this reminds me of a previous thread started about the mandated reporter. I feel terrible for this new mom!
http://www.scarymommy.com/arrest-for-leaving-baby-car/?utm_source=FB
this reminds me of a previous thread started about the mandated reporter. I feel terrible for this new mom!
http://www.scarymommy.com/arrest-for-leaving-baby-car/?utm_source=FB
papaya / 10343 posts
Wow, that is awful. That poor woman. I hope she gets a dismissal and a sincere apology from the Court for the insanity that has been thrust upon her.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
Totally messed up. I will say her ordeal has scared me straight.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
First off, I feel so terrible for her. I hope nothing bad comes of it.
That said, I can sort of understand nobody else wanting to drop it and then ultimately feel responsible if something happened, too. But ultimately I feel like they could have looked at security cameras/asked witnesses and figured out that she was really only gone a few minutes. Poor lady.
persimmon / 1364 posts
I'm not judging her but it's my hard line rule that baby never gets left in the car. It only takes second for someone to break into the car. The article says she went in for a donut. Maybe a drive through or just going home and eating there would have been the smarter option if she didn't want to disturb the sleeping baby.
pomelo / 5573 posts
Wow. I would not personally have done that BUT there are other things I'm ok with that other people aren't (like cosleeping, which is probably more dangerous). We all have to make our own decisions that are best for us and our family and it's crazy how hard they're going after this poor lady! This is just gross and I can't help but feel that if it had been a new dad nobody would have given him a hard time.
pomelo / 5257 posts
@erinbaderin: totally agree. From a risk standpoint, I'm sure most parents do things every day that are far riskier than the likelihood you'll be carjacked while your baby is in the car.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
This makes me so so so ragey. This mom did NOTHING wrong. CPS investigated. CPS found no problems. Leave this poor woman alone!
eggplant / 11861 posts
My heart hurts for this Mom, although it is something I wouldn't do, I don't think it is charge worthy but maybe a talk and letting her know what could happen!
I know it was only 3 minutes but some could say first it is 3 , then 5 then 10.......
honeydew / 7463 posts
@erinbaderin: @MrsSCB: I thought this a couple weeks ago with that crazy thread. For everyone who was flipping out about the baby being left, I thought "I sure hope you have all of your furniture strapped to the wall, don't cosleep, dont let them sleep in a rock n play, don't leave your kid unattended while eating" etc etc. There are so many things we all do in the confines of our home that are probably way more dangerous than what this mom did. But nobody is there to judge them or turn them into CPS.
And we also all do things that aren't regular occurrences but we realize later wasn't too bright. I'm glad no one has seen some of the things I've done that now make me cringe.
Even if this was wrong, I think it's reasonable to look at all of the facts and say "she made a poor decision. But we all do that sometimes. She learned her lesson. Let's move on."
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
So one question I legitimately would like to ask is
At what age is it ok for someone to sit alone in a car? Are only adults (age 18) allowed to sit alone in a car? Only once they have a drivers license (age 16)? Once they can stay home alone (who knows what age thats allowed).
pomelo / 5257 posts
@SweetiePie: exactly. I see photos of more dangerous stuff all the time. Cribs with bumpers, newborns sleeping with fluffy blankets, car seats improperly buckled...the list goes on.
The article noted that the baby stayed strapped in the car seat, car off, for an hour while the cops questioned the mom. I'd like to know why that was ok but the original three minutes were not. If the cops were genuinely concerned it was too cold, then that makes no sense whatsoever.
pomegranate / 3973 posts
This is really sad all the way around. It should've been dropped, if not when she came back within the 3 minute time frame, then when CPS dropped it.
I don't necessarily agree with what she did, but we all make judgement calls and I don't believe the baby was in danger (assuming this was a good/safe neighborhood).
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@T.H.O.U.: Different states have different laws. In my state it is illegal for any child under the age of 7 to be in a car without a person over the age of 13.
I don't agree with this woman's choice to leave her child unattended, but given that doing so was not illegal in her state, I really don't see how they have a case against her to put her through all of this.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@Truth Bombs: So how is this even happening if what she did was not illegal?!
pear / 1788 posts
Report first, save the child, get circumstances later.
If you pulled up a t a store/gas station / etc. And saw a child unattended in a car, what would you do? How would you know how long the child had already been in the car? I personally would rather err on the safe side of calling the police, having an unnecessary claim, rather than ignoring the situation and having a dead child on my conscience.
grapefruit / 4455 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: I get that, and I even *kind of* get pressing charges so nobody could say you didn't try to intervene (kind of..) but in this case CPS already cleared her so I feel like they could take their word for it or could have confirmed with others around/security footage that she was only gone a few mins, and stop at this point. I get that they had to put something down initially but can't the DA or whoever just drop it then?
On the other hand I read this yesterday so maybe I'm forgetting something but maybe CPS and the police/DA/etc don't communicate well?
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: I disagree completely. There was nothing to save the child from.
If I encountered the situation myself I would stand by the car for a few minutes, and if the mom was clearly close by and attentive I would tell her I hope she has a good day and go about my business. If it was a hot day or the baby was in distress that's different. If a person was trying to break into the car, or otherwise harm the child, different story. But they weren't. The baby was fine. If this is not against the law and the baby is safe it is literally none of anyones business.
We make judgements about risk every second of every day. We cannot alleviate all risk. It is impossible. Our society cannot continue to criminalize parents like this. The vast majority are just doing the best that they can. If It is not against the law, and the mother took reasonable precautions to protect her child from danger (real and imagined) this mom did nothing wrong.
pomegranate / 3895 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: Do you report children you see who are forward facing before 2? It's been repeatedly shown to be not advisable and it's FAR more dangerous (like not even a comparison) in terms of potential risk. Both scenarios aren't illegal and actually the car seat one has much more risk of having a "dead child on [your] conscience" statistically.
@snowjewelz: I have this same confusion. It relates to what @sweetiepie: says too - can we now just report anything that is outside our comfort level regardless of legality? While I would not do what was posted, when I drill down it's mainly because I'm scared of "good samaritans" not because I think the risk of what she did is any greater than the risk of leaving the room when your child is eating or running to turn over the laundry when your child is in the bath.
ETA: @Mrs. Lion posted while I was writing my post, but I agree. She said what I was trying to say with the examples. I particularly agree with her point regarding if the child was not in distress, etc. If you are worried about a child's safety, stand by the car. I also find the irony posted regarding the time the child was left in the car / cold during all this questioning particularly poignant.
watermelon / 14467 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: I would stand by the car until the parent returned. I've done it before at daycare.
I also want you to know that I hope you never have to go through a CPS investigation. I have and I can tell you that it is extremely traumatizing. And to think that the police are STILL going through with this after CPS cleared her is mind-boggling.
pomelo / 5573 posts
@avivoca: Thank you for this. I wrote something similar but more impassioned and then deleted it because I had gotten too riled up, but this "report first, ask questions later" mentality could destroy somebody's life.
pear / 1788 posts
@Mrs. Lion: @LBee: great, you ladies do you. No argument from me. I'm just personally stating what I would do, how I feel, and it's my opinion. If I see an unattended child with no obvious parent nearby locked in a car, I'm calling 911. It is up to them after that. Again, it's my personal choice.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: I have a very difficult time getting involved, because I fear retaliation. These days, with records being public, anyone can come up to my door and target me or my family. I am not comfortable taking that risk, so while the chances are extremely high that I wouldn't even notice an unattended child, I would be very unlikely to do anything, including stand by the car and waiting. I hate the fact that I think that, but it's not worth it to me.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@looch: Waiting and keeping an eye on the car doesn't have to include confrontation. If you wait for a few minutes, at a distance, and see the parents come back, you can just walk away at that point. Kids do get left in cars for too long sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Just this week two little girls in TX died when their mom left them alone in a car. I think retaliation would be a pretty limited risk, but if it's one you're concerned about, you can keep an eye on the child without forcing confrontation. Yes, if you watch and the child is there for an extended period, or goes in to distress, you have to act, and then a confrontation will be forced, but I would hope saving a child in distress would be "worth it".
coconut / 8472 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: If I pulled up to a gas station and saw a baby, I would:
- Assume the parent was inside for 5 minutes or less to pay
- Try to figure out through the window if the baby seemed ok
- If it's cold out I'd stand near the car for a couple minutes to make sure the parent comes back. A bundled up baby left for 5 minutes in a car that was warm is not in danger.
- If it's warm (75+) and the car's not running, that deserves immediate action in my opinion. I do not leave dogs or children shut in a car on a sunny, warm day for even 2 minutes. At that point I might call 911 because I would think the parent's judgement was dangerous.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Truth Bombs: I suppose, but in all honesty, I prefer not to get involved. You never know when someone has a weapon or makes the decision to retaliate after the fact.
If a child was truly in distress, I would likely intervene in some way, I am just not sure how.
blogger / grapefruit / 4836 posts
@ShootingStar: that's a more detailed description of exactly what I would do too.
grapefruit / 4321 posts
@looch: Agree to disagree I guess. If someone ever saw my child in distress I would certainly hope that concern over retaliation wouldn't stop them from helping.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
@Truth Bombs: Yep. Everyone has to do what makes them comfortable. People seem to be more apt to whip out their phones and start filming rather than offer a helping hand though....that's when it gets sketchy.
clementine / 777 posts
I don't know why any reasonable prosecutor would go through with this case, or why her lawyer would let it go to trial. Maybe there's more going on that reflected in the article. The article says she is eighteen months sober and a Google search shows someone with her name got a DUI in January of 2016. But I have no idea why the prosecutor wouldn't drop it if CPS did.
honeydew / 7463 posts
@ShootingStar: This exactly. Or in less words, I would use logic and common sense.
apricot / 485 posts
@ShootingStar: I would probably do something similar to this. If it is 90 degrees out I wouldn't wait longer than 1 m, I'd probably call 911 if I don't see anyone coming in 30 seconds. Especially now that it is summer. Winter is really a different story.
pomegranate / 3658 posts
@Mrs. Microscope: Your "personal choice" has the very real potential to destroy someone else's life. I also hope you never have to go through the experience of living under threat of having your children taken away from you. I really hope you have read avivoca's thread explaining what that experience is like.
http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/going-through-a-cps-investigation
coffee bean / 39 posts
I don;t think this mom did anything wrong. They have video surveillance showing that she was only out of the car for about 3 minutes. I think its terrible that they are getting this mom on negligence (even though it was legal to leave the baby in the car).
@LBee: I agree! and in California, it is illegal now to forward face before the age of 2, but I still would not report if I saw a kid <2years forward facing.
pear / 1788 posts
Please, no more personal attacks on me.
I haven't been in the situation where I have seen a child left in a car, thank goodness. As I see news story after news story about children dying in hot cars, I can only have my own opinion on how I could prevent such a death if I were to see such a situation.
Again, please no more personal attacks.
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