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Did you get what you wanted?

  1. Mrs. High Heels

    blogger / eggplant / 11551 posts

    I wanted a girl. Our first was a girl, so the second time I didn’t care either way. Another girl would’ve been good because I would’ve loved to give DD a sister (I have a sister), but we would’ve also been happy with a boy. We ended up with one of each.

  2. misolee

    persimmon / 1345 posts

    So I thought I would have boys...and everyone and their mom thought my first was a boy. But she was a girl. And I loved it.

    Then I got pregnant with my second and really wanted a sister for her. But he was a boy. And again I loved having a little boy no matter how crazy he is.

    With my 3rd, I really really wanted a girl and a sister for my first. They would be about 5.5 years apart. But everyone said it would be a boy and with only two years apart between my son, that it would make sense if it’s a boy. But LO and behold, she was a girl and I finally got what I wanted 😁

  3. Reese

    pomegranate / 3521 posts

    Not that it was necessarily what I wanted but I only pictured myself as a mom to boys. It was hard for me to wrap my head around having a girl. (My brother only has boys, DH is one of 3.. and his brother only has boys). When we were pregnant we both knew it was a boy and it was. My second ended up being a girl (she’s 2 weeks now) and I STILL can’t believe I have a girl. I’m very happy having one of each but I do get a little irked at the “omg you got the millionaires family” comments. My family would be no less awesome if my children had different genitals.


    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @Reese: this is how I feel exactly with the kings's family/it's just so perfect comments--it would have been just as perfect if we'd had another boy, or even just our one boy. I'm just grateful to have babies and not to have had comparatively very much trouble having them.

  5. Alba4

    nectarine / 2951 posts

    I wanted two children but I never had a preference for gender. I’m totally happy with two boys and it does get tiring to hear about whether we are going to “go for the girl”.

  6. ineebee

    pear / 1580 posts

    It's hard to believe, but I'm getting what I wanted. I wanted a boy first and then a girl. I have an older brother, and I wanted the same for a daughter if I had one. We're expecting my son's baby sister in a few weeks!

  7. agold

    grapefruit / 4045 posts

    I really want/ed two girls now and a boy. That’s my ideal family. After trying for years and doing Ivf for my first, I was so happy to have a girl. I have a sister and she has a girl. Then #2 was a total surprise shocking free pregnancy. I was split on wanting a boy or a girl. It’s a girl due soon. I was initially pretty sad about not having a boy. But I’m also so so excited to have little sisters. I have gotten comments throughout this pregnancy about trying for a boy, or, wow, girls! Things like that. It’s annoying. My husband himself wants to try for a third, now, to try for a boy. And while I am open to three kids for lots of different reasons, three kids also would be hard for us for different reasons. (And who knows if I could even get pregnant again? You better bet I’m going to be careful, though! so crazy after Ivf..) I won’t try for a third if my husband is really just hoping for a boy.

  8. Ajsmommy

    pomegranate / 3355 posts

    I wanted two children. I "thought" I'd be a better boy mom based on my interests and friend list so I "wanted" two boys. However, as time went on I decided I would rather have one of each like me and my brother however I'd want the boy to be older. I love seeing older bro's being all protective over their little sisters. So for the longest time I wanted one boy and one girl, with the boy being older.

    What I got:
    I got the two children

    I got the boy and girl

    Girl is older though... BUTTTTT I wouldn't change it for the world, it's just perfect. My sweet, smart, loving DD is just perfect!

  9. psw27

    pomelo / 5220 posts

    I knew I wanted my oldest to be a boy, and he is. When I got pregnant with #2 I was hoping it would be a girl because I wasn't sure if DH was on board for a 3rd and I wanted a girl. #2 is also a boy. Now DH is on board for a 3rd but I think we both hope it is another boy - funny enough! I'm not sure I'd be a good girl mom at this point.

  10. josina

    pomegranate / 3973 posts

    I've always wanted a bigger family, 3+ kids, and I just wanted at least one girl.

    With our first I was happy to be having a boy / "big brother" and DH was elated to have a boy (he has a daughter already).
    With our 2nd I convinced myself it was a boy - b/c I didn't want to be upset if I didn't get a girl, and we got a girl . On the other hand, a boy would've ensured me trying for a girl and having 3 kids, because I think DH would've given me that.

    Now we're at a crossroads b/c DH wants to be done, and somedays I'm okay with that because 2 is crazy, but somedays I want that bigger family, so, we'll see yet!

  11. Sams Mom

    grapefruit / 4492 posts

    We waited to find out because I thought having the baby there would prevent any kind of gender disappointment. Growing up I said I wanted a boy first, then a girl so she would have an older brother (came from a family of 3 girls and always wanted a brother). I was 95% sure I was having a girl, was excited about having a girl, and then my husband told me it was a boy. The only moment I had was my immediate response was "You're sh***ing me!?" Wasn't really upset, but I was so sure my mothers intuition was right. I wouldn't have it any other way, but now that we're trying for another, I want a girl sometimes but then I think maybe I'm just meant to be a boy mom.

    All that to say, I didn't get what I thought I would, but I'm on track to get what I planned.

  12. 2littlepumpkins

    grapefruit / 4455 posts

    Before kids dh and I thought it would be nice to have 3 spaced about 3 yrs apart each. I did get 3, spacing is a little different than that, and in the meantime I went back and forth about what I wanted.

    My first pregnancy I had no preference for gender but was just excited to be starting our family.

    My second I had maaaaaaybe a slight boy preference, but honestly was fine with either! Got the boy.

    My third I thought having a girl, with my other 2 kids' ages and genders, would balance our family out better than a boy, but for *me* I was ok with either if that makes sense. We had a girl.

  13. snowjewelz

    wonderful kiwi / 23653 posts

    I mean, when I was younger I wanted to be married by 25 and all done having kids by 30 haha. I didn't meet my husband till I was 26, got married at 28 and gave birth to my 1st daughter a month after I turned 30.

    I have 2 girls and it's exactly what I want. Currently still grappling with being done, but I'm pretty sure we are! No desire to have a boy even if we go for a 3rd

  14. nwm

    clementine / 830 posts

    this has been an interesting thread to read. growing up i imagined having four -- boy girl boy girl. but, i don't know that i ever thought that was realistic--i grew up in the big city, and live here now, and having four kids here sometimes feels like it's only for trillionaires.

    when DH and i got married, i was thinking more like 2 would be realistic. i think i had a slight preference for a girl with my first, because i was a little intimidated by parenting a boy--i grew up with one sister and not a lot of close cousins in age and i just felt like a girl was more what i imagined when i imagined a baby. instead i had DS and he is the best person ever. so, now that we are expecting number 2, i was much more genuinely ready for either gender. i am very happy to be having a girl now, but agree completely with @Reese: @LCTBQE: --i got so many "it's perfect" comments, and it just makes me feel so defensive of my son. um, he is perfect, and if he was having a little brother that would be so perfect too. luckily our families were less like this than i expected (my son is the youngest of a large number of boy cousins), so it's mainly the peanut gallery, which is annoying but at least way better than our families going over the top.

    number 2 is due in june and i'm a long way from knowing whether we might want to go for number 3. 4 seems completely outside the realm of possibility, but if we do it soon 3 still seems possible? but i'm already into AMA territory, with number 3 i will be over the age-37 risk hump, and DH is a lot older than me, so i just don't know what we'll feel is right to do next. right now just want DD born healthy in a couple months! so i guess that's all to say, i still don't know what i want, exactly, let alone if i'll get it. it seems like whether i can imagine handling more kids changes with every phase my son goes through anyway

  15. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    I have one of each with one more on the way and we dont know the gender yet. I never had a set idea of which genders we wanted or how many of each

  16. Mrsbells

    squash / 13199 posts

    @Reese: yes i get those comments too and i feel a bit odd too.

  17. stormborn

    pea / 16 posts

    @PinkElephant: thank you for saying that.

  18. stormborn

    pea / 16 posts

    @summerfruit: thank you very much. I am definitely very blessed but will always be a little bit sad about the baby I lost.

  19. stormborn

    pea / 16 posts

    @Reese: @LCTBQE: you could take it as a compliment. It’s nice that people think you have a great family. I would love the opportunity for a son and A daughter. It doesn’t mean I love my two boys any less.

  20. ShootingStar

    coconut / 8472 posts

    I got a lot of things I wanted:

    - 2 kids
    - Perfect spacing - I wanted 2 years 9 months and got that exactly
    - A girl

    What I didn't get was the 2 girls I thought I wanted before I had kids. Now with one of each gender, I truly feel like our family is perfect for us. Yes, I would have loved and appreciated my kids in any gender combination. But I really love getting to experience both. I am close with my mom and I wanted to have a girl in the hopes that we can be close as grown ups. And I wanted to experience a girl to go shopping with and get pedicures with and do all sort of girly things with.

    I will admit that two boys would have been hard on me. My biggest struggle with DS is his crazy energy and physicality. He's always crashing and bumping and yelling. He even walks super loudly. I love him, but I think I'd go crazy with two of him 😬. Though come to think of it, two of my daughter would make me just as crazy, lol.

  21. Dr. Pepper

    apricot / 461 posts

    I wanted 2 kids, one boy and one girl (in that order).

    I had two miscarriages, then a little boy. Then a blighted ovum, then another little boy. They are seriously the best little guys in the world and I love them so much and they are so great together. It is awesome watching brothers together and I'm thrilled with that outcome.

    But, I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel like there is a little girl waiting for me somewhere. So, we decided to try for one more (knowing it would probably be a boy). We have had another miscarriage and a horrible long drawn out ectopic pregnancy. I think we are still going to try for a third.

    End the end, no matter what happens, I'm thrilled with my two healthy boys. The process of getting to them has sucked beyond belief though. At this point it is impossible to enjoy the whole getting pregnant/being pregnant part. Once I have a healthy baby it is great though.

  22. LCTBQE

    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @nwm: this is exactly how I feel about having a third too, and we must be about the same age—I have never wanted four though
    @Dr. Pepper:
    @stormborn: I know it’s meant to be nice, but it isn’t a compliment, it’s a congratulatory you-won. it’s not like I’m going home and stewing over it, but the reaction would be different if it was a boy, and I don’t think another boy would have been lesser in any way. One of my best friends who is completely crazy about our son told me “I’m glad it’s a girl because I don’t know how I could have ever loved another boy as much” —that I thought was a compliment

  23. stormborn

    pea / 16 posts

    @LCTBQE: I have told people having one of each that it seems like the best of both. I tell people that boys/brothers are the absolute best when they find out they’re having boys. I don’t literally think boys are better in this world than girls, you just say whatever in the excitement of someone else’s situation. Now I am wondering how many people were secretly thinking my reaction was wrong.

  24. LCTBQE

    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @stormborn: now I’ve talked about this so much that it sounds like I’m touchy as hell, but I’m not I swear! Your response is really not the kind of tone I’ve gotten that I’m talking about —people have said “thank GOD” “you’re soooo lucky now you don’t have to have a third and just hope you get a girl” “FINALLY” (that one was a text!) stuff like that.

  25. Ms.Mermaid

    kiwi / 745 posts

    @LCTBQE: ugh my parents showed up in the hospital and were like “FINALLY A GIRL” because I have two nephews and I was so angry I almost asked them to leave.

  26. MissKriss19

    olive / 55 posts

    I always wanted boys!!! But I do feel like I have exactly the right family and feel 100% complete - two boys very close in age and a baby girl.

  27. bubblegum

    pear / 1717 posts

    I have one of each which I love and totally wanted. BUT we agreed to stop at two but I’m pretty bummed DS will never have a brother.

  28. PawPrints

    pomegranate / 3658 posts

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with disappointment. I feel extremely lucky that we did get what we want, even got them in the desired order - first a girl, then a boy. I really, really wanted a girl, and DH wanted a boy, and after getting my girl first I also started wanting a boy (partly for DH's sake) so I was thrilled when we got one.

  29. crazydoglady

    nectarine / 2431 posts

    @LCTBQE: I totally know what you mean. Before my ultrasound, I was talking to a coworker and she said, "you have to have a girl!" I responded with "that would be great, but I will also be happy with another boy" She said, "yeah... (totally unconvincing)" As a boy mama already, that attitude peeves me. Am I extra thrilled to be having a girl? I will admit that I am, and I think it's cool to experience "one of each," but I don't know why people who are on the outsiders to my immediate family have the gall to insinuate that my family is incomplete because of some notion they have about families. If I think that, then fine, but it's my freaking family and I am entitled to gender dissapointment, but don't try putting it there if it wasn't there to begin with.

  30. skipra

    pomegranate / 3350 posts

    @stormborn: I guess I feel similar. We have 3 but I wanted 4. The sex never was a big deal to me. I leaned toward wanting a boy first and we did. We have 3 boys. I think it bothers other people that we don't have a girl because I get a lot of comments but I wouldn't change a thing about any of my kids.

  31. LCTBQE

    nectarine / 2461 posts

    @Ms.Mermaid: hahaha/ughhh. naturally it's not about you going through the most dramatic and monumental event in your life or about your pure sweet baby being her own brand new perfect tiny person, but about their experience as grandparents, right.
    @crazydoglady: totally, thx co-worker lady. what you said about the implication that something is better than or complete/incomplete reminds me so much of what my friends who are married and don't want children, or are one and done, have gotten over the years.

  32. Nutella

    persimmon / 1045 posts

    @LCTBQE: to everything you say (& congrats on the second pregnancy again, so stoked for you)!!
    We had soo many shit comments after we found out LO2 was a boy as well. Lots of “oh well” or “poor you” or “you can always try for a girl”. Many friends said things like their biggest fear in life was having three boys etc, so that stuff hurts still. They eventually ended up with one of each so I felt bitter for a while that they could say stuff like that out loud! It made me very defensive of my boys (& made me like those people just a little less 😳😳😳)
    Everyone (including the sonographer at 12w) 🙄 thought it was a girl so it was a surprise for all after the anatomy scan. I admit I was worried since our LO1 is a big character and I didn’t know how I would not compare the two, but as it turns out they are so different and the heart is amazing at growing to love them all they are so loving with each other and me too, I def feel very lucky!
    We flirt with the idea of a third because I am a sucker for the dream of a big family, and would LOVE a third boy now! Of course a girl would be amazing too but I shudder at the idea of people thinking/commenting that’s why we are doing it.


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