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I feel for you both! Same situation here. DH has been at his job for 8 years with hopes of being promoted. Two years ago, new management came in and things went downhill. Nothing's done well any more, they're only concerned with stuffing their pockets, and it's just a really unhealthy atmosphere. No one gets promoted unless they're good at kissing up. Two of the senior directors from the old guard have died suddenly this year... heart disease, stroke, and I'm sure the stress. DH sends resume after resume but no results. I've been begging him to just quit, even if we'll be screwed financially. It's hard to be supportive when I'd rather be cutting my hours to be home with our kid more, but anything is better than being that unhappy in your job.

As far as helping... I mostly proofread the resumes. I wrote to every one of my Facebook connections who work in the same field, but only a couple responded, and no one could help.

Not in terms of career choice exactly, but DH got to a point where he was pretty fed up with the job/place he had worked for 6 years and wanted out. There wasn't much else on offer that he was tempted by...except he had this idea of starting his own consultancy business in the same field. Anyway, it was literally the point we were starting TTC and I was planning to SAH with LO so it wasn't the best time to take risks, but I trusted him and let him run with it...we've had some tough times in the last year or two but things are on the most part going really well. It sucks when they're going through it but I think what I learnt was just how to be supportive and encouraging.

@Greentea: I don't know that DH struggled with his career in terms of changing career tracks, but he got out of law school during a rough time in the economy. It took 18 months for him to find a job and we got married while he was unemployed and I was studying for the Bar Exam. We were brookkke.

After 18 months he finally got a job, but it wasn't an attorney gig and it was a 2 hour commute each way. He did that for another 20 months before switching to teaching undergraduate law courses, which is a lot more relevant. During the time he was in his non-attorney job, he started his own private law practice out of his home office. We did it on a shoestring budget, and after 3 years, he makes more money doing the law practice than his day job, but he has the stability of retirement and health care benefits that teaching gives him. Plus he likes it.

In the midst of all this, I never worried about his career. He was stressed out, but I never lost faith in him and knew we'd be just fine in the long run. The reason I never felt worried is because he took (and takes) his responsibility to support our family extremely seriously and to be honest, he puts my happiness ahead of his own when he comes up with ideas. That gives me a lot of peace of mind when he comes up with a plan and it makes me want to advocate for HIM more when we discuss a plan of action. And we never do anything until we mutually 100% agree on a course of action. Then there's no resentment in the future.

I think if he wants to change careers or do something that could potentially insert some instability into your life, he really needs to earn your support by showing you that he's being intentional and thoughtful about these decisions and how they may affect you and your family in both the short and long term. I think if he did that, it would go a long way in making you feel more supportive of whatever change that might be. If you're feeling frustrated that he doesn't know what he wants to do, I think it just means he needs more time to figure out his options.

Dh actually struggled in college but not in the working world. He's book smart but was unmotivated. Now that he's in his field he sees concrete results and he's good at what he does.

I, on the other hand, have a degree and a half I don't use, and am planning on switching AGAIN. (eta- I don't need an additional degree, but I will need some training.) Not because I don't like what I studied in school, but because I am trying to get more nontraditional hours as I think it will benefit our family. Plus, I've worked. albeit in an entry level pt position, in the field I want to go into, and I grew up "around " it. (My parents both work in that field and had we moved a couple months ago as planned I had a job to go to as well, but now I'll have to find another here which could be difficult.) Dh is totally supportive of this, probably because it comes with more knowledge about the field and about our lifestyles. He genuinely wants me to be happy, but I also know that in the long run once we have older (school age) kids, I need to make a financial/career contribution for the health of our relationship as well.

Oh yes. My dh has two bachelor's degrees but neither were really getting him where he wanted to be. He was in the manufacturing industry for 6 years before we moved cities for my job. I make a lot more than he does and my job was tanking so we had to move. He had a horrible time trying to find anyone to hire him in any field. He found something after applying for 9 months but it was 3rd shift and manufacturing which he hates.

He took it because I was extremely stressed being the sole provider but he was miserable. He finally just got hired in a field he is excited about in april, but he took a pay cut and we are definitely feeling the effects. It really sucks but he's much happier so it is worth it. I just hope he can finally move up the ladder and make a career. He's been at entry level pay for 8 years and it is lame

DH figured out what path he wanted to take about 4 years ago and after schooling and entry level work, he's finally applying to his dream job. his career path (fire) takes a LONG time and he had a great opportunity landed and then because it's a government position, it was taken away about 2 months before it was supposed to start.

it's super hard because i'm definitely type A when it comes to work/school etc and i've realized i need to step back and let him do it. because he does a good job, but just doesn't do it the way i would. i supported him by working a day job that i was totally over when i was pregnant while he did school out of town, and then working and taking care of our baby while he did another short term program and was gone 12 hours a day.

the important thing to me is that he's working his butt off for this and he REALLY wants it. the other important part is that this job SO suits him and i can't imagine him doing anything else.

it would be very hard for me to support DH if he was ambivalent about the job change or wasn't sure. i would want him to have something else going and then work toward the new career part time until he was sure.

Luckily DH has always known what he wanted to do and he's happy doing it.

I'm the one struggling. I have a degree that I don't even know if I want to use and have no clue what I want to do when I'm no longer a SAHM.

I'm glad to hear your experiences with career change... DH is looking at switching fields too. He has a part time teaching gig and it's one of the things he's super good at. The thing is, to become a teacher full time he has to start at square one, take an entry-level job with a big pay cut. He says that he worked too hard to get where he is, and keeps plugging away sending resumes in his field even though it's clearly a dead end I think it's partly a man self-esteem thing, not just a financial issue... I'm still struggling to convince him that his health and peace of mind are worth more...

Mine didn't. He's had the same job since I met him and he likes it/plans to stay in the same field.

Me on the other hand? Total struggle. I often joke that I sort of duped my husband because when he met me I was a second year law student and it seemed as though I'd just get a normal law firm job and be a successful/well-paid lawyer forever. But then I did get a law job and hated it. And realized I'd really rather be a photographer. Which sucks for a lot of reasons-- not the least of which is my massive student loans. And then I lost my law job anyways (firm closed) and I've not yet found another one so I'm sort of an unintentional SAHM at the moment... who needs to find another law job because we need a steady income, but would really rather just do photography (but I haven't booked enough to do that).

I think it stresses my husband out a little bit that my career future is so uncertain. We both really value financial security, and while he makes good money he doesn't make SO much money that I can just not worry about bringing in an income while I figure myself out.

What works for him/us is just being supportive but practical. He's made it clear (and I agree) that we need to be financially smart and he would not really be okay with me quitting law and not making any money doing photography for an undefined period of time, trying to become profitable. But at the same time, he's supportive of me pursuing that as much as I'm able to while still doing law. Also, that I don't need to make AS much as I was before, just enough to meet our financial goals.

Basically I think that he's as supportive as he can possibly be of me trying to change paths... while still being practical about our finances and obligations.

I need to re-read this thread when I have more time, but I wanted to chime in with a resounding YES. My DH went back to school to be a teacher, and he recently graduated and is now on the job market. He is an *excellent* teacher but is super nervous to put himself on the market. It is a struggle that we are still working through. Hugs! It is hard to see someone you love struggle.