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@Finfan: Ugh. I hate that. Formula companies are not allowed to advertise infant formula here so instead they advertise their "follow on milk" products, but spend the majority of the advert (TV commercial) going on about how great breastfeeding is, then add "if you choose to move on, our formula is great for babies 6 months +). WTF??? Its so bloody insulting.
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I didn't feel the need to defend formula ... but I did feel the need to explain to my "lactivist" friends that there IS such thing as chronic low supply. They would always suggest stupid things like drinking beer, or water, or taking herbs. Obviously I tried alllll of those things. It just got annoying. I had someone ask (while I was making a bottle), if formula was actually safe. Ugh. People are stupid, and I tried to not let that be my problem.
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@littlejoy: Lactivist!! Perfect term! I had the same situation. People want to constantly tell me to try essential oils, or oatmeal cookies, or yada yada for my low supply.
To the OP's question - I am surprised so many people here think the judgment was in their heads. I am 100% certain that my mom friends judge me for FF based on things they've actually said and how they act. Shrug. I had reasons. DS was losing weight rapidly, was dehydrated, my milk still wasn't in on day 5, his ped instructed us to supplement etc etc. I probably could have weaned him off the supplement but I didn't. Now, like one PP mentioned, he gets about 10 ounces of breastmilk a day and 20 ounces of formula. And it's REALLY GOOD for me not to have to get up in the middle of the night and worry about pumping and for DW to be able to give DS a bottle in public.
Rant over.
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@wrkbrk: Yes!!! If you've never had to give your starving baby formula ... then you really shouldn't have anything to contribute to a mom who has tried everything. Right?! People are the worst!
I'm happy you found a balance that worked for you. Once I stopped obsessing over my production, and started supplementing more, I felt that really amazing balance I needed.
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@littlejoy: Thanks!! Yes. So sorry I want to feed my starving newborn who was crying all night overnight for the first 4 days of his life. As my ped put it: "We are pro-food."
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@wrkbrk: I have to be honest and say that for a lot of my mom friends on Facebook I don't even know whether they BF or FF. There are a few who work as breastfeeding peer counselors for the county health department but the vast majority never say. I suspect all of my working mom friends use formula to some extent. I do feel the guilt I experienced was from internalizing the "breast is best" message.
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In the beginning I did, but with time I got to the point where I just stopped caring. I feel like everyone can find something to judge a person on, even when breastfeeding.
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@Finfan: Yeah figuring out how much is tricky, what with growth spurts and all. At 6.5 months, she gets about 5 oz 5-6 times a day. Occasionally she wants an ounce more so I make a little more. Formula isn't cheap so I start with less and make more is needed!
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With lo1 I did, but with lo2 I don't. Maybe that has to do with the fact that it just didn't work out with lo1 and with lo2 I chose not to because of health reasons, so I guess I know in my head I have that to fall back on. I feel no guilt about it though. Disappointment, sadness, maybe. But not guilt.
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@wrkbrk: maybe it's regional or your particular friend circle? I think where I live, FF is still very, very common and in my mom's group at least half were formula feeding from the beginning and that increased over time as people went back to work. I only knew 2 mothers that went to a year breastfeeding. I was the only EPer and I think some of my mom friends were incredulous about that (like, why I would do it, which in retrospect, I sometimes wonder the same thing), but I never felt any judgement at all. But maybe that's just luck with the particular mom friends I made, I don't know.
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I had to supplement with LO1 from the beginning and I always felt judged for it (no clue whether it was in my mind or not). He began to prefer the bottle and refuse the breast turning me to EP with formula supplementation. I think its another one of those pressures that hits FTMs really hard. LO2 is 2 months and is EBF so far but I already told my husband and the pediatrician that if she starts refusing the breast I will not EP again and she will be on formula. You have to feed your baby an acceptable form of nutrition, as a STM I have much more confidence in my choices so I would not feel the need to justify them again.
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I FF my first two, and never felt judged. FF is the norm in my area. However, #3 is EBF and I feel very judged by my family. I frequently get comments from family. And I can't even mention my plans to BF past a year 🙄 It seems that no matter the decision we make for our babies, we can't win.
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@Anagram: Maybe! I don't know anyone besides me who FF except one friend who had to bc she had severe pre-e and was taking seizure meds after her baby's premature birth ...
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