I feel awful. My sister is 6 months pregnant and she asked that I plan her shower with her two best friends and fiance (it's gonna be a Jack n Jill). I now realize this is obvious to everyone else except ME, but I thought that the shower itself - theme/location/cake - was the surprise element. I know there's "surprise showers", I just didn't realize that this was one. So talking on the phone with her I cleared the date. Enter sister flaming rage."I didn't want to KNOW the date! I'm so pissed! that's why you were planning it!!" Enter me texting her bestie that I effed up. Leading to her initially laughing it off but then guilt tripping texts about how X date was the only date in the month she could do it, and that if we change to Feb it'd be rushed and not wanting to rush my sister's shower by planning it for one month ahead, and how "we'll see what everyone else can do but i'm not sure what will happen if they can't..." I understand that I effed up. People make mistakes. And I'm not trying to play the pregnancy card, but I'm more sensitive than usual and all of this led to my doing the "ugly cry" to my husband. I mean, if roles had been reversed, and SHE accidentally told ME the shower date, sure I'd be annoyed but I'd make sure to not be so harsh about it and I'd make sure my friends didn't guilt trip make her feel worse about it. Just needed to talk about it somewhere. My DH listened to me and "understood", but didn't understand that I can't just brush things off right now. usually I'll have a glass of wine after an 'incident' but I can't right now!!! agh am i being over sensitive? Are they being less sensitive than they should be?
At least it feels better writing to you ladies
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Did anyone make it clear that this was a surprise shower? If not, I think you're in the clear!!
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Aww I'm sorry! I'd be upset, too. Is it possible she overreacted from hormones as well? Maybe if you talk to her tomorrow she will have calmed down some?
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P.S. invites haven't been chosen / mailed yet. This is still in initial planning phase.
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Frankly, I think your sister is being a bit unreasonable. Why wouldn't you want to clear a date with her? Why the heck is it so important to have a surprise shower? It's not like that's a normal thing to do.
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I've never heard of surprise showers.. They should have told you it was a surprise party?
I don't understand why they all have their panties in a bunch. If anything your sister should be thankful you're throwing her a shower! Sorry you have to deal with the drama
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I think your sister is in the wrong.
How can she ASK you to plan her shower and then expect it to be a surprise? That doesn't make sense.
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@mrbee: no, they didn't make it clear. that's what I thought too, that she should've told me in the first place. Her words in her flaming rage were "why ELSE was I having you guys plan it??" I said "well, we're supposed to!"
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@sorrycharlie: you're totally right about HER hormones too!! I didn't think of that !!
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@MrsLilybugg: sounds like a miscommunication. It's definitely not your fault!!
Sorry you had to go through an ugly cry!!
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oops! it happens
They should lighten up and look at the bright side that your sister can get all pretty for her shower now that she knows the date.
I have a friend who was thrown a surprise bridal shower and they grabbed her from the gym, sweaty, in gross smelly gym clothes. She doesn't have any photos from it because of that.
For her baby shower, all she knew was the date. So she got a cute dress, shoes, hair & nails done. She took photos with everyone.
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thanks a million ladies!!! This whole time I have been feeling like an idiot,and wracked with guilt like I'd wrecked the whole entire thing. I hadn't heard of "surprise dates" either! And definitely I wish they had all been more sensitive and less "you ruined everything you're a horrible person" attitude about it. At least her fiance was TOTALLY cool about it when I told him about it.
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@mrbee: thanks Mrbee!!
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@MrsLilybugg: aww I'm sorry, there is no reason she should get that upset. Maybe her hormones are getting the best of her. I've never heard of a surprise shower where she knew it was being planned, but not when. I've heard of showers where you know when it is, and others plan it and showers where you have no idea you are even having a shower. Hopefully she will get over it!
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Honestly? I think your sister was a little out of line, blowing up at you. Surely a surprise shower is when you don't know that you're having one? If you want a surprise shower, you have to hope your friends/family think to plan you one..... You can't ask people to plan you a surprise party!! Its an honest mistake to make - I would have done the same thing as you. Please don't be upset, you haven't ruined anything, there will be plenty of surprises on the day. Hugs for you xxx
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@rachiecakes: exactly!!!! I thought "wouldn't she WANT to know so she can get dolled up?" I'm gonna grab her after the gym if we switch the date.
Her friend suggested we "pretend" we switch the date, but keep the original. This whole surprise element is so strange to me. -
@Bao: yes, I hadn't thought of HER hormones so I bet she'll come down from her rage and realize it was an honest mistake. Cause it's true like @ Rainbow Sprinkles said: you can't ask people to throw a surprise!!
@Cherrybee: aww thanks for the hugs totally needed that!!!
yay night is salvaged thanks to Hellobee!!! -
I had a almost similar situation. I was at lunch with my family and brought up my parents upcoming 50th birthday and got dirty looks from my brother and sister and they said I had ruined the surprise. The thing about surprises is that everyone needs to know its a surprise before they start getting mad.
I'm sorry your sister was mad!!!
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Hugs to you. You're both pregnant, both have lots of hormones. It's not your fault they didn't tell you it was supposed to be a surprise. Just give her a day or two, and then talk to her about it.
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Sounds like a hot mess of hormone stew. This too shall pass
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Awww, I'm sorry she had that reaction!
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If it wasn't expressly communicated otherwise, I would never think someone expected a surprise shower if the asked you to plan it! If it were that important I would think she or her friend would have made it clear at some point. It sucks that she's disappointed but I don't think it's your fault at all!
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@MrsLilybugg: never heard of a surprise shower...she's acting a little nutty, in my opinion. Traditionally other people plan your shower. It's tacky to plan your own so why would she assume that since you are planning you would know it is supposed to be a surprise? So strange. Is she typically a drama queen?
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Um, I think your sister might have had her own pregnancy moment. I don't think surprise showers for pregnant women are great ideas.... Anyways, take a day or two then talk to your sis again. Let her know you're sorry for ruining the surprise of the day but she'll get so many more surprises at her shower she will forget all about it. Plus, now she can look presentable.
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The norm around here seems to be surprise showers for baby and wedding. My bridal shower was supposed to be a surprise but I figured it out because my family cannot keep a secret. I'm sure they will try to make my baby shower a surprise too...but how on earth were you supposed to know that? If I asked someone to plan my shower I wouldn't expect it to be a surprise! Not your fault at all!
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A surprise shower is definitely not the norm. It should've been specified from the get-go if she really wanted it to be a surprise, so that you guys could make sure the guests knew it was a surprise.
I'd be upset too if I'd been guilt tripped and yelled at.
Hang in there, in the end, it'll be a wonderful shower!
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I'm not really sure how it could be a surprise if she told people to plan the event. Also I'd want to know the date just to make sure that I didn't make any other plans that day. I think it's very kind of you and your friends to even be planning a shower. I'm sure she will appreciate you and the party after it's over.
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Your sister's being crazy
She just needs to be appreciative and stop controlling the whole thing. You can't tell people to plan a shower for you and then get pissed when they don't plan it *exactly* the way you envision it.
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I didn't realize you are psychic, because that is the only way they can blame you for "ruining" a surprise nobody told you about. I very easily could have been in your shoes.
How are you supposed to know your sister was free in the first place? Not to be too hard on her, but that is a little spoiled to have those expectations!
She just needs to be appreciative and stop controlling the whole thing. You can't tell people to plan a shower for you and then get pissed when they don't plan it *exactly* the way you envision it.
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