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Beyond Miscarriage Support

  1. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @HappyBluebird: You have any good plans??

  2. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @ValentineMommy: our Christmas Eve and Christmas are busy since we have lots of people to see. We usually go to lunch Christmas Eve with DH's parents & grandmom and see one side of my extended family Christmas eve night. Then Christmas morning we go to my parents to see them, my siblings, and grandmother. Christmas afternoon/evening we go to DH's parents to see his extended family. Its crazy busy but I like seeing everyone

  3. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Wow!!! That's a lot of running around. We usually try to see my IL's, but they started some MASSIVE bs a few months ago and I have no desire to see them because of it. I'm sure DH will have an issue with that, but....oh well. He can see them without me. lol

  4. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @HappyBluebird: I had yesterday off, so that's why I wasn't around.

    I'll be a much happier camper once I finish a paper that's due tomorrow and can relax a little!

    Christmas is a little crazy for us since all our family lives within driving distance. Thankfully though, I get two weeks off from work so that makes it easier.

    I'll head to my mom's the weekend before Christmas and come home for Christmas Eve. As long as DH isn't working, we'll go to midnight Mass and do our own thing Christmas morning. Then we head to his mom's for brunch.

    The day after we go back to my mom's to do Christmas with my siblings and their kids. Then my SIL's 40th birthday party is back in DC the next day.

  5. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: Good luck on your paper! You are busy in the holiday season too!! Sometimes I wish we could stay home in PJs and relax all day but I like seeing my family so its worth it!

  6. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    Ugh, I'm annoyed with myself right now....my SIL had her babies today and while I'm really happy for them, I'm also feeling sad about our situation. I wish I could just be completely excited and happy for them because deep down I am. They had a difficult road to get there but I just find myself being jealous and a little bitter.

    I'm sure I'll feel better in a few days but I really wish this whole experience hadn't ruined happy moments for us.

  7. Chaosmaven

    apricot / 315 posts

    I've been pretty bummed this weekend, with a vicious AF and a cold, but I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit again.

    I know this was discussed a week or so ago, but did anyone else have more pain with their first post m/c AF than with the actual m/c? It really threw me for a loop in terms of pain, clots, bleeding etc. Also now the bleeding has stopped abruptly after 4 days and I'm still cramping which never happens to me on a normal AF (only typically cramp on day 1). I know this can vary from woman to woman, but does this seem normal for post m/c?

  8. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @HappyBluebird: I know how hard that is. I didn't meet my godchild until she was 3 or 4 months old, and didn't hold her until just recently (she's now 6 months).

    It's ok that it's hard for you. Don't forget to Respect the Funk.

    But while you're feeling funky, also try to realize that you being sad about your own situation (as long as you're not outwardly showing it to the new parents) is not depriving them at all of their own happiness. So there's no need to feel guilty. Your feelings are valid. There's no rule that says you have to forget about yourself while being happy for someone else.

  9. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @Chaosmaven: I don't know if there is a normal for after m/c AF but I have been dealing with AF from hell (for me at least) for the last 6 days. A lot more cramps, heavy bleeding, clots, etc. This is my second AF after the m/c. From what I've read here and other places online, its normal for AF to change after a m/c. I just hope mine goes back to normal as soon as possible!

  10. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @Chaosmaven: "I don't know if there is a normal for after m/c"

    THIS exactly.

  11. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: This helps with how I'm feeling. I know they are beyond happy and they know that deep down I am happy for them. (My SIL and I talk much more now after the m/c so I'm sure she knows this is hard, but I'm not outwardly showing my sadness to them either. They actually live a few states away)

    Thank you very much for this! You are the best! And I will respect the funk

  12. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Do you know when you'll be meeting the baby?

    You might want to prepare DH for how hard that might be for you. It wasn't super hard when I met my niece this summer, but the fact that there were 5 women at the party after the baptism who were all nursing newborns was quite the sting. I was ok while I was there, but had a bit of a breakdown after I got home.

    For me, it's been different dealing with my nieces and nephews. It's like I'm not as jealous as our 20 other friends who've had babies. I think it could be party because they're family and I can still call them "mine."

  13. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @MaryM: Good luck with your paper!!! Our families are all within 2 miles (so super close), but it just gets to be so hectic! Some years I enjoy it and some it's just overwhelming!

    @HappyBluebird: I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It's really hard (and understandable). I still feel that way myself. I have a baby shower at work to go to in a half hour, and I'm just sitting here debating not showing up. There's no need to feel guilty, as @MaryM: said so well - your feelings are totally valid!

    @Chaosmaven: My MC was definitely worse in terms of pain, but that's cause I had retained tissue. However, my first period after that was horrible with lots of clots and a few LARGE painful ones. My doctor said it was typical and not to worry unless I was bleeding through a pad an hour.

  14. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: I'm not sure when we will meet them. They live about 5 hours away and until next February, I probably can't take many days off to go see them. So I imagine some time after that. Maybe if we are back into TTC by then it will make the sting just a little less? I can hope at least

    DH and I actually talked about it again today. He's feeling pretty bummed out today too. They have been sending him pictures and information regarding the weight, names, etc and he's taking it a little hard. They aren't sending them to me (for obvious reasons I'm assuming). We have a couple friends who have had babies recently so we've discussed how we might feel when/if we see them.

    I think I will start to feel better about my new niece and nephew shortly because they are family and I love them already. Friend's babies are a little harder.

  15. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @ValentineMommy: Thanks! I'm not sure what I would do without you ladies to tell me my feelings are ok! Probably drive DH crazy!

  16. Chaosmaven

    apricot / 315 posts

    @HappyBluebird: @MaryM: @ValentineMommy: This makes me feel better - I just didn't expect it to feel worse than the m/c. Glad to know that nothing is normal.

  17. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    Hey all, I just wanted to remind everyone that sign ups end tomorrow for our christmas exchange (so that everyone has two weeks to shop/ship).

    We have a few people so will be doing it no matter what, but the more the merrier If you have questions feel free to tag me in a post or wall me.

  18. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: woohoo so exciting!

  19. DesertDreams88

    grapefruit / 4361 posts

    We live in AZ, my family is in CT, and DH's is in WI. Typically for Christmas we do a week in CT and then a week in WI, but not this year!!! I love my family but jetting around the country to insanely-cold places and trying to get to 6 different family Christmases in 12 days is just too much stress. Also, we're both teachers, so we take a chunk of work home over the break so we can get ahead, and our families just don't understand that. I'm happy that we're going to have a more peaceful, less expensive break, though I will definitely miss my family.

    My MIL, FIL, 2 BILs, SIL, and 2 nieces are coming to visit, though, for 5 days. I'm looking forward to showing them around but my introverted self is nervous about the fact that one brother-in-law is staying with us the entire time AND it most likely will be during the fertile window.

    @HappyBluebird: I'm sorry about the mixed emotions surrounding your SIL's birth! I'm glad though that they seem to be respectful of some need for distance.... hopefully soon the funk will pass. Did you ever hear back from your standard OB/GYN about the shortened timeframe? FX!

    @MaryM: Best of luck on your paper, I was in grad school last year during Christmas and I remember the pressure!

  20. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @DesertDreams88: wow, your family is very spread out! Enjoy your peaceful holiday! Do you get to see your family other times during the year?

    I haven't talked to my Ob/gyn yet, I'm due to go in for my yearly visit so I think I'm going to talk to her then in person. I think she'll be agreeable, if not we will have to decide where to go from there. We are both comfortable with the research we've read on the 3 month time-frame so we will probably do it one way or another.

    Thanks for asking! How are you doing?

  21. hilsy85

    squash / 13764 posts

    @DesertDreams88: enjoy your nice warm holiday! That sounds more pleasant than snow/rain and ice!

    I am feeling really down the last few days...probably in part due to hormones/AF showing up (99% sure it is coming tomorrow, as I started spotting this morning). I just am so frustrated that this all happened, that I need to be worried about TTC again and all the other things that could have caused the m/c/could be preventing us from getting pregnant now. I know this is irrational, as it was VERY unlikely we would have conceived this very first cycle after m/c, but it just makes me nervous, especially bc AF isn't "supposed" to come until 13dpo, and today is only 11dpo, which makes me think that I'll spot til AF comes, and then I start worrying about all the spotting and what it could mean....sorry, this is all a jumble, and I know I have really no right to complain, as our journey has not been nearly as long or difficult as it has been for others. But I am just feeling sad. And I keep worrying about the ever widening age gap we will have now and what it will mean for LO and future siblings...sorry to be a debbie downer!

    I hope you all are having better mornings than I am!

  22. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @hilsy85: I'm so sorry you are having some hard days. I think we all feel and think things that are irrational or don't make a lot of sense sometimes. The odds are in your favor that the next time you get a BFP you will be holding your healthy rainbow baby 9 months later! And you aren't a debbie downer- thats's what we're here for! We're all on different journeys, but the reason we've all found this board is because we've gone through something very difficult and it's good to have people to talk to who understand!

    I hope you are feeling better soon!

  23. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @hilsy85: You're allowed to have bad days and to complain, chick. We all have those days! I've been the biggest debbie downer of them ALL lately, to the point of chatting to a counsellor about it... so I totally understand.

    Meanwhile, I'm bloody tired. Had really hoped to have a short cycle this month, but it appears the Letrozole isn't working. Still low fertility and nothing happening at CD17. This is a rest cycle, so it really doesn't matter - but now I'm petrified I'm becoming resistant to Femara like I did with Clomid... and that's what I need to use in FET cycles. FREAKING OUT.

  24. hilsy85

    squash / 13764 posts

    @HappyBluebird: @jaguar: thanks ladies Jaguar, I"m hoping that's not the case and that things start happening soon! Must be so frustrating.

  25. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @hilsy85: Super frustrating. But it is what it is, I can't change it.... so I'm trying to roll with the punches and take it a bit more gracefully. And indulged in a caramel sundae today because BITE ME SOFT SERVE I WILL EAT ALL OF YOU.

  26. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @MaryM: Sorry loves, I can't make this particular gift exchange - thank you for the invite. Being international can be tough sometimes. xx

  27. momazon

    kiwi / 613 posts

    @jaguar: Do they ever do injectable progesterone and estrogen there, to help with your lining for the frozen cycles? Maybe that would be an option, if the Femera has stopped having an effect? (I don't know about Femera so not sure if it's to build lining as the others are, or what?)

  28. jaguar

    pomegranate / 3764 posts

    @momazon: Nah, my lining is always fine. It's to actually promote ovulation, which I don't do on my own!

  29. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @jaguar: Hoping that's not the case with Femara and also now I really want a caramel sundae!! Maybe I'll trade my lunch for ice cream

  30. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    So today I got the bill from the hospital for the D&C and everything associated with it (anesthesia, US, etc) and talk about a gut check! A little over $4,000. We have to pay just over $3,300! Ugh way to make the situation even more worse than it already is! I think the universe is out to get me this week!

  31. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Isn't it the freaking worst? My D&E cost over 2k out of pocket. When I had my son in 2013, I had a csection and was in the hospital 5 days (with a $75k bill), that I only had to pay $130 out of pocket. WTF?? It's ridiculous. It really adds insult to injury...I'm sorry

  32. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @HappyBluebird: Ugh! I am so sorry!

    Does anyone get really nauseated when they get AF? I actually POAS last night (even though I was bleeding) just to make sure I wasn't KU because I felt so sick. And still did this morning

    (but I'm not sick, I don't have a fever, and my BBT has dropped to normal pre-O level)

    I would almost rather have worse cramps...

  33. ValentineMommy

    pomelo / 5791 posts

    @MaryM: I had all sorts of weird nausea after I had my son, and it turned out to be PPA. Anxiety makes me super sick. Anyway, it returned hardcore after my mc and was somewhat cyclical. Are you feeling extra anxious? Or a stomach bug maybe?

  34. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @ValentineMommy: Maybe. I haven't been able to pinpoint what's making me anxious...but I've also had a "ball of anxiety" (I get this burning sensation between my shoulder blades when I'm anxious).

    But I finished my classes for the semester last night, so I'm not sure why I'd still be feeling gross today.

    And with a bug I figured I'd be feverish too. I'm guessing maybe it's hormonal and from taking progesterone...but I usually feel gross when I start taking it, not when I stop.

  35. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @MaryM: I've been really nauseous since my last miscarriage. I do attribute it to the hormones as does my doctor. As for your anxiety, I hope it gets better for you. I had HORRIBLE anxiety after every single one of my miscarriages. It's such a terrible feeling and just wanted you to know that while I'm sad that you're feeling this, you're in good company. Hang in there...

  36. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @ValentineMommy: @2PeasinaPod: I've actually felt less anxious and somewhat more like I was coming to terms with things the past few weeks.

    Maybe I'm suppressing something? I have no idea.

  37. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @ValentineMommy: @MaryM: Thankfully we have the money in our HSA but I didn't plan on this money going to this! I think we'll have time to build it back up for next year

  38. 2PeasinaPod

    pomelo / 5524 posts

    @MaryM: My anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks about 6 weeks after my first miscarriage. AND, I had convinced my DH to book a trip to the Bahamas with friends that we originally said no to because I was pregnant. We arrived at the resort, literally standing in paradise, and I started freaking out. I didn't know what to do with myself I was so anxious. Thank goodness for my DH...but I didn't start to feel like myself again until 3 months post-miscarriage. That's when my hormones finally leveled out from my first miscarriage.

    Each subsequent miscarriage was about the same - 3 months later, I finally started feeling like myself again.

  39. HappyBluebird

    clementine / 957 posts

    @MaryM: I don't get nauseated with AF but I do get an upset stomach when I'm anxious like ValentineMommy. Whatever it is, I hope you are feeling better soon!

    @2PeasinaPod: How have you been?

  40. MaryM

    pomelo / 5129 posts

    @2PeasinaPod: I had two attacks like that in the spring (I left my sisters house on easter bawling rushing to get home before DH went to work) so hopefully I'm beyond those. But they are so draining!

    Maybe it's just a fluke for me this month.

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