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A friend just gave me happiest toddler on the block. Haven't had a chance to read it yet, but she said it worked well for her.

I was also spanked and parented strictly, as was my DH. We're both super anti-spanking as a result. I have the same problem of not knowing what you do other than the things that happened to us. I think the fact that I had a complete void in knowing what to do discipline-wise was when I was in a kids consignment store with my baby and I was listening to a young child (about 3) sort of whining and crying and I expected the mom to say "quit your whining or I'll paddle your butt" or something like that, and instead she leaned over him and said "it's really hard to give away your things, hey? But we need to to make room for new things. Come on, let's go home and have some lunch". And I burst into tears! It was so nice! And equally as effective! So anyway, it made me realize that I needed some skills. So the one that I am liking best as a philosophy is (the cheesily named) ahaparenting - it's Dr. Laura Markham. My LO is 7 months old so we still have lots of time, but I have printed out some of her tip sheets and am practicing being kind already to break myself of the strict/spanky way of parenting.

Lots of good ideas! 1,2,3...The Toddler Years (very different/unrelated to 1-2-3, Magic), and Alfie Kohn (Unconditional Parenting) is really thought-provoking even if you don't agree with it all (I don't).

@mskeee: Aha Parenting is a great resource, agreed! She has a book, too, now, but I haven't looked at it... have you?

I'm going to look into some of these suggestions! I was spanked as a child and I don't want to do that to my children because it wasn't effective, just scary. DH isn't sold on not spanking either but he wasn't spanked ever as a child, just threatened.

My husband isn't sold on not spanking either. He can't wrap his head around it! I will be looking for these books during toddlerhood.

In the same boat and also curious! Dh thinks "no big deal" but I feel so uncomfortable with it, after all this new research has come out. But it's all I know.

I also don't want to end up in....parents as best buddies territory, either. Or wherever that territory is where you're so nice to your kids all the time, that they just run all over you. Not into that (and i see it All. The. Time)

I second/third @scg00387's suggestion.

Also, http://www.janetlansbury.com/ is a great resource.

I feel the same way as you about spanking. I was raised that way, but I don't want to continue it. At first I was really overwhelmed because I had no idea what my alternatives were, but I've since done TONS of research and we've agree on positive/nonpunitive/attachment type parenting.

My absolute favorite book on the subject (so far, I read a lot) is Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, which has been mentioned. I also LOVE Connected Parenting by Jennifer Kolari. It's more for older kids (it's about how to talk to them mostly, so not as useful for completely non-verbal ages), but I use the techniques in most of my relationships. I'm going to try to get DH to read it soon, because it would really help him get why I get upset at some of the things he says that make me feel like he thinks my feelings are dumb. Also, Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids by Laura Markham (I agree with those who recommend her!), and Positive Discipline for Preschoolers.

For articles, this pinterest board is all positive parenting related- http://www.pinterest.com/natcrunchymoms/positive-parenting/

It's important to remember that your choice here isn't between spanking (or other authoritarian parenting methods like time outs) and permissive parenting where you let them run all over you. I've seen both, and they're both very bad for the kids and you. Authoritarian teaches kids to obey only when they will get in trouble, or essentially whoever is biggest and strongest gets to make the rules. Permissive teaches them they pretty much never have to obey. The studies have shown that the golden standard is Authoritative parenting, which has clear boundaries and rules, with strong connection.

I was raised on the "do it because I said so, or else you'll get a spanking," and honestly it made me a lot less honest and well-behaved. I learned to lie to avoid getting a spanking, not to do the right thing because it's the right thing. I love @mskeee's story because that's exactly what I want to do with my kids. Validate their feelings, help them understand that there are reasons why we do things, that I'm not just a dictator, and help them learn to do the right thing for the right reasons.

Sorry to write a novel! It's a topic I feel strongly about and have put a lot of time and thought into.