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How big is your home?

We live far from both our families as well- 5 hour drive for my parents, cross country flight for mil. My parents drive up when c was born, visited us that day in the hospital, stayed in our apt while we were in the hospital, went home the next day. Then they came out about a week later, both stayed overnight and my dad took the train home while my mom stayed to help me when Dh went back to work. I get along great with my mom, and she was quite helpful- though not super helpful like some moms I hear about. Then she left and mil came for a week. Again very helpful and we get along well. I was happy when everyone left though, ad really glad we had almost two weeks of just me, dh, and the baby, first.

Our condo is a two bedroom so guests were sleeping in the nursery and c was with us in the master. I would not let anyone stay over that I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in front of. If you dot think they will be helpful, even just for company, I would try to push it back a little so you can get acclimated to your new life with baby.

Oh and my sisters and brothers came up for a day but didn't stay over. Long trip for them so it was really nice, but tree came at once an I was exhausted after. Are they all planning to come at once?

Out of town visitors had to find their own place to stay because our house just doesn't have any extra space to accommodate guests. The main problem we had was dealing with people who wanted to hang out with us ALL day and didn't want to lift a finger to help, just wanted to hold the baby etc. and be waited on as if they were guests under any other circumstances. I was taken aback by the lack of support/general ignorance about what it was like dealing with a newborn etc. and in hindsight I would have been much more assertive about visiting times/duration etc.

I would try and set expectations for the visit low, so you don't have to wear yourself out.

Like, "let me show you where the coffee and coffee pot are so you can help yourself in the morning." Or "let me know what restaurant you want to order out from for dinner." Don't do any more work than you have to!

@Cole: oh just read your update about your mom, which makes my advice seem not very relevant. But maybe counter her "I don't know how you like your dishwasher loaded", just try "Oh I don't care now, Mom...I could really just use someone to do it any way they can figure out". Just to see if it would work.

@Cole: we live close to family, but still had guests who parked their butts on my couch and didn't lift a finger to help. One group expected me to wait on them, and i was recovering from a csection.

For OOT guests, I recommend a hotel. The first few weeks home aren't hard, but we really did cherish the alone time that we had. There is no way I ever would have been comfortable inviting guests to sleep in my home. It was hard enough adjusting to the three of us! I also liked walking around topless when we were trying to establish BFing. I need, want and like having my own personal space.

For the unhelpful guests... I learned you've got to use your big girl words. Someone wanted me to make dinner, and I told them a menu for the local pizza place was on my fridge. I didn't expect anyone to unload my dishwasher or do our laundry, but it really was nice if someone offered to run the sweeper or brought food over.

I simply didn't allow guests for two weeks. That was the time frame I established for us to settle in at home. My mom came for one week after this period. She's very helpful and considerate. She'd make her own meals and offer to make me a quick lunch at the same time (sandwiches or leftovers). She's not much of a cook, but can master the microwave. She also wasn't comfortable with actually doing our laundry, but as long as I did the laundry, she'd fold/hang it for me. She's also really good about just keeping things tidy. She'd also retreat to her room to give us some alone time or tell me to just take a nap during the day. Sort of the perfect house guest.

My MIL on the other hand didn't come until LO was 2 months. I was dreading it. She's very opposite my mom. Fortunately she viewed this as HER vacation and slept a lot. So while she wasn't helpful, I didn't wait on her as much as I thought I might need to. She slept in late, napped, and went to bed early. And for some reason wasn't really interested in bonding with our LO (held her very little).

We tend to do a grocery shop when family arrives and tell them to get whatever they might want (quick easy foods). Then our kitchen is theirs, help yourself! I expect people to clean up after themselves. Pick up your towels, put your dishes in the sink or wash them. I'm not your maid while you are visiting my house. Treat it as if it's your own.

@Cole: I think preparing is a great idea! And, be vocal about your expectations. Someone told me to read the Lemon clot essay and it really opened my eyes to what the post partum period looked like. As a FTM, I didn't know what to expect and actually looked forward to having a house full of visitors. My birth was a bit different than what I also expected, but I did still want and need that alone time to heal and bond with our new family.

If it were me, I'd ask people to stay at a hotel and set up visiting hours. I personally wouldn't want someone in my house 24/7 other than me and my husband. You know your wishes best, though!

@Cole: I think having people wait until your DH is going back part time is a great idea-- plus it sounds nicer to say that you want people to come after that so you will have the help, vs I just really don't want you around right away. I understand the issue with MIL coming before your mom though. I was lucky that my mom is closer and therefore more flexible, and my MIL said from the start that she understood I would want my mom to come first. Sounds like you have a good plan of action.

My parents came to visit when my son was 5 weeks old. They bunked in the nursery, on our double futon and my mom actually helped me to transition him into his crib during that time.

I found that it was a good time for visitors because we already had a loose routine. My husband was home for two weeks, then I was on my own for three before my parents came for two weeks. I had something to look forward to and it turned out to be just what I needed (mentally and emotionally).