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With my first, I stressed at around 8 months when daycare asked for more milk (that I wasn't producing in my pumps) - added pumps at work and in the evening, generally stressed out about it. With #2, when they asked for more milk that I wasn't producing I just sent in a can of formula. I couldn't go down that path obsessing about production again.

In the very beginning yes. DH actually told a few of the super pro breast feeding ladies he works with that we had to since LO was born with a cleft lip & palate (truth being we never tried or considered). At 7 1/2 months pregnant I told DH I was done sharing my body and I wanted it back (many bizarre pregnancy complications), before that I was considering trying it. I've talked to a few other moms who weren't confident in their BF decisions and tried to give me flak for it but ultimately that was their issue not mine. Looking back, I cannot imagine the panic of trying to breast feed LO with the cleft in those first days - we had to be very diligent about recording all of the ounces, approximating how much came up, and checking his weight.

It was definitely all in my head! With DD, I just never had great supply and with a hectic work schedule I just wasn't pumping enough and while I added pumps at night, etc at the beginning, I was just so exhausted! No one ever judged me outwardly though; it was probably just my own fears/guilt.

I did not get any judgment whatsoever from family and friends. But if I had $1 for every random stranger the asked me if I was nursing DD .... And I often was given side eye when I replied I wasn't. I really did not understand all of the judgment for random strangers!

ETA: I have no guilt or regret about switching DD to formula. It was absolutely the right choice for both me and her. And she is thriving!

With Dd1 I did. I got several negative comments and really took them to heart. One particular incident in the middle of the grocery store, being shamed by a complete stranger, really shook me.

This time with DD2 I could care less and literally have 0% guilt. Maybe it's because I see how healthy and smart and beautiful dd1 grew up to be that I realize how you feed a baby plays a very small role in the grand scheme of life.

I had a built in justification - having twins. I still felt self-conscious bringing out bottles of formula when we were out in public, though, especially when I was only out with one child. I did breastfeed them in addition to FF (and still nurse them at 20 months), but often had bottles for when we were it in public so DH could feed one while I nursed the other. I always felt "justified" in FF because a pediatrician and the lactation consultant told me to supplement since my twins were small and not gaining well (even with supplementing).

Recently I feel a little disappointed in the fact that I relied so heavily on that justification and wasn't open to friends and family that FF was a lot about saving my sanity, in addition to weight gain for my kids. A friend recently has been having a very hard time with PPD and her struggle to BF was really exacerbating it. She felt like she HAD to make BFing work because it was the "right thing," even though she had no desire to BF her daughter. She was looking for a "good reason" to switch to FF and didn't feel like "because I want to" was good enough. It was so hard to see her that way because it was putting so much stress on her relationship with her daughter. Two of our other friends were being pretty high pressure about just working through the early BF issues and then it would be fine, but I finally spoke with her privately and encouraged her to FF if that's what she wanted. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. She did switch to FF and is already feeling better and more confident about caring for her daughter. I don't think enough people acknowledge that sometimes FF is absolutely what is best for a family, a mom, and a baby. It was for me - I think we're only able to continue BFing at this age because FF took so much stress off of me regarding how much my kids were getting and gaining - and it certainly is the best for my friend too.

I think it's been more in my head for sure. I still sometimes feel like my choice is second rate- mainly because I never anticipated breastfeeding not working out. I feel confident I did as much as I could to make it to 5 months. That is something I remind myself of if I get a twinge of shame/guilt.

If anything, I am thankful for a new, more empathetic perceptive on the whole feeding debacle. I was judgey about formula feeding until my own experience.

I haven't FF yet (tried a few times with LO1 when I wanted to stop pumping, but her MSPI meant she could only take neocate and she wouldn't drink it and it was going to cost like $500/month so I stopped trying F and just kept pumping)...

But at work, I get a lot of incredulity about how I'm "still" pumping at work (and I guess, BFing at home), because I work in a school of tons of mothers but I'm the only one who has BF/pumped at work in like, 8 years. I assume they are just curious, but the same women will ask every month or so (when they see me going back and forth to the faculty room fridge), "Are you STILL doing that?". My LO is 5 months old, so yes...still doing it. I don't think they are judging, just baffled about why.

But I have to say, teaching is one of the hardest jobs to pump at (I'm pumping now). It only works for me because I'm also a School media specialist, so I have a little more flexibility with my schedules. Otherwise, many teachers only get 1 planning period a day and a short 30 minute lunch and it just isn't possible if their planning period is first or last period. So I do understand both ways.

I just feel awkward all the time when I'm the only new mom who has to skip out early on team meetings because it's my pumping time--or if there's a field trip, I have to go ask about how/when I would pump.

I did EP for my first daughter, and I did sometimes wonder if people were judging me for bottle feeding (they couldn't know what was in the bottle), but I never had a stranger even mention it to me. The majority of my IRL mom friends formula fed.

Nope, not at all. I have a job where pumping would have been nearly impossible, so my plan was always to combo feed once I went back to work at 12 weeks. I only got flack from people about it a few times, and if I am being totally honest, I was a complete b*tch back to them...not that I regret it at all. It was what was best for everyone.

I will add, that I was an EBF baby, and I have always had all kinds of complex medical issues. So, I have personal experience EBF is not a cure all for avoiding health issues in the future, which was freeing for me.

@Anagram: I'm in the same boat, I feel like I've got a lot of flack for still pumping at work.

I haven't had much support for BF but with both my kiddos I made it until 6months which I feel good about, with LO1 I had so much anxiety about adding formula and I even had a nurse tell me " if you tried harder you could probably make enough milk for him", so I told myself that with LO2 if I had to use formula it wasn't a big deal, and it was incredibly liberating and much less stress
bottom line, babies need to be fed no matter how or why

Yes, but it was all in my head. I put myself through emotional hell trying to nurse a tongue-tied kid and then beat myself up for having low supply. I pumped for 6 months even though he mostly ate formula.

This time around, I won't be so hard on myself. If BF works...great! If not, going right to formula.

@Finfan: I feel like so much of that stuff is environmental, too. How can they really do a study that takes into consideration alllll the variations (daycare or SAH, what kind of daycare, older siblings that are in school, season allergies that run in the family, SAH situations that vary--like one mom rarely leaves the house and the other is out taking their kid to classes every day). I feel like all the environmental stuff would skew any kind of results.

Or maybe I just think that because my EBF, daycare kiddo was constantly sick from the second she started daycare until my summer break--whereas my SAHM friends who formula fed had 1-2 illnesses the whole year.

I felt the need to justify with my first, even with a pumped bottle of milk. I felt like others judged me, even though I know now that it was just in my head. With my second cared much less.

interesting to read these replies because as someone who breastfed for over one year, at that point, i felt i had to justify why i was still nursing and felt judged for it like i was weird.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I was so disappointed to have to stop BF my first at 8.5 months, that I did. It took a while, but I got over it. Most of my mom friends, if not all, BF, so I would explain why I wasn't anymore. My second wasn't FF, she BF until 16 months, and that was healing for me. To be clear, I believe feeding a baby, however you do it, is best, I just had personal goals and disappointments to grapple with, which involved justification of FF to try and ease my own mind at the time.

ETA: conversely, I did have to justify BF past 12 months to my family.

No one ever said anything that made me feel judged, but I still felt really self conscious about it. We combo-fed lo after I had supply issues and it was absolutely the right decision for us-- I'm just weaning lo now at 21 months and using formula from months 2-12 meant we could continue our bfing relationship while making sure lo was thriving. But I always felt I needed to justify why we were giving her bottles too, even though no one ever made me feel badly

I FF from the very beginning and did not feel that I needed to justify my decision to anyone. My hospital is very pro-nursing, and they were still very supportive of my choice (lactation consultnt was sent to my room by mistake, and after apologizing asked if she could help me with anything formula feeding related). I think because I was confident in my decision (intensified by the fact that LO came early and was 5lbs and needed to gain), I didn't notice if anyone was judgy, and the only person I can really recall saying something was my MIL, but she's an ass.