When I feel that someone has truly wronged me, I can forgive them... but the love and warmth that I had in my heart often disappears. I can try and try to bring it back, but I have never been able to do so.
I'm a big believer in forgive and forget, but I haven't had a lot of luck with the forget part.
Can you forgive and forget?
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
Yep. Sometimes I hate that I can though.
I'm way too forgiving of a person. But s'all good I suppose.
pomelo / 5178 posts
It depends on the offense; I don't usually hold a grudge, but I might remove someone from my life, if they've proven themselves to be untrustworthy/too dramatic/etc...
papaya / 10560 posts
Agreed. I can definitely forgive...but sometimes it's hard to let bygones be bygones.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
Depends on the situation and how close the person is to me. I have a hard time forgetting for sure, but I am easy to forgive if it's a person who means a lot to me.
cantaloupe / 6791 posts
Most of the time I can, but it usually takes awhile. My friend did something to hurt my feelings in January and we didn't talk until April. I can forgive, but the forgetting part is what gets me.
GOLD / wonderful apricot / 22646 posts
With time, yep. Always forgiving, but forgetting is really hard.
grapefruit / 4800 posts
It depends. If someone apologizes then sure, though if it keeps happening then the apologies start seeming empty.
Sometimes it means readjusting how I view them and accepting them for who they are. Sometimes though there might be forgiveness but if they're not at a point in their life where they see how they're hurting others with their actions I don't think it's worth forgetting because it will probably happen again.
Forgiveness when the person hasn't asked for an apology seems like conflict is going to keep reemerging because the underlying problem hasn't been resolved. And it's more a way to avoid conflict to just say oh well I forgive them, well what's forgiveness mean if the other person doesn't think they've done anything wrong.
grapefruit / 4006 posts
Nope. I can hold a grudge forever and remember how people have wronged me. I still remember things people did to me in high school and before that. Forgive maybe but I never forget!
GOLD / squash / 13464 posts
I can hold a serious grudge. It's actually something I'm really trying to work on because sometimes it's just not worth it.
grapefruit / 4187 posts
It depends on who it is and if they actually apologize or not. I'm also a really big keeper-up-of-appearances type of person so I tend to just pretend like nothing ever happened even if I still remember the wrongdoing. But for the most part if someone genuinely apologizes I will 'forget' it in addition to forgiving.
hostess / wonderful watermelon / 39513 posts
I can forgive and forget pretty easily if the apology sounds sincere. "Just let it go" is the best advice I've been given about grudges!
GOLD / pineapple / 12662 posts
@MrBee: I agree. For the most part, I can forgive and forget (sometimes it has come back to haunt me, but I digress).
However, for those few times when I have felt horribly betrayed by someone close to me, I can move past it, but the love and warmth either never come back, or never come back to anywhere near the levels they were prior to the betrayal.
I don't know that I would consider that *holding a grudge* as much as I would consider it as *proceeding with caution.*
honeydew / 7504 posts
It depends on the situation, I think. And how often it happens. And if I really felt this was the person's nature or if it was a total f*ck-up.
For example, I have a friend who consistently disappoints me and lets me down. I kept forgiving her but I'm starting to not care anymore. I'm starting to just distance myself from her. Were they big hurts? No, but adding them up over the past 10 years, and I've had enough. Anymore, I just feel bitter towards her.
But then 3 years ago, my boyfriend cheated on me. I was deeply hurt, but I knew it was a one-time huge f*ck-up and not who he really is. I forgave him, we got back together, we got married, and I don't really even think about it anymore. Will I ever forget it? No. Do I hold it against him? Never.
cherry / 141 posts
I agree Mr Bee. I'm doing much better on the forgiving part, but I'm not so good on the forgetting. I think sometimes when someone wrongs you, it's best not to forget because they've shown their true colours, and it's a lesson you've learned about them. It's a healthy dose of reality that not everyone is the charmer they portray themselves to be. What's the saying, a leopard never changes its spots? I've always found that to be true!
grapefruit / 4923 posts
i'm not good with either--ha! yes, it's something i need to work on. sigh.
persimmon / 1087 posts
I'm almost always forgiving. There are a few instances that I have cut people out of my life because I cannot forgive them for their wrongdoings, but that is very rare for me to not forgive. Forget is a completely different issue.
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