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It is obvious that you are struggling with these feelings and I commend you owning up to that. I don't really have any advice because I would feel the exact same way.

I would be very very uncomfortable with this situation for a number of reasons. I feel that especially since this is a small in home day care the primary care taker should have cleared the situation with the parents before bringing him in. It's so easy to say "he'll never be alone with the children" for her to then think to herself "oh well I'm just going to the bathroom" or "i'm just running to the kitchen to make lunch" and bad things can happen so quickly. Even just something like him deciding he's going to pick up one of the children and ending up hurting them in the process.

I agree with Mamamoose...I feel like this should have been discussed with all the parents before bringing him in.

I would feel the same way.

I agree with everything @MamaMoose said! I definitely don't think you're a bad person for feeling this way - these are understandable concerns! I would feel the same way!

@lizzywiz: Yes; thank you. I work in special education/behaviorism, and was just curious.

I find it strange that your daycare didn't send a letter out to the parents to give them a heads up. I'm a huge supporter of equality in the workplace for all, regardless of ability. But, as hard as it is to admit, it could present a liability when children are involved.

The special educator in me would definitely want to take some time and get to know him on a more personal level. If he's never going to be left alone with the children, I think I would feel encouraged to give it a chance, but it's hard to say, without knowing his demeanor and past history. You are completely entitled to your hesitation and worry - I'd feel the same! I know how hard it must be to come to terms with your feelings, as your professional life revolves around advocating for individuals like this young man.

I am not an educator, and I thought I do not discriminate, but I would have felt the same way as you do.

I am uncomfortable with having a teenager taking care of my child regardless of their mental/physical health. But that's just me. Then what you said about boy vs girl also makes sense for me (I wouldn't have thought of that, as I assumed they are not alone with my child. I would have not been comfortable with a 1-1 man nanny though). On top of that, the mental disability gives me a bit of an angst. You need to have the wits to make quick and right decisions when taking care of a child, sometimes it is not easy even for a healthy person to make the right decision.

With that said, I guess it really depends on how "disabled" is he, and what is his task at this facility. If his duties are just doing basic jobs, such as cleaning, changing sheets, tidying up the room after an activity, playing with the kids while there are other teachers monitoring, then I will probably be OK with it. If he is responsible for a few children on his own, then I won't be comfortable with it. I am probably not comfortable with him preparing bottles and lunch for the babies/kids since he does have an intelligence disability.... I don't feel comfortable when it comes to things that little kids eat. What if someone is allergic to something and the food got mixed up...etc.

I would ask to meet this person if I were you, and ask what is his duties. I think you will feel better afterwards.

@lizzywiz: I completely get what you mean. There is so much we know, working with the differently abled. For me, it would be hard to let go of control, and not want to micromanage the situation.

I definitely think you should talk to your daycare provider, and offer some of these solutions/reminders, stressing their importance. I think it's pretty cool that they're willing to extend a job placement to this young man, but I do believe they need to focus on making sure he is successful, and the kiddos remain absolutely safe.

Wishing you luck!

I don't think it's prejudice to not want someone who is intellectually disabled to be taking care of your child. Not everyone is qualified to do every job in life. I don't think it makes me prejudice against overweight people to not want my town hiring a 300lb firefighter- this is not much different. There are jobs out there for people with disabilities- child care is not one of them. Dealing with children on a daily basis takes a lot of patience- it's a challenge for people that are not disabled (myself included). It doesn't matter if they aren't left alone with them or not- it only takes a second for someone to accidentally cause physical harm to a baby. There is just too much risk involved- I would not feel safe with my child there.

@wheres_c: " I applaud them for giving him a chance, but I don't think it's the appropriate environment." < yes, exactly!

Maybe an elementary school would have been better. Or a library. But, not an in-home daycare, taking care of infants.

I don't know how I would feel as a mom, but as someone with a sister who has disabilities who herself wants to work with children and the wife of a special needs educator, I would hope I would want to give him a chance. Pirecautions need to be taken, and boundaries addressed, I agree. But I get why a daycare, at least in some circumstances. My sister is less intimidated by small children, and they really bring out a good side of her. Maybe he is similar?

Either way, I respect your honesty!

@lizzywiz: of course! And I agree with other posters, I am seriously impressed with you. It is so hard to live what we want to stand up for, especially when our loved ones are involved . And intellectual disabilities can.be so difficult to approach with the appropriate balance of dignity, respect, and caution. You should be really proudthat you're trying to work so hard to do this!

@lizzywiz: I would feel exactly the same way as you.

I would feel exactly the same way. Don't feel bad

I do wonder though: would you feel the same concern if he was a girl?!

We have a 30-something year old guy in our neighborhood who is intellectually impaired and lives with his mom up the street from us. He helps us maintain our huge yard/garden. He is great with kids (has lots of nieces and nephews) and I let him entertain my daughter when he is around. I am always there to supervise but I think it helps to boost his confidence and makes him feel proud.

I would definitely find out more from your day care provider and if you're still uncomfortable make the decision that is right for you. Maybe you could also come in one afternoon/morning and observe to see how he interacts with the kids and how he is supervised?!

@lizzywiz: I agree, I don't think the provider needed the parents permission, but she definitely needs to let all the parents know. And you have every right to meet this person and pull your LO out of the daycare, if you're not comfortable with the situation. I think it's good you're going to talk to the daycare provider and find out what rules will be in place. Then you just have to decide if you're comfortable with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong if you want to pull your LO out of the daycare if you're not comfortable with this person. Listen to your mama instinct!

Honestly, I would feel the exact same way

@lizzywiz: there is no one better equipped to deal wih his as a mom than you. It may help you, the daycare provider, the disabled learner and the kids to all grow. Maybe this is a gift?

@lizzywiz: " If I don't trust her to run her business, what am I doing there? " < bottom line.
I think, despite all details of this situation, the bottom line is, you don't trust the decision that has been made and/or the fact that she was not responsible enough to discuss this with parents beforehand. Therefore, you don't fully trust her. You've got to go if this is the case...

P.S: I am sos orry you're going through this! It is stressful. And, it is difficult to be surprised by your own reactions and to think, "wow, am I a hypocrite?" But, you're not. You're a parent, and parents must investigate everything. This is your child, and you have every right to (in fact, you should always) be cautious.