Just came across this article, and it makes a lot of sense. Of course, when LO arrives it will probably be too hard for me to follow!
Thought I would share:
Just came across this article, and it makes a lot of sense. Of course, when LO arrives it will probably be too hard for me to follow!
Thought I would share:
pomegranate / 3314 posts
Oh my God, I LOVE this. I sometimes feel like I am the only person of my generation who doesn't have any interest in attachment parenting. Sorry, I'm a little bit selfish and I just can't.
If you don't feel like attachment parenting suits you, please don't let yourself be bullied into doing it. There are times when I measure myself against my sister-in-law or women in my mommy group and think they are better moms because they don't practice CIO or want to keep the baby in the room with them for several years. But I will tell you that I truly, truly cherish having my room to myself (and husband, of course) and going out while leaving LO with a babysitter.
wonderful clementine / 24134 posts
I think it is just showing the other extreme of the spectrum. We never set out to "attachment parent" but I was happy to nurse my baby to sleep until she was around 9 months old.
You have to pick and choose what options work for you. Do you want your 3 year old sleeping in bed with you? Some people don't care. It wasn't super important to me that my baby sleep all the way through the night within the first year.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@meredithNYC: You are not alone.
My personality and my LO's personality are not suited to AP. She is very independent and doesn't like to be smothered with attention all the time. I don't co-sleep, I don't extended breastfeed. I dont babywear frequently, only when convenient. My daughter started sleeping in her crib at 2 weeks old and does just fine. I have no need or desire to have my daughter attached to me at all times and she has no need or desire to be attached to me at all times.
That being said. She's a total mama's girl. We have a strong bond and she is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted little girl.
pomegranate / 3314 posts
@Thehistoryofus: I totally agree! I mean, it's obviously going to one extreme to provoke a response.
It probably depends on what kind of community you live in and your parenting philosophy as to whether the article resonates with you. I live in Brooklyn and attachment parenting often seems like the only way, so I feel very much like an outsider at times. And I'm sure there are places where followers of attachment parenting are made to feel like freaks, too, unfortunately.
pomelo / 5178 posts
Wow, I think that article was incredibly narrow minded and short sighted. In the end, I'm all about using the parenting method that works best for yourself and your family, but to imply that anyone who doesn't do it your way is miserable and the verge of divorce is really insulting.
Fwiw, we're an AP-ish family (co-slept with both kids, didn't use CIO, babywear, etc...) and I don't think any better or worse off than any of my friends who've made different parenting decisions. We're pretty much all in the same boat, which tells me it's really about what works for you; there is no magic one-size-fits-all parenting cure, like this author tries to imply.
clementine / 916 posts
As someone who's been going back and forth over CIO, I really enjoyed reading this. I've been concerned all along about creating habits that I would eventually want to break, but it's also a good reminder to think about her future sense of self too. Thanks for sharing!
pomegranate / 3890 posts
i think both theories are good to use, just gotta use what works for yu and your baby. i would say we are a mixture of the two but rely more heavingly on attachment parenting. my son likes to sleep with us but is perfectly content sleeping in his crib. at almost 3 months he likes his independence but still likes to be hold and snuggled. i go off his schedule and cues but still live my life and he is content with going with the flow when we are out and about (this is more luck and his personality though, i think!) ive notied that the older generation goes for more a detachment parneting and more recent genrations follow ap.
this made me laugh.
"we've all seen Blossom nursing her 25-year-old on the subway."
pomegranate / 3314 posts
@zippylef: Your daughter sounds a lot like mine! I think even if I tried to attachment parent G she would revolt - lol.
GOLD / papaya / 10166 posts
We're very similar to @zippylef. My LO is so independent and so alert that we could never do the attachment parenting, although I wouldn't have minded if my LO liked to snuggle every now and then. You never know how you're going to be until your LO is here though. Just remember that they are only little for so long, so get your cuddles in!
grapefruit / 4800 posts
I think there's a lot of parenting styles that work and a lot of it is dependent on baby and parents personality.
But I didn't like how she portrayed people who parented differently than her. I don't parent like she does and my life has plenty of travel and sex
grapefruit / 4056 posts
I just don't understand the idea of choosing and following any particular method. Why do parents feel the need to box themselves into a certain "philosophy". I think it is much better for parents and children to go in with an open mind, and a few different ideas in mind and see what works for you.
I never intended on babywearing or co-bedding really. Sawyer goes through phases where he wants to sleep in our bed, or hang out in the sling, and he goes through phases where he wants to sleep in his crib and ride in the stroller.
I find the whole desire to label your parenting really odd. Why do we have to be "attachment parents" or "detachment parents". Why can't we just be "parents".
pineapple / 12526 posts
@meredithNYC: Oh yeah, she would throw a fit if I tried AP.
@BabyBoecksMom: I do with C felt like snuggling too. I only get baby snuggles when she's sleepy.
And honestly, the only AP thing I was totally against before she was born was co-sleeping. I thought I was much more granola than I really am. BabyBoecksMom is correct, you never know what style is going to suit your family until your LO is here.
pomelo / 5178 posts
@MsMini: That's a really good point that sometimes labeling leads to lines of division. Plus, I don't know a single person who follows a single method completely; most of us pick and choose what works best for us from a variety of methods/theories.
eggplant / 11287 posts
I agree with @msmini 100 percent. Why box yourself into this narrow category? To me, parenting is so instinctual and you learn to understand your LO's personality and individual needs. I never thought I was going to co sleep and I swore that baby wise was the method for me. It wasn't until DD was born that I realize she is not a robot, and just can't follow a rigid schedule. Baby wise went outto the window.We co slept the first two months and then she transferred her to her crib no problem. She now sleeps and naps in her crib.
I baby wear, not because of the philosophy but because I find it more convenient than a stroller most of the time. I exclusively breastfeed, but that is because I didn't have any problems with BFing from the start and we got in an easy groove quickly. I am not going to do CIO, because I feel my LO doesn't respond to it well. I have no problem rocking her to sleep, and I don't think I am missing out on anything (sex, parties, travel, movies) because of that. This article kind of irritates me.
honeydew / 7444 posts
mrs. jacks wrote a great post about AP (http://www.hellobee.com/2012/02/17/attachment-parenting-one-strategy/) and i feel that many have an extreme view of what AP is all about. I met this one parent who felt that you are not into AP if you do CIO or believe in discipline. I do my best to foster independence in my still young LO, but i attend to her needs like how any AP-parent would. I have a life, but it still revolves around her sleep schedule.
@LAGS: I was concerned about creating bad habits as well, but i found that it's not the end of the world if you do it before the 8 week mark. I brought her to bed with me so many times during some rough nights, but i don't think i was consistent enough for it to be a problem. Even rocking her to sleep no longer became a problem...now she doesn't even want to be rocked so i actually miss those days where she was happy in my arms!
GOLD / wonderful pea / 17697 posts
@zippylef: I'm the opposite--turns out I'm a lot MORE granola than I thought I was, and so is E, apparently.
I read that article a few days ago and thought her tone was pretty smug and condescending..."I'm right and my way is the only way that you'll raise a healthy, independent child and stay happily married and have good sex." On the flip side, I've read blogs/articles from hard-core AP enthusiasts who say pretty much the same thing in the same way.
I completely agree with @MsMini: do what works for you and your family. I don't get the fighting about it. What works for me and E won't work for Zippylef and C. Neither was is right or wrong, it's just what works for each of us.
pineapple / 12526 posts
@FutureMrsMcK: lol. I really thought I was going to be this crunchy mama who EBF and made her own baby food and wore her baby all the time... turns out I'm SO not. I do agree that the tone of the article is very abrasive.
cantaloupe / 6751 posts
I'm like @FutureMrsMcK... I turned out to be WAY more granola/crunchy than I thought I'd be. I really surprised myself (and quite a few people around me!) with the choices I've made in regards to my parenting methods. I don't practice all aspects of AP (example: we don't cosleep because LO doesn't like it, no BLW, I don't cloth diaper), but we practice most. It's just what works and feels naturally for our family, but that doesn't mean it's the right method or what works for everyone.
As long as you're happy, your LO is happy, and everyone is content - who cares what philosophy you subscribe to?
honeydew / 7504 posts
I think if you subscribe to one specific style or philosophy of parenting, you are doing you - and your LO - a disservice. Trying to force a child to conform to one thing just can't work. Same with trying to force yourself and your spouse to conform to one thing. I agree with a lot of aspects of AP, but not all of it, so it would feel disingenuous to try to force myself to practice it. Same with DP. Like PPs have said, you need to do what works for your family, even if that means picking and choosing from a variety of parenting philosophies.
persimmon / 1087 posts
The tone of the article is harsh! Do what works for you and your family. My husband and I are not attachment parents, It works out best for us and our son. Our son is thriving and an overall easy, laid back, happy boy, so it works. The debate on the best way to parent your children is a waste of energy and pointless.
coconut / 8299 posts
I agree with @msmini. Why label our parenting styles? Just be a parent! I just pick and choose what I feel is right for my kids, based on their personalities/temperaments and our parenting styles. It turns out that we lean heavily towards AP style (cosleep, no CIO, BF for a year) but we don't babywear 24/7 and we believe in timeouts or stricter methods of discipline when necessary.
coconut / 8305 posts
I wonder if she would feel the same way if her daughter didn't like sleeping on her own that young, needed more soothing & rocking, & wanted to be near her more?
I've done both her described style & ap. DS was very "independent", didn't need any CIO to sleep through the night in his own crib, or anything like that. DD is VERY different! She's starting to grow into her indepence at 5.5 mths but she is definitely more on the "high needs" side. Trying to keep her in her bed or not nursing through the night was actually ALOT harder on me & she didn't get adequate sleep either.... Side lying nursing & co-bedding part of the night has been a life saver for all of us. Lol She is starting to naturally sleep longer in her own bed before waking to nurse in our bed & I haven't had to push it. I give her plenty of opportunity to grow her indepence but I don't force it to fit "my" life.
TBH I used to think a lot like her but learned first hand how wrong that was with DD being soooo different than her brother. I guess what I'm getting at is every child is different & with each new addition you just have to do what works for you & your family. To think that one "style" or "philosophy" fits all all the time is just ridiculous.
honeydew / 7589 posts
I believe every parent has a right to choose how they raise their child. What they don't have however, is the right to criticize others choices.
wonderful pear / 26210 posts
I think what we as parents or parents to be tend to forget is that we are not the consumer any longer when our children enter the world, they are. Just because we decide we will do XYZ does not mean our children will accept that. Once your children are here, you adapt and change a lot of your thinking. I don't know any other mom out there (I haven't really asked a lot of dads in fairness) that has been able to implement every single parenting idea she thought of while pregnant. Just doesn't happen.
Judgement, on the other hand, occurs everywhere and that's where I think we need to be more sensitive to other people's choices.
hostess / wonderful grape / 20803 posts
@MsMini: well said! Totally agree. I never decided what type of mom I Would be before T got here. We tried BF and it stopped working at 6 weeks. He goes in a carrier sometimes. Sometime he doesn't want to. He has slept in his room since 1 month since we all slept better that way. He is independent but we have a very strong bond.
apricot / 290 posts
I think what a lot of us forget (all of us, regardless of our parenting styles) is what every flight attendant will tell you when your plane is taking off-"Secure your oxygen mask before assisting other passengers". We have to make sure we take care of ourselves, our marriages...its hard to be present and there for your child if you're exhausted, its hard to raise a happy, well adjusted child if you and your spouse aren't happy.
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