Hellobee Boards

I don't necessarily think that having it "all" is the same for everyone - who is to say that everyone wants to make partner or keep climbing the corporate ladders for example?

Well, I feel like if you are happy with your family, with your job (or not working), and with your marriage, then you 'have it all,' regardless of how measurably successful you are, or how much you excel at certain parts!

No, you can't have it all in the sense that you will never, as a working parent, be able to give either your career or your children 100% of your time/attention, etc. I think it's possible to find a balance (although that balance is fluid, and not fixed), but there are sacrifices to be made on both ends. Sure, I can still make partner at my firm (I am an attorney), but by taking maternity leave and billing fewer hours per year (in order to be at home to put my baby to bed), it will take me longer to make partner than it would for a peer who did not have to make those changes.

@aprk: My priorities have certainly changed - it was automatic from the second LO was born . . . but sometimes it is really difficult to accept that all of the *sweat equity* I put into my career may not come to fruition. I love my LO and would not trade her, or my time with her, for a partnership at any firm (or whatever someone's penultimate career goal may be), but it is still a sacrifice (even though it is made willingly), and can be difficult to reconcile emotionally.

@MsLipGloss: THIS!!

I think it takes a lot of work to find a balance that works. I personally, am struggling with this right now. DH is very committed to his job and works a ton of hours. So, I have to make a lot of sacrifices with my career. For example: I'm the one that works reduced hours, always leaves to pick up LO. I'm not complaining, I'm very happy with my choice. But because I can't dedicate as much time to my job my route to partner will be longer than DHs to CFO.

I find the premise of the question interesting. Like everyone else, what does "all" mean? I have a very good friend who has said that men have "won" the feminism debate by saying that yes, women can advance the same as men, as long as they act like men. How different would our society be if, back in the day, women started out in charge?

@regberadaisy: I think a lot of it comes from unrealistic expectations too. So many women are told (through main stream media) that yes, you can have it all, with the *all* implied there to mean 100% in every category of your life . . . and, moreover, that they *should* have it all. I think that can only lead to feelings of failure/inadequacy (if someone isn't quick to define/determine what their own parameters for success are) . . . and nobody talks about it! So, we are *supposed* to be an incredible perfect parent (to an incredible perfect child), lose the pg weight immediately, keep an immaculate house, cook gourmet meals (and not eat them, obvi!), keep a perfectly clean house that is perfectly decorated, have a happy and fulfilling marriage (while being a sex goddess for our SOs), and still be a bad ass mutha fluckah in the office. I am exhausted just writing it all out!