It's the end of April. You've been lurking around in my mind for a little while - the past 6 months or so, whispering things in my ears, making sure I notice every pregnant person around or beautiful little munchkin. I stopped paying attention to baby shows on TLC or going into Carter's stores unless I absolutely have to buy a gift, because you're just starting to get on my nerves.

I know that this is the first real month of TTC - February didn't work out. DH was being a big fat jerk, and we didn't DTD at the right times, but that's ok. Now that we've started to really try, and do everything we thought was right, we were let down....

...but that's okay. As mad as I am, at myself, at my body, and at you for making me notice all of these little things, the right time and situation will come. You keep trying to push that thought away, Little Green Monster, but you're wrong. I'm meant to be a mother in some way, and I'm telling you now to leave me alone!!

You make me feel like I'm not good enough to be a mother sometimes, like my prayers are in vain, but you know what Monster? I'll show you, and very shortly I'll be telling you where to sit on it and rotate!

With warmest regards,
babycanuck