in the new year! xxx

  21. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: @FliegepilzHut: @simplyfelicity: @jaguar: thanks

    @jaguar: hoping the new year brings great things for both of us

  22. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @HappyBluebird: That's great!!!

  23. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    So I'm in a TWW... a trigger induced one, lol. 3dpo today. I don't even think I'll POAS... I really just want this cycle as a means to an end anyway, you know? BRING ON 2015!!!

  24. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @jaguar: I second that!! Let's go 2015!

  25. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    Still no AF, day 41, high temps characteristic of post-O, crazy cramping for 4 days but not even one spot. BFN this morning. So over it.

    Grandma entered hospice today, signed a DNR, got her Last Rites administered. Everyone's flying down to FL to see her one last time, except for me, because I live so far away and only have enough money for the funeral and I have my in-laws coming for Christmas.

    Since August, my 2 best friend coworkers left, my school was put on an improvement plan (AKA stress plan), my classroom flooded, I taught in a partitioned library with another class for 6 weeks, I miscarried for 3 weeks, I'm facing $2593 of bills for the MC, and now this.

    So, yes, totally done and washing my hands of 2014. I'm trusting praying and believing that 2015 will be very awesome in comparison.

  26. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @DesertDreams88: Big love to you. This year has been so awful for so many people. xxx

    This week alone has been horrific. First the terrorist siege in Sydney, then news of more murders up in QLD... it's just a terrible year.

    I really, really hope 2015 is better for you all, my ladies in the trenches. We've had more than our share of heartache... and you deserve so much happiness.

  27. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @DesertDreams88: I'm so sorry for all of this I'm praying and hoping that 2015 is tremendously better for you and the other ladies hanging out on this board, waiting for next steps!

  28. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    Hi ladies, joining in here after leaving the July due dates board. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, had a curette yesterday afternoon and recovering at home now under a big fluffy blanket.

    The procedure was quick, I was under general anesthetic and every single nurse and doctor was supporting and kind. Feeling rather ughhhhhhh now, crampy, soreness downstairs, bleeding. Emotionally I think its going to hit me hard when I'm by myself/in the shower


  29. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @FannyMae: I'm so sorry. I remember you from when I was in the July boards, before I lost our second m/c this year. I hope you're recovering okay. *hugs*

  30. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @FannyMae: I'm so sorry again these are the greatest group of ladies and will help you along through the hard days. Hugs

  31. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @jaguar: @ValentineMommy: thankyou both xo its a bit of a surreal feeling isn't it? actually, the whole 9 weeks of pregnancy felt surreal. it was a little surprise bonus baby that we conceived out of nowhere apparently Somewhere in my mind I suppose I didn't think the pregnancy was going to progress from early on. Not sure why, I held back a bit in allowing myself to think forward and plan things etc. The 8 week scan pushed that feeling forward that the baby wasn't developing as it should. I think i'm just going to spend the holiday season recovering physically and emotionally.

  32. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @FannyMae: I'm so sorry you are joining us. Leaving the due date board is hard, I had to leave the April board. The emotional part hit me in waves and still does sometimes. This board is a great place full of supportive ladies. We're here for you if you need to talk/vent/cry, etc.

  33. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @HappyBluebird: thank you, the other night when the OB rang me with the bad news I felt like I kind of took it ok, but then had a massive ugly cry once my daughter had gone to bed. snotty nose and all.

    I did manage a laugh at my silly kid today... the hospital gave out a little kit for grieving parents from Pregnancy Loss Australia. Its got a beautiful teddy bear, a little packet of seeds to grow some forget-me-not flowers, and a certificate that you can fill out with the details of your baby. She decided that the teddy bear was "ohhh so lovely", and that the certifiate was her new "treasure map", so she's been having fun with that!

  34. simplyfelicity

    cantaloupe / 6634 posts

    @FannyMae: Thinking of you, sweet lady.

  35. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @FannyMae: I've definitely had a few ugly cries. That's so nice that they would give something like that out and adorable that your daughter took to them

  36. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @HappyBluebird: I know, I thought wow thats such a sweet gesture. Completely unexpected, I thought the whole experience was going to be cold, sterile, hospital, but every nurse was warm and compassionate, and even the anesthetist was really lovely when he came in for a chat prior to the procedure.

    Its a gorgeous sunny day out there today, I think I'll sit out there and soak up some Vitamin D and let the rays boost me up a bit

  37. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @FannyMae: That's so lovely. I wish our hospital had done something like that. Are you in Australia? Where abouts?

  38. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @jaguar: I'm in Melbourne, the packs were through Pregnancy Loss Australia. I know that they don't give them out at one of the main public maternity hospitals here, but I had my D&C at a local private hospital so maybe they distribute through the smaller ones.

    I've managed to get up and move about more this afternoon instead of laying on the couch. so uncomfortable downstairs though (TMI I was in absolute agony trying to go to the toilet for no.2)

  39. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @FannyMae: Oh, that's beautiful. My d&c was through a smaller private hospital, but I guess they don't do that here. Ah well.

    Just keep on painkillers if it starts creeping up on you again. xx

  40. FannyMae

    persimmon / 1461 posts

    @jaguar: neurofen plus last night, it gives me horrid scary dreams though. might just stick to some panadol rapid today. the bright red bleeding has stopped but my tummy is feeling rather sore and bloated. just a bit of browny red, hopefully everything is ok in there

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