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@coffeeapples: Oh my... I don't even know where to start. First of all, I want to say what a generous and nonjudgmental person you seem to be. It sounds like you're giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, trying to understand her and be in her shoes, but she is not doing the same. BIG HUG for you.

Without knowing more about your personality or hers, one thing I've learned to do when someone doesn't understand me is a two-step process: First, I sit with them and ask them to help me better understand how they're feeling. I ask lots of questions to get to all sides of her situation. I emphasize that it's really, really important to me to understand what she's going through. Validate, validate, validate. Then I ask, "Do you feel like I understand, or is there more that you'd like to explain?" Something like that.

Then it's the hard part. I say, "Okay, so I feel like I understand you. Can I explain to you my feelings?" Hopefully the first part of the conversation has her less on the defensive, and now that she feels totally understood, she's able to listen to you better.

In a perfect world, this is what I would do. But anyway, more than giving advice, I just want to empathize with you. Let us know what you end up doing. I'll be thinking of you. Lots of love.

Oh, dear, what a rough spot to be in. Honestly, I think the advice @ineebee: just gave is amazing and I hope something like that would work for you guys. You are a wonderful friend for being able to put your needs aside in order to make her feel more supported, and I sincerely hope she is able to do the same. Big hugs to you, and I wish you all the luck in the world on your TTC journey.

Wow. Just wow. Your friend doesn't realize that everything she is accusing you of is exactly what she is doing to you. I agree with THOU, this might just be a relationship you need to pull away from for a little bit. Its HARD going through IF and seeing all your friends get pregnant and have babies. Its completely acceptable to pull away a bit if you need to, especially if a friend is unsupportive.

Don't buy her gifts, don't apologize. Just tell her how you hurt you are with her actions and with your IF troubles, and leave it at that.

Sorry if this is harsh, but I'm angry for you!

I'm sorry, I know how hard this is! One of my very best friends is pregnant right now, but luckily she has been super sensitive to my situation with infertility, failed cycles, etc. She even asked if I was sure if I wanted to go to her baby shower (I went). I appreciate her being so understanding and honestly it has made it easier for me to be excited and happy with her because she so supportive on the days when I am not doing so well.

I would question your friendship a little bit as well. In my mind a real friend would understand how hard this is for you, and not push or be in your face about their pregnancy.

I think you are doing a great job being as supportive as you can be. I do think you should try having a pretty honest conversation about what you are going through right now, and if she still doesn't understand, I think that tells you a lot about her as a friend.

HUGS to you!

i am so, so sorry. how hurtful. i'm not sure if there is something else going on with her (sounds like you guys are good friends and i feel like there's gotta be a reason for her anger beyond what she's told you) and/or she might just be unfamiliar with the emotions/feelings that go along with infertility.

i like @ineebee:'s suggestion. in addition to letting her air her feelings, it will give her a chance to listen to you. i'm sure if she really got to understand what you are going through, she would take back the hurtful words.

Wow, how insensitive can she possible get? I just do not understand how she can be angry at you just because you don't want to see more pictures of baby clothes or ask her everytime how the pregnancy is going ESPECIALLY since she knows how hard it has been for you to become pregnant. I'm sure she has enough people doting over her anyway.

I say try meeting up with her to have a conversation. I would apologize to her that she feels you are not interested enough in her pregnancy, but say that this has been the most difficult struggle you have gone through. Say simply that after losing that embryo, all things pregnancy related hurt too much right now. You've done your best to be as supportive as possible while still protecting yourself. End it with you hope she understands.

Man, I get that some people don't understand the emotional struggle IF is, but seriously she is being way too self-centred.

Oh my word, I'm so, so sorry. I'm enraged for you. What the heck is wrong with this person? Is it not enough that she's getting a baby - the one thing in the world you would really, really love to have - she needs to be the centre of everyone's attention too?? And to parade this as "support"??? She doesn't want support, she wants attention. Raa! I get that she's excited, I get that this is the the single biggest thing that has ever happened to her but the world doesn't stop when you become pregnant. Ugh. Not everyone understands infertility, true, but surely everyone understands that when your friend is struggling with something you need to be sensitive - for example, if your friend was going through a nasty divorce, you wouldn't constantly text updates about how happy you are and how wonderful your husband is, would you??

I hope that this is just a breakdown in communication and that you can get through this together. You've received some good advice here.....

.......but at the moment I'm wondering how this person even has any friends.

I can *kind of* understand where she's coming from since one of my best friends was super unsupportive while I was planning my wedding because she was still single and she even cried on my wedding day because she was so wrapped up in her own feelings. Couldn't even get over it for one day to stand by my side. Not the same thing, I know - but same concept.

The only difference is, I never held it against her. I knew that even though she wasn't being supportive the way a friend should, that she still cared about me at the end of the day and I shouldn't expect her to have superhuman abilities to put her own feelings aside and pretend like she wasn't dying on the inside.

And honestly some people 'just aren't that into' weddings and/or babies, so is she reaming out the people who don't ask for selfies just because they don't care either way?

If she loves you, she'll come around. Being pregnant is a very emotional time so maybe she's just oversensitive. It's easy to get wrapped up in your own feelings and forget where others might be coming from. If I were you, I would just send her an apology and leave it at that. But regardless it seems like you guys need to spend some time apart if she can't be friends with someone who isn't obsessing over her pregnancy every minute.

I don't think it's even relevant that you're going thru IF (although of course it makes it worse). I can't imagine calling someone out for not giving me enough attention during pregnancy. Does she want a medal for getting pregnant?

Sure, we pregnant women all have our moments, but pregnancy is not an excuse to act like a batsh*t lunatic for 9mo. @coffeeapples: you didn't do anything wrong, don't buy her anything, see if she can calm down and find her big girl pants.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with her insensitivity. I was on the other side of things - my sister lost a pregnancy to trisomy 18 when she was 25 weeks pregnant. I was 11 weeks at the time. Understandably, she had a hard time being around me. It hurt that she wasn't excited for me, but I 100% understood and never once pushed the issue, even when she didn't visit her only niece for over a month when she was born. I withstood a lot of verbal abuse from her because I knew she was going through a rough time. All this is to say I think your "oldest best friend" is treating you like absolute crap. I don't think you need to be apologizing AT ALL.

I'm so sorry. This must have been so hurtful for you. Honestly, I would also question the relationship. People who have not been through IF will never know the pain but they can imagine it and have sympathy. It sounds like your friend is not thinking at all about you and maybe that's not a healthy relationship for this season in your life. I wouldn't buy any presents but I would try to reach out a little if she can't understand your struggle it might be time to pull away.

OMG! I'm sorry but I would be so annoyed. This is a vent but I can't believe she would be so self absorbed to only think about her and the lack of attention she is getting!! Unbelievable!

I would be diplomatically truthful to her and if she is still on that high horse then I would really reconsider cutting ties with her.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. IF is so hard and for people to be insensitive to your struggle is such a disgrace.

Only if, she apologized would I consider remaining friends with her.

Oh my I'm sorry. I don't even know how I would deal with it! I don't think you owe her an apology- she owes you one. Hopefully she comes to her senses!

Does this friend normally struggle to see other people's perspectives? I don't think you need to buy her a gift...instead of showing your friendship, it might only serve to feed her selfish behavior. If she wants your attention and support as she goes through her pregnancy, there are better ways for her to ask for it. Ignoring the needs you've expressed and then threatening to cut ties with you - that's not a friend. I might pull away for a while and if she comes to her senses after the baby is born then great, but if she never does then sadly perhaps she's not able to be the kind of friend you need. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of IF...you deserve to have only the most supportive people around you right now.

Oh, goodness. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. I am sending you lots of hugs, light and all good things that make you feel loved, comforted and supported right now - because you are, by this amazing community.

I would take a break from this situation and friend for a bit - even if it's a few days. As my mom would say, "put it on the shelf for a bit", and take care of you and what you need right now. You sound like an amazingly supportive friend who is very caring! I think your friend will come around at some point, but right now, take care of you and spend time with those people who love and support you. XO.

@Modern Daisy: yeah...weddings and infertility are not the same. At all. Sorry to be blunt but having dealt with issues with both my wedding and infertility journey it's just not fair to compare them.

OP, you have nothing to apologize for. Your "friend" is being unsupportive toward you and you deserve support during this difficult time.

Actually, coming to think of it I did go through something very similar as you two are going through. I was also struggling with IF for 6 years (!!!) and although we never went with IF treatment, it was not easy for me when my best friend was pregnant with her 2nd child. I was old (35), desperate, and devastated. All she talked about then was her child and her pregnancy whenever I asked her how she was. I think at some point I bluntly told her can she talk about herself rather than telling me about her kid and her pregnancy? And let me tell you. She is not the type of person who gets mad, and she seldom tells people off and what is on her mind, and she was mad at me. I apologized and she forgave me. I was pregnant (miraculously) a few months later, and I completely see where she was coming from.

Again, I wish you all the best. I hope very good things will happen to you very very soon.