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For my DH, he wanted us to take a more laid back approach, because of the heavy emotional toll of miscarriage and TTC. I was very wound of up and it was all I thought about, while he wanted us to take a step back and relax, so we wouldn't be miserable each unsuccessful month.

DH was very supportive. He mostly wanted me to grieve if I needed (but he also knew that I could take care of myself). He did what I needed him to do, which was to continue as if nothing changed him.

DH put my mental health above everything else and it meant a lot.

DH was more adamant that I not get caught up in testing and stress over the TWW. He was very interested in the OPKs because he saw a direct correlation of success with the first pregnancy that ended in m/c. Otherwise, he was supportive when I realized I needed a break from TTC.

I think after our losses, my husband started taking things a bit more seriously. We got pregnant easily with LO #1. Literally, it happened the first month we tried and it was a completely stress free and easy pregnancy. When I didn't get pregnant for several months trying for LO #2, I immediately started obsessing over opks, temping, reading TTC books, etc. and my husband thought I'd gone off the deep end. It was literally all consuming. I think my two losses tipped my husband off that I wasn't crazy and that we were up against some more challenging circumstances this time around. After my first loss, we had a heart to heart talk about how difficult the whole thing was for me and how I was worried it would never happen for us. He helped reassure me that we would figure out and move forward with fertility treatment or adoption if we needed to. He started helping me research fertility clinics, etc. Honestly, after that, I felt less alone and more of team. I got pregnant naturally and am currently 11 weeks. I'm dealing with all of the genetic screenings now so I'm not out of the woods yet but I do feel confident that we'll figure this out one way or another.

DH was honestly scared to death about sex after our losses (especially the second). It was becoming really clear that sex leads to babies, but for us, those babies die and I grieve and so it really colored his perspective for a while.

Since our last loss, I started charting using the Creighton model so that I can work with a NaPro doctor to try to figure out the underlying causes of our IF and losses. He is fully on board with that because it's not just about making a baby, but it's about getting my body to regulate so that I can be healthier. An outcome of the method working could very well be that I get pregnant and have a baby, but our number one priority is to help my body return to some sort of normal (my hormones are completely out of whack).

Sex is a lot more stressful for him now than it's ever been because I think the prospect of a baby is much more real now that I'm taking medications to try to make it so. While I charted before, It wasn't something we really talked about on a daily basis. With Creighton, it's easier for him to see my charts and he knows very easily that white baby stickers = fertile.

I'm so sorry for your loss. After mine DH became more involved somewhat. We got pregnant very easily every time, but he was more aware of things. But he knew when I was testing and that sort of thing, which he didn't before. I think he was aware I'd be having major anxiety so he wanted to make sure he was aware of what was going on. ETA- He's mostly much more aware of how pregnancy works, rather than ttc. He gets irritated at tv shows now that show totally ridiculous ultrasounds (like seeing a full formed baby at 6 weeks), which is kind of cute.

@nana87: I think I reacted very similarly to what you described after our first loss.

DH never talked about it, so I didn't feel like I could open up about it either. Once we finally did start hashing stuff out when I completely lost it one day, he said he didn't talk about it because he didn't want to make me sad. And he thought if I brought it up, I'd be sad. He's very old fashioned in that he feels it's his job as a man to be supportive and not emotional, and in his head, that's what he was doing.

He had NO idea that by doing that, he was (inadvertently) making me feel worse. I felt like nothing bothered him because he never brought it up.

Now we've gotten to a point where I can say "I'm in a funk" and it's up to me if I want to elaborate or not, but at least then he can understand that I'm an emotional place and might need to be handled with care. He still doesn't really open up about his feelings regularly, but at least I know he has some feelings.

@nana87: so sorry for your loss I feel you on the pain of ttc after such heartbreak. My DH was always pretty involved but afterwards became more involved in the emotional aspects of it if that makes sense. He knew that ttc was making me crazy when it didn't work out the first few months after our MC...and he basically just supported me in my choice to pause trying. We are starting again next month after our bodies have detoxed and my heart is ready...and he's been along with me on my whole mental/emotional journey which has been crucial. It's definitely less - lets just try!!! Cos even though I'm not presumptuous enough to assume I'll get knocked up straight away but even the idea needs a serious consideration now, knowing how invested I get. Lots of hugs to you