grapefruit / 4355 posts
I appreciate her being open about her struggles with infertility. But the idea of choosing your child's gender just feels like a slippery slope up to me. But all in all, who cares how other people go about forming their families!
grapefruit / 4455 posts
Tbh I don't know how I feel about people getting to choose their child's sex, even though I feel for anyone having to do IVF. I'm not a fan of the gender reveal hoopla either though.
Not worth criticizing her though!
nectarine / 2765 posts
I don't have a real issue with picking gender when you're already doing IVF. I'm not as big into it when it's being done solely for the purpose of choosing gender, however. I have IVF g/g twins...we did not choose gender and just went with the highest quality embryos per the dr's recommendation. I'll admit that if we were to have a third (extremely doubtful) we would consider choosing gender since it's an option.
hostess / wonderful persimmon / 25556 posts
I just think that it is so cool that we are that advanced in medicine that can pick your gender through IVF!
honeydew / 7909 posts
I don't see why anyone should be upset over someone else's decision that doesn't even effect them.
nectarine / 2152 posts
@twodoghouse: totally agree, well said.
pomegranate / 3371 posts
I'll go ahead and be in the minority. I think it's somewhere on the scale from silly to ethically weird to chose the gender of your child. But I'm saying that as someone who is truly stupefied by how huge the baby/kid gender stuff has gotten in the last few decades. But I know I'm in the minority-team green all the way, and we don't put gender expectations on our child either. I wonder how parents will feel who invest a lot emotionally/financially in having a certain gender only to have their kids grow up not identifying with that gender! *shrug*
pomelo / 5000 posts
If you put things out there widely for public consumption, you've got to expect some backlash, whether it's right or wrong, good or bad. This is why I would make the worst famous person out there-I'm way too private!
nectarine / 2461 posts
sounds like this is an icing perk, or a gender-based medical necessity, for people who have been through the hell of infertility and the pain and expense of IVF. I don't understand why anyone would begrudge someone else's choice or care.
this makes me think of the actually-serious problem of gender selective abortion and female infanticide, which is not something I know much about. my understanding is that it's a worldwide problem but happens here in the US with some frequency, too. I wish the twitter people would take a moment to howl about that?
hostess / wonderful apple seed / 16729 posts
So Chrissy went to Twitter about the backlash of her recent comments. She said she around so many open-minded people that she forgot that it was controversial. #IFAwarenessFail Brings me back to my IF journey when I tried so hard to be open and honest about our struggle but hearing comments about her decision makes me not want to talk about IVF. You wonder why I felt so comfortable surrounded by people who were going through IVF. Most people understood us.
nectarine / 2220 posts
While I feel like she shouldn't be attacked, the whole idea of choosing gender for non-medical reasons is a little scary to me from a "I'm not sure the world is ready for this" perspective. There are still a lot of places where male children are highly preferable, so I wonder about possible ramifications down the road.
squash / 13208 posts
Curious as to why she shared that information - sharing that your did IVF is fine but why does the world need to know that she picked a girl?
I thought this was quite funny (from twitter)
"I also picked the embryo with a taste for bacon, a knack for magic and size 7 feet so she can always find shoes"
pineapple / 12793 posts
I don't care what other people do, but I do feel squidgy about the ethics of gender selection outside of genetic necessity.
It's not legal in Canada.
wonderful pomelo / 30692 posts
@twodoghouse: I agree with everything you said!!
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. If I was unfortunate enough to need to go through IVF with PGD in order to have a healthy baby, I'd pick the gender too.
I think some people need to stop watching GATTACA so much.
wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts
@oliviaoblivia: that's interesting to know that it's not legal in Canada!
@bluestriped bee: Agree! I feel bad for her for exactly that! It's definitely 100% ok to have an opinion of the topic of gender selection. But it is not ok for people, strangers, to just opening attack/bash her! In my eyes it's hard enough to have to go through IVF to conceive... Who cares what else they choose to do!
coconut / 8861 posts
@MoonMoon: I'm in the minority too. I think that the way that she's discussing it is why she's getting the backlash. Her arrogance and annoyance is why people are upset with it. I don't doubt that Hollywood does this. There's even rumors and speculation that the Dutchess of Cambridge did this with her pregnancies.
For me, I may have wanted a girl, but didn't get to select that we have two boys. Yeah, I was a little disappointed but it didn't ruin my life or anything. If I was in her position, I wouldn't flaunt the gender selection the way that she did. It really makes me like her less. I thought that she was derpy, a little aggressive on Twitter, but generally harmless. Now, she's shown some arrogance. If anything, she's going to be one of those know it all moms. I'll be waiting for her baby/parenting book announcement this year where tells us she's the best parent ever.
@cascademom: I really do think that she lives in a very open minded/supportive bubble and I can see her having the personality, famous or not, to just say whatever. I guess she's one of those where you either love her for being too honest/over-sharing, or you don't!
pomelo / 5524 posts
@cascademom: I agree with most of what you said.
While I don't think that it's anyone's business but her own that she chose the gender of her child, the flippant way she posted about it opens her up to backlash. She "forgot" that it was controversial? I don't know about that.
I usually think that she's justified when she defends herself - especially when people were telling her that her bump was too big for how far along she was at one time. She also shot back a picture of her wedding rings when someone made a nasty comment about how no one gets married anymore before having a baby...good for her. This time, I can't see that she's all that justified to be shocked. She made public that she chose the gender of her child which IS controversial for some people. She shouldn't be surprised that she's receiving backlash from it.
persimmon / 1436 posts
I like Chrissy. Not a super-fan but follow her on Twitter and she's very open and funny. I find that refreshing. I don't have a problem with someone going through infertility hell and having to do IVF picking gender. I'm assuming it went something like a doctor said you have X healthy embryos and X are boys and X are girls. Do you have a preference? I probably would have said "ummmm girl??"
@Adira: Loved Gattaca, lol!
cantaloupe / 6059 posts
Yeah, not a fan of choosing gender at all in these types of situations but it's not really any of my business. However, she brought this upon herself by making it everyone's business by expressing a delicate subject so openly so she should expect some backlash in my opinion.
@snowjewelz: Me too!
pomelo / 5220 posts
It doesn't affect me, so why would I be upset about it? I just have never understood why people get so upset about other people's lives. Just because someone makes a choice different from the one you would make, it doesn't mean it is wrong.
wonderful pea / 17279 posts
@2PeasinaPod: wait, marriage THEN children is weird now? I'm officially old and out of touch.
@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: This is the article I was talking about. I loved her response, though I wish she would have said something about how it doesn't matter if you're married or not...I don't know why some people feel other people's life choices are somehow up for debate.
grapefruit / 4988 posts
I have zero problem with this. If you have already gone through IF and had to go through the extreme measures of IVF, and you have two perfectly viable embryos and one is male and one is female, I don't really understand what the issue is if you decide to choose one as opposed to letting the doctor choose one.
If it were me in her shoes, I would probably have not chosen the sex, but that is simply because I would love another girl and DH wants a boy. So "throwing the dice" is more fair. But if both parties want a certain sex, why not?
It's totally different in cases where healthy people choose to go through IVF in order to choose a sex. That, to me, is crossing a line.
GOLD / wonderful olive / 19030 posts
I never realized this was such a heated topic, if we were given a choice last time we probably would have considered it, I don't think there is anything wrong with choosing which gender you want if you are in the position to do so. Who cares? It's not my child it is theirs.
I don't even understand what is "unethical" about choosing the gender of a baby? Surely most of us have a preference, however slight...Why does this bother people? Not being combative, just really wondering why so many feel uncomfortable with the idea...
@Trailmix: I'm going to preface this with an I don't feel this way, but some feel as if it's just the start of something bigger. What will we start to choose next? Eye color? Hair color? Skin color? Controlling how a child turns out rather than randomly choosing starts to get a little tricky ethically. If something like this becomes popular, it's likening to Hitler wanting only a blonde haired, blue eyed race, and wiping out everyone else who doesn't fall into that mold.
@2PeasinaPod: Thanks for responding. I see what you are saying (and this is not directed at you since you said it's not your opinion) but that seems like a pretty extreme view to me, given the amount of effort, time, money, etc that PGD requires. It seems pretty unrealistic to think that suddenly everyone will be doing it for things like eye color, etc!
So to people who are against this, does this mean that people who use the Shettles method to try and get a certain gender are unethical? Just asking out loud, not starting a war.
@Trailmix: Agreed! There are also people out there who feel that IVF is controversial as well. I've run into a few extremely religious people who are passionate about God having a plan, and if that doesn't happen naturally, you shouldn't mess with that plan. While I am religious, I think that view is extreme. That argument can be made about any part of modern medicine. Why take medication when you have a headache? It was in God's plan for you to have a headache!
Again as a PSA... Please keep all conversations civilized! (I am very non-confrontational lol). I started this thread not thinking this is a hugely controversial either...
@psw27: I think b/c selecting via IVF/PGD is 100%. I believe Shettles method is just ways you can try to get the gender you want, but not 100% right?
I totally do think that it doesn't sit well with some b/c of a Gattaca scenario. If we can choose gender now, what next? Of course, for something like this to be accessible to all will def not happen in the foreseeable future. I also think it's interesting that Canada doesn't even allow it.
@2PeasinaPod: To add, also, not 100% my own opinion, but some probably feel like people are playing God in doing so.
@2PeasinaPod: Yeah, I am a Christian, but I believe that God gave us a brain, gave us free will for a reason. Yes, God has a plan and there are circumstances in life where you just have to have faith, trust God and wait for His timing... But it is super extreme/cult-ish to not take any medicine, not make logical smart choices just b/c you don't want to mess with God!
@snowjewelz: Totally agree - shettles is not 100% so it is different. I guess it just goes to that slippery slope/there is no right answer for everyone argument. If shettles were 50% accurate is that okay? what if it is 80%? As with all ethical arguments, there is no right answer! I can't see myself selecting a blue eyed, 5'8", blonde baby as my daughter just because I can... but if I were having IVF anyway, I could see me considering choosing the girl embryo since we already have a boy.
honeydew / 7444 posts
@snowjewelz: I think it's because of the health care system. For instance, if you are young and healthy, you cannot insert more than one embryo at a time during IVF. Multiples are high risk (and therefore a possible burden on NICU and health care system) and clinics have to report to the Cdn govt how many multiples have been produced through their clinic. It's different in the US because money talks - you want 3, 4 embryos inserted? Sure! I'm not surprised that you can also pick your gender while you're at it.
While i wouldn't be comfortable picking the gender, i really don't care about what other people do! Especially if i don't even know this person!
@catlady: Yup! This exactly!! We threw the dice with our IVF. DH wanted a boy and I wanted a girl. We transferred two and did not have PGD because I we had no reason to believe that something was wrong. Thankfully, both took and we have our B/G twins. Had our IVF failed and I had to do IVF again and had to do PGD, I think DH and I would have to think about if we wanted to choose the gender/sex.
@Trailmix: @2PeasinaPod: Yeah, I'm sure there are people out there who think IVF in general is wrong. I do wonder if some people think that and that might sway why they think picking a gender/sex is wrong.
@2PeasinaPod: Ah, I see you already brought up this point.
I'm catholic and I know using birth control under the church's eyes is wrong. I was really worried that some of my strict catholic friends were going to say something when we opened up about our IF journey. Luckily, everyone was very supportive. I'm so thankful.
@psw27: yeah, this whole thing is just such a foggy area, depending on which way you wanna go with it!
@Freckles: I see! Great explanation!
@bluestriped bee: Oh totally, if someone thinks even like IUI is wrong, then forget about the rest
coconut / 8472 posts
I personally don't see anything wrong with choosing the gender that you want. If I'd had the opportunity to do so, I would have. I would have been wrong because I wouldn't have gotten to have my son, but that's the choice I would've made and it wouldn't have any effect on anyone else except my husband and I.
I hate how people think they should be able to make decisions for someone else. Don't want to pick a gender? Don't do it. Stay out of other people's medical decisions.
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