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I don't really have any advice, but I am totally in the same place with my 22 month old. We are really struggling with tantrums and just plain doing exactly what he's told not to do. And he's talking really well, so I think it has to be the age. They are learning for the first time that boundaries can be pushed and want to see how far they can take it. As for the tantrums, I find that his are much worse when he's tired - there's a huge difference in his attitude when he's home with us on the weekends and when he's exhausted at night from day care.

I feel dumb saying this, but I really had no idea toddlers were SO hard! Love him to pieces and for every bad moment there are 10 good ones, but wow...

ETA: I did try something tonight that worked pretty well. He went into total meltdown mode when I told him we had to go inside (after he wouldn't listen and was standing on the chairs on our porch). So I just told him I understood he was feeling mad but that when mama says we don't stand on the chairs, we don't stand on the chairs. Then I said I would be reading his favorite book and he could join me when he was ready. I sat across the room and started reading aloud. It took about 5 mins of screaming but he eventually calmed down himself and came over to finish reading the book with me. Will be trying that one again.