The ladies here on HB do wonders for moral support when AF shows, but I'm starting to get into a deeper funk that's getting harder to get out of. I know TTC is a journey, but when you're rapidly approaching the 1 year mark and have a clean bill of health, each passing cycle is a stomp on the ovaries. For ladies that have been TTC for quite some time, how do you manage the monthly disappointment and keep the optimism going?
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It is HARD. I've been down, WAY down...especially when I reached month 13. (I'm at month 15 now...) I try to remind myself of the things that make me happy in general and to DO those things. Like travel, seeing movies on my own, shopping at paper stores, seeing live music shows...but I don't think they solve everything. I find that writing down my thoughts has helped, in a dedicated journal. Putting pen to paper has always been cathartic for me. It's a struggle. But I'm trying to continue to think that one day, it will happen. I will get my BFP, and my husband and I will be parents.
Let me know if you need someone to talk to...
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@sweetooth: Thanks! I've started a weekly bowling thing with my hubby and invited any friends who want to come along. I bowled my highest score ever this past Monday and it was a pretty awesome feeling. I'm going to maybe pick up tennis again, but I haven't played since HS! I'm trying to occupy my time so that I have less time to dwell and mope around.
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I've been trying for 11 months, which is not as long as others on here, but it is long enough. I hit a low point during month 9. What has been helping me get through it is to do things for me and spend some quality time with DH not talking about TTC. I've started running (something I hadn't done since highschool) and even signed up for a race. I also started doing yoga. I have found that this has helped in a lot of ways. The deep breathing techniques have helped me get through a few of the TTC tests like the HSG and the saline sonogram.
What has also helped is that my doctor is extremely supportive. She told me that we always need to have a plan and a next step and to focus on what we are going to do differently next month. Don't focus on it not working this month, but what we will do down the line. This may seem wrong to do, but it really helps you get over seeing that negative pregnancy test. She of course tells me to never lose hope.
One last thing that has helped is to have a few people in real life that you can talk to. I am really a private person, but it really helps to have a shoulder to cry on that isn't DH. Don't get me wrong, DH is great, but it is nice to have a girl friend. This is hard on DH too so I like having someone to talk to that is outside of our little family.
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I'm only on month 8, but I like to think that some day I'll have a baby and it won't matter how long it took me to get there. I also think that I started by making TTC the central focus of my life, and slowly I'm starting to let it just be in the background of my mind a little more, to make room for other things. I don't know how to describe it... Living in two week increments and not making plans for fear of having to cancel them because I might be pregnant was getting to be really destructive. I guess I'm just trying to say I feel you
Hang in there.
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I'm in month 9 of ttc right now. I know that is not as long as many others, but it still feels like a long time to me. I haven't really found anything to help me cope at the moment besides just trying to put it all out of my head. I have been taking on more shifts at work and I've been thinking about starting quilting again, or learning how to knit.
To be honest I'm probably spending way too much time here and on babycenter. It helps to talk to other ladies who are having the same struggles, but I find it doesn't help me to relax and put it out of my mind. If this month is also a bust (I'll find out next week) then I plan to take a little break from the ttc/baby world.
I won't be going to the doctor until at least 1 year, since I'm only 27. I just don't understand why this is taking so long. All signs point to everything being totally normal, and yet we're still trying after 10 cycles? Doesn't seem quite fair.
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I'm sorry you're having a tough time
I try to focus on the success stories I hear whether friends, family, or internet and think that one day it will be me. It's easy to get sucked into focusing on how easy/lucky it appears to be for some while it is so difficult for others and wonder why you're getting the short end of the stick. I'm hoping to hear your success story soon -
@Alivoo01: My story is a bit different, but I suffered a miscarriage in December and was TTC for about 7 or 8 months before I got pregnant again. So much in my life changed during that time, though. I got a new job and went back to school and I know I wouldn't have done any of that if I had been pregnant.
Even though it hurt to lose the baby and every month that I didn't get pregnant felt disappointing, I feel like it really all happened at the right time and worked out for the best. I try to think about it that way...life takes so many twists and turns along the way and you really never know where you will end up!
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i have no answer to that, but i'd love to hear one! we're 13 months into try trying and there were 4 more months before that of not trying not preventing, so 17 months total. the past two months have been hard for me. i know i should be focusing on getting into the best RE, but i feel resentful for having to. it's not supposed to be this hard, it's supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not sad and stressful. right now i'm distracting myself with our upcoming vacation (a surprise for DH!) and thinking about how to make a perfect home for a LO. mostly i just feel broken and sad, like maybe i don't deserve a LO, but i know what someone deserves or doesn't has nothing to do with biology. i guess i need to find some healthier ways of dealing!
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i've been lurking for a long time but finally decided to join just to comment on this thread. we've been TTC for 17 months. charting the last 6 months and just had first IUI cycle (will know around 11/10). i've had a lot of melt downs because nothing is wrong with us either and there's no reason for us to be having problems..but what's gotten me through the most recent months is knowing that there must be a reason it's not happening and that when it finally does, what i hear and even read from others is that you can't imagine another baby except the one you got. so i try to remember that it's not happening yet but the best is yet to come..hope that helps..
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@everbee: Aww, that made me tear up. Thanks for that!
@Alivoo01: Thanks for posting this. It's 1 year coming up in December, and I'm a little scared that I'll lose my mind.
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I don't have experience but just wanted to pop in and say I'm thinking of you and hope you see a BFP soon!!
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It's a daily struggle, but I have to remember that there is a reason why I'm doing this. There is a baby for us and we will have it. For whatever reason it's taking a little longer, but I know it will be worth it. There were several people at my school that were pregnant the same time I was. It is difficult to see them with their babies, but it will happen for us. I know it will. Right now I'm taking a mental break from everything and I'm going to enjoy the holidays. Im focusing on working out and hobbies. Everyday I try to find something happy or beautiful about the day. I've been seeing a lot of butterflies around and I imagine it is our daughter letting us know that we will soon have a baby here.
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it was HARD. i did a lot of retail therapy, we watched a lot of movies and we ate out a lot. what really helped was having a friend IRL who was going through the same thing. we got together for cupcakes a lot.
@Alivoo01: hugs to you...@everbee: you are totally right.
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I'm not as far into my journey as you ladies are, but this thread was nice to read. I miscarried a surprise pregnancy in December last year and starting in March we started not preventing. In May I started using my cycle to time right and this past month I started temping and using OPKs. I just got AF this month, so I'm pretty down.
I never thought it would be this hard or take this long. You spend so many years trying to prevent pregnancy and then when you want to get pregnant it takes so long.
It also seems like everyone I know is either pregnant or has a baby. I have to remind myself that its not that simple. Several of my friends had to use Clomid or Femera, another, after almost three years, had success with IVF, and another couple finally adopted. I think knowing so many people have trouble and go on to have healthy babies is reassuring.
I am just trying to stay positive and focus on making myself as healthy as can be. I have some weight to lose, so I'm really hitting the gym and telling myself its one more month to be able to shave some more pounds.
@Jennimac - that is a really beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing.
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My husband and I struggled for almost 3 years. We were in the middle of an adoption, when I received the biggest surprise--my BFP in August and I'm due May 2013. Looking back on those 3 years breaks my heart. Those were some long years filled with sadness, anger and grief. Like others have mentioned, I focused on the positive things in life and enjoyed hobbies, traveling and spending time with my husband. I relied on my faith a lot and spent time reading books about others who struggled through infertility, my favorite is "Hannah's Hope." A group of girls at my church started an infertility support group for women who were struggling with getting pregnant, had suffered miscarriages or adoption loss. When I started meeting with those girls it truly changed me. I realized I wasn't alone and there were other people who were feeling the same way I was feeling and it was nice to know I wasn't crazy. Eventually once we started our adoption process I went to see a therapist to help with some more healing I needed to do.
It's not an easy road. I wrote some things on my blog, but for the most part kept a private record of my feelings/struggles. I definitely recommend that you try to find other women struggling as well, it's really nice to have support from someone who truly understands and knows what it feels like and to just vent about things.
Here's to hoping that you get that BFP surprise soon as well. Sending you and all the other ladies still waiting lots and lots of hugs.
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@justdarling: Only two ladies in my life know we've been trying for an extended amount of time, but when I vent to them when AF shows, I feel like I'm bogging them down since they're nowhere near TTC so I know it's hard for them to understand.
@Shutterbug: I noticed that I do make a lot of decisions on the what if I'm pregnant. I don't drink, I super limit my caffeine, etc. which makes it even harder to accept when AF shows. Starting this month, I'm going to try and move baby making to the back of my mind. It'll be hard since everytime we BD, all I can think about is internally telling my hubby's sperm to swim upstream hard and find the egg!
@alayaya: I'm also 27, but I've reached out to my OB and have started some blood work bc I just don't understand why it's taking so long. It shouldn't be this hard! I feel like I'm broken or something...
@tlcbaby: I had a loss in July, but was super early on (little over 6 weeks) and am just now starting to move past it. Seems like the only way to fill that void is to be pregnant, which isn't happening. Congratulations on your new job and your fresh start back in school!
@mrs. bird: I can totally relate to your broken feeling. That's exactly how I feel! I had an internal sonogram done and there's no blockage and my thyroid is fine so why aren't I pregnant?! All I can think is that something HAS to be wrong with me, and I can't get out of the guilty feeling I'm broken someway which is the reason why...
@everbee: Thank you for taking the time to sign up and share your experience with me. It's comforting to be able to relate to other ladies who are going through the same thing. All my friends already have 2 kids and are the lucky ones who conceived by their 2nd cycle. My other friends are no where near TTC so I feel so alone with no one to consult with. Best of luck on your IUI! You get to find out next week, which is exciting!
@Mrs. Cowgirl: As I've told other ladies, there aren't other people I know IRL that are going through the same thing. All the mommies I know got KU in 2 cycles. Only a couple people know we've been trying and we constantly get asked when we'd start trying. In my heart, I'm crying big fat tears because we HAVE been trying, and for many months!
@emg86: Thank you so much for sharing your story and offering words of comfort and encouragement. I appreciate it.
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@Alivoo01: I hate when people ask anyone when they're going to have a baby. I know too many people for whom that's a loaded question. I remember the look on my husband's cousin's face when someone asked her that for probably the hundredth time and vowed I would never ask anyone that question.
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It took us 9 months with 2 early losses to get pregnant with this baby. That's not as long as many of the ladies on here, but it was enough to have me at breaking point. As a matter of fact, I did break. For the first time in my life. I actually started seeing a counselor because I just couldn't deal. I was consumed and miserable. For me, the counseling helped a lot. I went once a week, and after about 2 sessions I started to feel better. We got our healthy baby not long after that, but that was truly the worst time in my life and my heart truly breaks for anyone that is dealing with that:(
Hang in there.
I try to focus on the success stories I hear whether friends, family, or internet and think that one day it will be me. It's easy to get sucked into focusing on how easy/lucky it appears to be for some while it is so difficult for others and wonder why you're getting the short end of the stick. I'm hoping to hear your success story soon Reply
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