My bff just lost her twins. She didnt know she was having twins but at around 11 weeks, she ended up losing them both. This was on Sunday. She hasnt said much more than this to me and I just offered her a shoulder anytime she needs it and left it at that. She lives in a different city and I am actually going there tomorrow for a couple days for unrelated matters. I really want to offer to help her out or take her for coffee or just a sit down and talk but not sure if i should just leave her be until she is ready to see people. I am thinking of making the offer and just leave it up to her. Is this a good idea? Should I send her a care package? I just feel so helpless I am also a little hesitant that she might not want t be around a pregnant person right now. We both have LOs around the same age and were both expecting our second around pretty close again
coconut / 8299 posts
That's so tough. I'm sorry for your friend. Maybe you can just reach out and let her know that you would love to see her but only if she's ready. I had a close friend of mine who lost her baby at 12 weeks and she just wasn't ready to see me (I was pregnant at the time). So I sent her a basket of goodies with a note to let her know that I was thinking of her.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
That really stinks. I think making the offer would be good. Will you have your LO with you? Maybe doing something with them like the park? I know when I lost my second, all I wanted to do was to be around my LO.
coconut / 8305 posts
I would definitely offer to meet up! Even if she declines, it will remind her that she's being thought about & is loved (super easy to forget sometimes). You could also put together a care package for her so even if she doesn't want to get together for long you could just drop it by & give her a hug?.
Sorry to hear about your friend's loss... you're a great friend caring so much!
hostess / wonderful honeydew / 32460 posts
@Lindsay05: My friend recently had a m/c and I felt really helpless and didn't know what to do either.
I sent her a text message telling her how sorry I was and that if/when she ever wants to talk, I'm here for her.
2 days later I sent her another text letting her know that I wanted to drop some food by so she doesn't have to cook.. and that I wanted to take her to get a mani/pedi on me when she feels up to it.
She gave me a call the next day and I took tons of food over. Seeing me and my kids helped take her mind off things and cheered her up.
Sorry to hear about your friend's loss..
pomelo / 5228 posts
Sorry to hear about your friend After my m/cs, I wanted to be alone for a few days. Everyone is different though. You should let her know you'll be in town and would love to see her, but make sure she knows that she can reject the offer. 3 months later, its still hard for me to be around pregnant women, and her feelings are now very fresh.
pomegranate / 3759 posts
Thanks all I will probably offer the visit and just make it known that it's understandable to reject it. I will probably stop and pick her up a few things to cheer her up. Probably some bubble bath, candles, chocolate and maybe a restaurant gift card.
coconut / 8299 posts
@Lindsay05: That sounds perfect. I would avoid flowers because they don't last long.