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DH and I went back and forth quite a bit about me staying home. I always thought I wanted to work, but once I had DD I realized how much I really wanted to stay home, and it was a big point of contention for quite a while in our house. Around DD's first birthday, we finally came to a conclusion that I would stay home once DS was born, and now I've been a SAHM for 4 months. Both of us agree that our lives run much more smoothly with me staying home.

I wrote a long post on WB a while back about all of our discussions and why DH was so resistant; I'll PM you the link over there.

@highwire: You've got time. Like I said, we didn't have a definite plan until DD was a year old and I was pregnant with DS! It's better to take your time and come to a compromise you both agree on thean rush into things and risk one person feeling unhappy with the arrangement.

I used to worry that DH would want me to stay at home, because he had the quintessential SAHM who is pretty amazing. My mom is the opposite - self-employed, very dedicated to her job, but just an equally as amazing mom (in different ways).

Anyway, I made it clear to DH before we got married that I would be a working mom - as a teacher I think it's the perfect balance.

BUT now that I am closer to having a family I wonder if I might WANT to stay home. DH will think I'm crazy if I say so - I've made such a big deal of it! Lol. A lot of my friends say that after the year maternity leave (go canada!) that it's VERY hard to go back to work afterwards, no matter how much you love your job.

So - it will probably be a game time decision! Maybe you could take a longer maternity leave then go back part-time?

DH and I have always had somewhat differing opinions; he wants me to be a SAHM and I want to continue working. DD is almost 28months and we have this discussion at least once a year but now that #2 is on the way the discussions have become more frequent and often times heated (primarily because of the cost of daycare for 2). While we could survive on his take-home pay there are a lot of pre-tax things that come out of my salary that he often doesn't think about (mainly health insurance).

Maybe you could try out being a sahm for a while, then reevaluate after a few months based on how it's going?

He is way more traditional and wants me to be a SAHM full time. Honestly we can't afford it though, I do still work as a nanny but I can bring DS with me. DH really feels strongly about this. I am ok with it for now because I couldn't make enough $$ to justify daycare, however I would like to get a weekend job to help out more, and DH could stay with DS but he really doesn't want me to. We're in a hard place with it.

This was a tough discussion for us too when we first got pregnant. If it were up to him, I think he'd prefer I work full time (even though we don't need the money). The main reason he feels this way is that there is always the chance that he loses his job and thinking of being the sole provider for us causes him a lot of stress. In the end, we agreed that I will go back to work part time (20-24hrs) which is what I want to do anyway.

My husband is more inclined to want me to work whereas I am pretty adamant that I want to stay home. As of right now we have agreed that at least until preschool age I will stay home, assuming finances permit, and then reevaluate. If finances don't permit we have a little wiggle room in our budget where we can drop a few things or I can work part time.

It is a difficult decision- babies change so much in the first year, but it is hard to live on less money and potentially lose your place or fall behind in your career. You just have to find what is right for your family.

Our decision is a compromise of the two- I stay home with our son, but I work on-site on my husband's day off, and I pick up work hours from home during naps and after bedtime. I am very lucky to have a job that is cool with my self-made schedule.

I am happy to get "grown-up" days and keep my foot in the door at work, and also spend the majority of my time with our son. This way I don't feel too shut-in and can contribute a little to our budget, but still have time to play and keep the house somewhat orderly.

Do you think you could sway him over any with the cost of child care? I know for me that if you subtract the cost of childcare from my take home pay it would, in my opinion, not be enough money to justify the stress and insanity of being a full time working mother. Luckily, my husband has no problem with me staying home and supports it 100%.

I agree with some other posters. You have time. Don't quit. Wait and see what happens. You may be surprised that you WANT to go back to work, or your husband may be surprised that he changes his mind about everything.

In terms of stress, sometimes staying home with the baby is more stressful that working. Trust me that for me that was the case. I always thought it would be fun to be a SAHM, although we needed my income, but I found that during my leave, at least once every day, I just wanted to scream and tear my hair out. When I went back to work, that stopped being a daily occurrence.

I think part-time work would be great, but it's not easy to find. One thing your husband may be worried about is you becoming someone he can't relate to anymore. I think a lot of men fear that although they don't want to say it! So maybe cut him some slack on that, too.

I think my DH would prefer I work part time. He already found a full time daycare for LO which I told him we would NOT be needing.

I'm open to working part time, but I'm NOT okay with putting my 12 week old baby with a stranger or in day care if I can help it. So, we'll see, I'm not deciding till she arrives, but it is stressing me out!