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@blackbird: this! Hell no!
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My MIL hinted, and my mom came out and asked. Neither of them are very calm people and would just stress me out. Plus my mom's medical problems would prevent her from helping with the physical coping measures of labour, i.e., counter pressure, massage, etc.
Neither of them will be there because I told them that hospital policy limits the number of people, and that it would be just DH in there with me. I also stressed the importance of skin-to-skin and bonding time, and said it would probably be 2 hrs or more before they get to see us, but we'd let them and my dad and FIL know. I don't really care who's at the hospital waiting but told them that they'd probably be more comfortable at our house (it's only 15 mins away). Totally up to them!
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My mom got sick early on in my pregnancy and still isn't back to herself. Otherwise I would have liked her support. For no.2 I'm hoping my sister might be there. My husband and I are pushovers so extra support might be nice.
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My MIL would never ask, and would likely be uncomfortable if I asked her to. My mom would have been perfectly willing if that's what I wanted, but totally understood me not wanting her there (although I had to give it considerable thought before I decided). She was in and out of the room during labor (once I had my epidural), but always left for checks, and then left when it was time to push.
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I'm sure my MIL would have been thrilled to be in the delivery room either time. She is seriously unstable though so, no way. We told her not to even come to the hospital and she came against our wishes.
My mom wanted to be supportive however she could. We planned for her to come when I was in early labor and then leave. I ended up progressing really quickly and we never had her leave. There were so many medical people in the room that she just sort of kept quiet in the background. She was thrilled. When DS was born my mom was at home watching DD.
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I invited them both and I am so glad they were there! They were both so helpful during my labor.
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My mom lives a continent away and my hospital didn't allow visitors, thank goodness.
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I had a home birth and my mom was there, but we sent her away for most of my laboring. I was glad to have that time with just my DH and later also the dula. I needed that privacy to get labor going. She came back for pushing and I hardly knew she was there.
My mom stayed for almost 3 weeks after doing all the cooking and cleaning. She stayed with friends near by (not in oue 1 bedroom with us) and didn't even ask to hold the baby. I gave him to her to told at 3 days old. It was amazing. She was so helpful in just the right way with out imposing at all.
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My MIL mentioned being with me LONG before I even got pregnant, but when I was actually pregnant, she never brought it up, thankfully!
And my mom was WILLING to be there and probably would've liked to be there, but only if I wanted her to. She didn't have her mom with her, so she assumed I wouldn't want her with me!
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Neither asked.
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My mom assumed she would be there, but we shut that down quickly. Her presence in stressful situations stresses me out and I did not need her there. We didn't tell anyone when we were in labor or left for the hospital, and I will do it the same way next time too.
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I wanted my mom in there, but since I had a csec, only DH was allowed in the room. I'm not sure she WANTED to be in there, but she was definitely willing.
As for MIL, she's lucky she was invited to the hospital to see the baby at all.
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I had a really long and boring labor.... My water broke at 5am and I was already at 4cm but i wasnt having contractions. I was on pitocin and my mom came up to the hospital around 2pm. She came up by train from the city so my dad was coming later to drive her home.
I was really happy to have her there. Hubs really didnt know what to do with me, I was uncomfortable but not in pain and he's not chatty. He was relieved once she arrived because he was able to go grab some lunch and ran down to our ob office to drop off some paperwork. My mom is pretty entertaining and can always find things to talk about so it made the time go much faster. Things started to pick up around 6 and they sent my mom to the waiting room while they did the epidural. By the time i was getting ready to push a few hours later my brother and dad arrived so she went out to the waiting room with them while I pushed and delivered with hubs. My family came in the delivery room about an hour after delivery and after LO was bathed and swaddled. It was already after 1am at this point and they stayed until it was time for us to be moved to our room.
I have a really good relationship with my mom and I know that if there was an emergency involving me or the baby she would have wanted to be right there.
My inlaws werent able to see the baby until more than a week after she was born. My niece gave my SIL, BIL, and MIL Hand Foot and Mouth disease. Pediatrician said they couldnt visit until they were clear.
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I didn't want anyone in the room other than DH and the photographer. Neither one asked, but I'm sure they'd both be there if I did ask them to.
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It's so interesting to hear the different perspectives! If my mom or MIL wanted to be there, they kept it to themselves. I would not have wanted an audience.
I had a c-section so it didn't really matter. Although the nurses asked me if I wanted the grandparents to be in the recovery room waiting for me right after surgery - uh, no thanks! Give me like 10 minutes to say hello to this baby and make sure my organs are all where they should be before I have to deal with my in-laws.
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