It started in the morning at church. Yesterday was our church's first ever "family service" where the kids stayed the whole time instead of going out to Sunday school. The first 20 minutes of the service was all about how children are such a blessing and God's gift and all that. They talked about how you should cherish those little ones squirming next to you and I burst in to tears. I tried to cry quietly to keep from disturbing anyone else... luckily I was in a corner so I don't think anyone noticed.

Anyway I cleaned up fine after church and headed over to our family Thanksgiving gathering at the farm. The day was great with lots of fun games and nice conversations... but then right before dinner people were prompted to say what they were thankful for. Someone said "family", someone else said "kids" and then one of DH's aunts turned to us and said "Hey!! We'd love to see some more kids! C'mon, we want to hear some babies crying!!" I was able to force a smile through that. However, then my FIL read a piece of scripture that I had just read the other day in my "baby hunger" bible study (Philippians 4:6-7) and the tears came down... but people probably just assumed I was feeling extra spiritual at that moment, lol.

The worst though came afterwards... DH's uncle came up to me and said "Geez, they were really pressuring you a lot in there!" and I responded with a smile and a "yeah..." but then he went on to say how DH and I are so busy as if that is the reason why we don't have a baby yet and for some reason everything just kind of crashed on top of me. I mumbled a small "excuse me", interrupting DH's uncle, and I ran in to the bathroom. I locked the door and cried for 5 minutes or so.

I pulled myself together as fast I could and got back to DH, but DH had apparently just talked to his uncle. He basically put two and two together and figured out we were having trouble conceiving. He did say that apparently him and his wife went through 4 cycles of IVF before conceiving their one child... so he said he understood. DH asked him to please keep it quiet because we really don't want the whole family knowing.

Well, so much for that. Later the aunt who made the "babies crying" comment came to me to apologize. I just told her it really was fine and not to worry about it, but obviously DH's uncle had already told at least one person, and a person who I wouldn't trust to keep something to herself. I'm worried now that my whole family knows about this... I just really don't want their pity.

On the way home in the car, DH said "I wish we could have a baby... it's time now" and I agreed.