I should start off by saying I have the baby rabies big time right now. Funny enough, I think my husbands's biological clock may be ticking louder than mine at this point. I'm almost 30 and he's 37 next week. I've mentioned before, we're both carriers for thalassemia and will be using IVF to have our children. We have some major life changes to navigate in the next 2.5 years before IVF.

So, today my SIL (husband's youngest sister) calls to tell us they're expecting baby #3 come January. I'm beyond thrilled for them. I love my niece to pieces and we are my nephew's godparents. I wish we didn't live across the country so we could see them more. When she told us, I immediately started shrieking and jumping up and down. Silly girls such nonsense. I had to run out the door to one of my EI kids I see so I didn't get a chance to talk to DH about the news. I know he feels a bit guilty we have to wait a while before kids because of "him"(his words not mine). (He's being retired because of injuries so we're moving across the country and he's going back to school to start a new career). I've told him countless times that it's ok and that he can't help what's happened but I don't think it's done much to assuage his guilt.

On my way home, I started thinking about all the fun things I could purchase for new baby and SIL since I'm a shop-a-holic and baby clothes are my weakness. Then, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit, I had brief "why does it have to be so hard for us?" thoughts. It really caught me off guard. I've never had such thoughts before. Possibly because all but one of our couple friends have had serious difficulties TTC. I was absolutely heartbroken to hear about my other SIL's (DH's other younger sister) miscarriage right at 12 weeks.

I guess I'm a wee bit disappointed in myself for allowing myself to have such thoughts. A baby is absolutely a reason to be joyful. My heart hurts a little for my husband because I suspect he feels "behind" in a way since he was the last to get married even though he's the oldest and in all likelihood we will be the last to have kids. He won't admit that in so many words but he's alluded to it a few times. I'm younger than both SILs and am the oldest in my own family. My brother is a hot mess and may not live long enough to have kids (he's battling a serious drug addiction, but that's a story for another day).

I'm not really sure what the point of my ramblings is. I was just completely caught off guard by those thoughts and needed to get it off my chest.