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I'm so sorry It is really hard. I'm 13 weeks pregnant now and pregnancy announcements still kill me a little bit. Since we lost our last pregnancy at 18 weeks, I don't think we'll ever feel confident enough to "announce" this pregnancy. Right now, I just mutter something awkward and am still terrified for anyone to know. Pregnancy innocence has been taken away from me and I am very jealous of those who get to 12 weeks and get to announce in a carefree kind of way.

I hope you have your healthy pregnancy and get to take home a baby very soon

I have had three losses and it took four years for us to get a sticky baby. Since then we have had two babies but during that time pregnancy announcements were so hard. I wanted to be happy for others but every time I couldn't wait to get away so I could cry in peace.

At the time I felt bad that I couldn't be happy for other people, but now I can see that it is just OK to feel how you feel. It is really hard.

Bumping this post because I'm currently in the MC process, and it feels like everyone is announcing. A friend with nearly the same due date as me announced in group chat the day after we found out our baby had likely died in utero, and the talk eventually came back to when DH and I were going to have kids. Thank god it was group chat and not face to face because I 100% broke down, and pulled out of a group trip in Feb because I don't think I can deal with a week of watching her have the pregnancy I so wanted. I know time will make it easier than it is now, and I am happy for friends, but it STINGS.

@karenbme: I've been there on both sides. I remember my SIL telling me breathlessly that she was pregnant when she *knew* I had just (literally, days before) had my second miscarriage in a row. We generally have a good relationship, but no mention on her part that it was a difficult thing, not done with sensitivity. I was totally wooden during the conversation and got off the phone and just cried and cried. That feeling that someone else has something that belongs to YOU is very real. Yet, my SIL's pregnancy was indeed hers to enjoy, as is your friends. You don't have to be happy for her if you don't really feel it right this second, it doesn't make you a bad person. And I think it's great that you're protecting yourself by not going on a trip you anticipate being painful. Hang in there and take care of yourself. Sounds trite but it's the best thing you can do

@karenbme: I am so sorry. Have you told them? Either directly or indirectly? I went through two losses and I have found being a little open to those close to me really helped. People stopped asking and were so supportive when we finally got pregnant and were so understanding when I wanted to out out of activities

@karenbme: I'm so sorry Been there and know it really sucks.

I think your feelings are totally normal, and you're handling it the right way, being polite when interacting but doing whatever it takes to shield your well-being, even if it means not hanging out with people for awhile. Sometimes the reminders of what is lost just sting too much...

I had a friend with exactly my due date, when I told her what had happened she was really understanding and gave me all the space I needed. I had other friends that were insensitive to my loss, not because they are insensitive people in general but just because they hadn't had that experience and hadn't stopped to think what it would be like. I had a later first tri loss, followed by an earlier loss at 5 weeks. When I told a friend (who has kids and is pretty oblivious that people might have issues with TTC) about the earlier loss, when it was still really raw, her reaction was "oh, I wouldn't have known I was pregnant", and then w/o a pause continuing to talk about her life. One of my DH's friends suggested I had a loss because I have a stressful job. Anyways, just to say opening up and sharing can be very helpful when your friends understand why you need to retreat a bit, but also can lead to some insensitive remarks when you're most vulnerable, so not sure where I stand overall on sharing...

@LCTBQE: Ugh... this is a big part of the reason my mom doesn't know about my miscarriages. It's amazing to me how many people still think that if a woman has a loss, she's done something wrong, usually being too career driven or stressed about TTC or whatever....I had a loss that resulted from two sperm fertilizing the same egg, which is by definition a random event (they just happened to get there at exactly the same time) - so explain to me how I caused that? Agreed, insanely condescending and false...

@karenbme: I'm so glad that people have been supportive so far, but am sorry about your sister. I know a lot of bees here have had similar issues with siblings, I hope it doesn't put too much of a damper on the holiday