I had to wait for so long for my husband to feel ready for kids, like years. When he finally came around and we tried for a baby I had a miscarriage. Now I have my sons and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, but I always thought I’d have a little girl. It feels like everyone around me got exactly what they wished for sometimes and I feel so incomplete.
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My husband also wanted to wait a long time. I was 36 and 39 when my daughters were born (my second is only a month old). I always thought I’d have at least one of each. Gender doesn’t matter to me much now, but I do wish we had started a little younger so we could have one more baby.
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I have one of each and always thought I’d have two girls. Sometimes I feel like there’s another girl out there for us and sometimes I feel like that’s crazy talk
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@stormborn: just curious about the people around you who you say it seems like they got what they wanted--do they mostly have one of each? my real estate agent is pushing 50 and has two boys who are older teens, and she told me people finally stopped asking her like two freaking years ago if she was going to "try for that girl". made me wonder if a person has two girls if they get that kind of pushback about trying for a boy...
We will have one of each--first pregnancy I wanted a girl and got two miscarriages, third pregnancy I wanted healthy and got a boy, fourth pregnancy I was grateful it was easy and too tired to care (for real) and we're having a girl. we're thrilled to have both but I'm a little sad not to have brothers. up in the air whether we'll try for a third, but I'm turning 36 this year and mostly the tired thing
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I feel this way. I love my sons and would not give them up for anything but my whole life I planned on three kids. I wanted two boys and then a girl. Life has thrown some unexpected things our way (horrible PPD and an MS diagnosis for me). Neither mean we HAVE to be done at two but at this point it feels selfish to put my boys through what another pregnancy would bring just because I want another kid (that I would want to be a girl).
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I really didn’t have a firm idea what I *wanted*, but for a long time I felt like we would have two boys, and I felt pretty good about it. Like sure I guess I would like to have a girl too, but whatever. We were team green for our first but positive it was a boy. DH wanted a boy. I was happy about it. When she was born a girl I had this overwhelming feeling of “of course I always wanted a girl, how could I not have known?!?” So maybe deep down I did always want a girl. With my second, DH wanted a son, I wanted a sister for dd1. When we found out she was a girl I was happy they would have sisters. But I’m sometimes a little sad for DH that he will never have a son, since we both feel for sure we are done.
So I guess I got what I wanted without knowing it was really what I wanted, but DH didn’t get what he wanted.
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@LCTBQE: I had people ask me plenty of times- while I was still pregnant with my second girl- if we were going to try for a boy. I was like, one, we just met, two, could I finish growing this one first? Is that not enough for you?
Since having her I really haven’t had many people ask if we want to try for a boy. Sometimes people ask if we want another, and when a friend had her third people asked if she was hoping for a boy, but not really like they assumed everyone would be trying for that specifically.
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@Foodnerd81: hahaha, I guess people are just relentless no matter what? it does seem peanut-gallery-wise like it's worse for women with all boys though. that's cool that now that you've had your second you're not taking unmitigated shit still, though
my husband and I are truly pretty unattached to gender, I think as much as you can be, but I have to say I get kind of miffed with all the people IRL acting like I won the lottery that I'm having a girl this time--like it makes me feel defensive for boy pregnancies and brothers everywhere.
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@LCTBQE: my SIL has all girls and my brother is having a girl. Most of my friends have one of each. Silly I know but it feel left out. I don’t know everyone’s situation but I can’t help but feel jealous of people who got to start sooner or didn’t have to go through a miscarriage or who got what they ordered.
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@ladybee: I’m so sorry about your PPD and MS. That must be awful. Not to mention how much it sucks when your life choices are beyond your control.
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@Foodnerd81: I guess we are the opposite— DH got the timing that he wanted and I didn’t and he got two mini-hims and I’m on the outside of their bond sometimes.
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I never had a set plan of whether I wound have boys or girls. But now in hindsight I love what I have - 2 boys then a girl all close in age.
But I understand having an image in your mind and having it turn out different. While it may seems other got what they want, no one’s life is perfect.
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i assumed we'd have a girl first and have 3. we're having our third girl in the next few weeks, so i suppose i got what i wanted. we're definitely done after this (we were having a third to have a third child, not try for a boy) and i've definitely been asked like @Foodnerd81: if i'll have a fourth and want a boy. um, still pregnant and no. people are just weird and have no filter!
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If the sonograms are to be believed, we’re expecting a little girl and have a 3.5 year old son already. I’ve dreamed of one of each my whole life and feel so lucky. Timing was a little off (took my husband ages to come around for each pregnancy, even though he LOVES being a dad), and we also had a miscarriage this fall, but I am focusing on the positives and feel so grateful for the family we are having. This is our last and I cannot wait to hold her and watch her big brother interact with her.
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@LCTBQE: my friends who had girls first then had boys got the same lottery winning reactions- soooo lucky you are having one of each!
My mom had a boy first, then a girl. When she was pregnant with me (third) she got so many reactions, like, why!?! You already have one of each! Why are you pregnant?! She said no one commented on her fourth or fifth pregnancies since they knew she was just crazy by then.
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@Foodnerd81: Funny you mention your mom getting comments on a third after having one of each....I expected a ton of “Oh ANOTHER boy” if this were a boy (would have been 4th grandson, ours is the first granddaughter) so when it turned out to be a girl I figured people wouldn’t have anything to say. Nope. I get “oh, one of each! How fun! Clearly you’re done after this!” As it happens, pending healthy baby, we will be.....but not BC you, random stranger, have suggested we stop! The peanut gallery always has something to say, eh?!
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@LCTBQE: You know I have three girls....people just assume we're going for #4 to try to get a boy. Personally, I wanted two girls first, and knew we might go for three, so kind of assumed our family would be two girls and a boy. I felt like a girl needed a sister, and a boy with big sisters would just be a super nice guy. Then when #3 actually happened, I was sort of terrified I wouldn't know what to do with a boy if #3 had been a boy. Now while I really can't imagine having 4....if we were to go for it I'm 50/50 between trying anything to have a boy for DH, and being so scared to step out of my comfort zone that I'd hope for a girl anyway!
@Foodnerd81: Yeah, people loved to ask if we were going for #4 while I was still pregnant with girl #3 - they also often felt the need to giggle and blurt out (before I even answered) something along the lines of "Because you KNOW you'd have another girl - or maybe twin girls!" NO!!! FILTER!!!!!
@stormborn: While I to some extend "got what I wanted", I just wanted to sympathize to say, I do get it. I was extremely worried when I was pregnant with my first two, whom I very much wanted to be girls, because I felt like I might be disappointed if they weren't, and hated that feeling. Obviously if they'd been born boys, I would have been equally smitten. I also wanted to say that sometimes there's definitely some guilt in "getting what you wanted" - I don't feel a profound sense of loss in not having a son, but I know my husband would have really liked a boy in the family, and I feel guilty about that (even though it's not like I choose the sex of our kids).
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I would say yes, but not in the timing/spacing I expected. I really wanted a girl at some point, and I wanted three, especially after our second was born. I had losses before each and some IF, but if all goes well we will have girl boy girl each 3 years apart.
I totally understand disappointment when it doesn’t look like you had dreamed. We conceived this last baby on what might likely have been our last cycle trying, after not seeing a bfp for a while after our last loss, and I had started working through those feelings. -
We weren't officially TTC when I got pregnant, so it hasn't been completely ideal, but overall, our lives were going quite well when it happened. I had no preference for sex of the baby as there are pros and cons to both. It helps to set the bar low!
I'm sorry about your miscarriage. It's wonderful that you have sons. Maybe you'll get some granddaughters, and then you can spoil them all you want without having to do the tough parenting!
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Technically, yes, but it didn't happen in the way I had hoped. I had two losses before my son and tried for nearly a year to get pregnant the second time and we just found out today that it's a girl. I'm going to be honest, I feel guilty about how excited I am to have a daughter because I know I wouldn't be as excited if it was a second boy. I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything, but I just always envisioned myself with a daughter. When it's all said and done, I am sure I would feel the same way about my kids no matter their gender.
I am so sorry for your loss and that you feel like something is missing. I hope that feeling lessens soon and you get to enjoy being queen of the castle.
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I have one of each. I wanted all boys. I'm happy with my daughter, and we will start trying for number 3 this summer. I will be happy either way, but am hoping for another boy.
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@stormborn: YES, I never cared about sex, just wanted kids...we have 2 and I am extremely happy
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I spent five years trying to have my first, so by the time I got pregnant I just wanted a baby. All my friends had girls so I was pretty excited to be having a boy for a chance of pace. When I got pregnant with my second it was unexpected, so I was pretty split - I would have liked one of each, but I also would have been happy with a little brother for my son, which is what we got. People kept asking if we were going to have another to try for a girl. We’re staying at two but if we’d gone for a third I would have hoped for another boy, I love my little guys like crazy.
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I didn't have a preference but now that I have a girl I can't imagine having anything else (probably fear of the unknown). When/if we have another I hope it's another girl because I want my daughter to have a sister. I'd be happy either way, though
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Not to make you feel bad, OP, but yes!
Before being in a relationship I always imagined having a little girl, just one. My husband always wanted multiple children and especially a boy. My desire for one trumped sex. I am so happy we have a boy. If we had another that would be fine, but I feel like my husband is just as happy as I am.
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Kind-of. I always knew I wanted two of the same gender, but did not care which gender. I am one of four girls and I absolutely love my sisters and felt (possibly wrongly) that my kids would have a better chance of being close as adults if they were the same gender. So I have two boys and I absolutely love it.
That being said, there is a part of me that will always want a girl (too, not instead of) but three kids are not in our future due to infertility and advanced maternal age.
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I wanted 3-4 without miscarriages. I'm pregnant with number 3 and I've had two miscarriages. This will be our last.
I didn't really care about gender.. my first was a boy so I thought another boy would be awesome and could totally see myself with all boys. Then we had a girl and I was thrilled. Number 3 is another boy and we are quite happy with that. We just wanted 3-4 kids. I would go for 4 if I stayed pregnant/had easy vag births. But we will be done with 3.
So overall, assuming this baby stays good, we will have 3 kids and in the long rung we will have gotten what we hoped for!
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Sort of. I wanted 1-2 kids and DW firmly wanted (and wants) 1. I am SO happy with our son but it’s a little hard as he grows up and I know each stage is the last forever!
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I wanted a girl and that turned out to be LO 1. I really wanted a boy next (in part bc it would continue a family name, Lo2 is the 5th!!). And just wanted a boy experience. So we are done and 100% satisfied.
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In an ideal world, I’d like one more baby but I always thought it was most likely we’d have two. I never had gender preference but now that I have one of each I feel very lucky and the balance is really nice for our family.
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I try to be open minded but honestly I'd really like two or three kids (I have a 2 month old now) and there will definitely be a grieving process if that's not feasible (I'm older and we had two miscarriages before my LO, so I don't take it for granted). I don't care much about boy vs. girl.
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@periwinklebee: you're not that old!
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When I was young I wanted two boys. As I grew up I wasn’t sure if I even wanted kids at all. Once I met my husband and we decided to try, he had strong wishes for a girl so I hoped for that as well. We had a boy and he’s all I could ever imagine! We are one and done (99% sure). So to answer your question, yes and no. My husband did not get what he thought he wanted, I had no idea what I wanted. But when all is said and done I am so incredibly happy with my little family. My son is amazing and I couldn’t imagine him as a girl at all. (It doesn’t hurt that he’s a HUGE mamas boy!!)
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Originally: 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, firstborn girl.
Now: 2 kids, hoping for a third I think but we'll see, LO1 is a boy and LO2 is a girl.
With PCOS and low morphology, I'm deeply thankful to even have a child, and to have 2, at that.
We are definitely not having 4! I didn't really think about the pregnancy / sleep deprivation phase when thinking about 4
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@stormborn: Yes and no? I never really wanted kids so didn't have a number in mind. After having our first LO, I wanted 3, and would have loved a girl. Two years of attempting to conceive, miscarriages, testing and complications later, I just wanted a 2nd, no matter what gender.
I am thrilled with the 2nd little boy we have now and we are done. I would love to have the 3rd (and a girl) but do not think I could mentally and physically handle another 2 years like I had again.
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DD1 was a huge surprise pregnancy. I had just moved back across the country, was finishing my Masters, we were looking for our first house,I was applying for jobs, and we were planning a wedding from 6 hours away. I wanted a girl both because I always wanted girls and because I don’t have brothers and needing to feel my way through yet another brand new thing felt daunting. DD2 I really couldn’t decide what I wanted, and we had a girl. I’m really happy about that now. We’ve gone back and forth about having 3 and I feel completely ambivalent about what that one would be. I haven’t had people ask if we are going to try for a boy, but DH definitely has a lot of times. I don’t feel left out of anything.
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I am in love with the idea of 2 girls and 2 boys. Everyone has both a brother and a sister. Right now we have 2 boys but we’ll very likely stop at 3. I just feel like the jump from 3 to 4 adds a whole other layer of complexity. So, we probably won’t get my “dream.” Though I don’t know what I hope for with #3 then. A girl for the new experience and a possibility of the dream or a boy and keeping it simple and closing the book on the dream for good.
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DH and I were married 7.5 years when DD was born. He wanted kids earlier but it worked out well to wait. I desperately wanted a girl but only told a handful of people. I had a hard growing up and wanted to see my husband raise a girl, a boy would have been great but having a daughter has been healing. We did not find out sex until 34 weeks. I don’t care much next time and would slightly prefer a son except for that we disagree on if a son should be circumcised.
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I did. I wanted 2 kids, one of each, and that’s what I got. Had we had two of one gender, we definitely would not have tried for a third of the opposite gender.
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I always hoped for two kids, one of each gender.
My husband I met when I was 32 and got married when I was 34. We waited a year to start trying, and then it took eight months and a miscarriage to produce our 4yo son. He was born a couple of months before I turned 37.
We started trying for #2 a few months before his second birthday which frankly felt a little rushed but I was (rightly) worried about my age. Two years later, after umpteen fertility appointments, five rounds of Clomid, three IUIs and two more miscarriages, I appear to have another sticky pregnancy (currently 21w3d). And I am getting my girl...
... plus a second girl because they are idenical twins. Due after my 41st birthday.
So, I am getting more than I wanted, plus a high risk pregnancy and as an older mom than I would prefer. I think once the babies are a year or two old things will be terrific but I am worried about getting through this pregnancy plus surviving the "fourth trimester" with two babies.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed I try to count my many blessings and also remind myself that at least it's not triplets!
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