I’m looking for advice on how to handle narcissistic grandparents. My daughter is the only grandchild on my side and my Dad and Step Mom are very interested in having her in their lives, but often do things that feel inappropriate to us. For example, they made up their own nickname for her and not only refuse to call her her given name but get mad that we don’t call her the name they made up because it means she doesn’t always respond to it when they’re around.

She turns two in a week and last year we didn’t do anything but this year we’re hosting grandparents on separate weekends. I mentioned to my parents that I was thinking about trying to make a cake in the shape of a turtle because DD loves animals and turtle seems like an easy animal to make. Well today they announced that they’re bringing a turtle cake when they come. Swooping in to make my daughter’s birthday cake without being asked or asking feels so far over the line. To date I’ve taken a laid back approach because more love is better than less, but come on. I know that if I speak up I’m going to be told that they were just trying to help and there’s only a problem because I’m causing one. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this? How did you handle it?