So I'm currently 31 weeks along and I have a DS that is 2.5 years old. His room is upstairs and it's getting harder and harder to get up there to do bed time routine. So I've enlisted the help of my aunt one night a week. My DH is gone 3-4 nights a week. So I'm typically okay the first 2 nights while he is gone but by the end of his trip I'm exhausted!
If you have or had help, what types of things did they help you with?
My aunt is an awesome cook. So I thinking I can have her take care of dinner while I can play with my DS for a bit. Then have her help him upstairs and do his bed-time routine. I'm just afraid I'm going to feel like I have to get up and do something instead of just relaxing.
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The tub is the hardest for me now. I'm 39 weeks and have to sit next to it to lift her in and out and dry her off on my lap, then hold her hand and walk her to her room. I can't just pick her up and carry her into the bedroom. Getting her in the crib requires maneuvering, too. But it's still do-able. Just awkward. I don't have help when DH travels but I've skipped bath night
and ordered in. And declared it tv night or run through the hose night to make it easier on myself!
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My mom helped me when I was pregnant with my second and still does now when DH is on nights. She started coming towards the end when I really couldn't lift him out of the tub, etc. he was only 18-19 months at the time. I did what I could and accepted the help!
Then when the baby was born, she helped with either. Now DS2 is almost one so I can really do it all alone, but the company is nice. Plus she feels better that we aren't alone at night. In the early days, she was a lifesaver. Plus it was nice to have someone else try and comfort the baby if I got really stressed out from lack of sleep, etc. and needed a break. -
I'm in NYC and it is extremely common to get a night nurse / baby nurse. OR a post-partum doula (which I'm sure would also help out towards the end of pregnancy).
After a month of sleep deprivation and PPD my husband insisted that we hire someone to help at night and it might have saved my life. And I only had one baby! If we ever have another I will probably enlist her before the 2nd is born.
She helped with bedtime routine and did all of the night time wakeups. Typically she was with us from about 6pm to 7am.
She also did all kinds of baby chores - washed bottles and pump parts, did laundry or even just folded mine if she saw it in a basket. I'm quite sure she would have done more if I asked, I just never did.
The post-partum doula is sort of like a moms helper who also happens to know lactation consulting and mine fortunately also knew massage
she would literally do anything including running to the grocery store or rubbing my feet while I pumped.
I know this sounds super luxurious, but it really is very very common in NYC. Few people bat an eye when I say I had this.
It's amazing that you have a family member who is willing to help with bedtime and cooking! For me folding laundry is the most annoying part of laundry so I would ask if she minded doing that. -
@blackbird: bath time is still easy right now. Especially bc I have a garden tub with raised sections to lay your arms on. So I've taught him how to stand on those like a step which has helped to lift him out of the tub. I let him ride his bike in the house now because going outside in the Texas heat isn't happening! LOL
@Mamasig: Thank you for sharing. I was thinking I'm being a big baby about needing help!
@SweetiePie: This is something that is catching on here in Houston but mostly in the upper class sections. So what you're describing isn't foreign to me. But when this middle-class gal starts talking about it people give me weird looks and guilt trips that they've done it all by themselves -
@turkeylurkey: I hear you! I am from a small Midwest town and I get the craziest looks when I tell them. I'm even embarrassed! Even from my mom and sister. I've definitely felt guilt about it too. My husband wanted to do it from day 1 but I resisted because I had the "I can do it by myself, my mom and sister did" mentality. I don't know if I'm weaker. Or that PPD did me in. Or that it was just too irresistible to get a full night of sleep once all was said and done. But I finally caved. I still feel pangs of guilt. But it was SO wonderful that I will definitely do it again.
Don't let anyone else's opinion matter too much. Do what is right for you. I truly don't think that having someone come 2-3 nights a week to help for a few hours, ESPECIALLY since your husband is gone a lot, is crazy. Yes, plenty of women do it all the time. But if it's something that will help you, who cares?
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@turkeylurkey: I used to feel very guilty about my mom helping me. I thought it meant that I was less of a mom or couldn't handle my kids. But then one day I realized my grandmother and aunt were always around when I was a child and helped my mom. It takes a village, right?
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@SweetiePie: @Mamasig: Thanks! You guys are right! I was just feeling really guilty yesterday. My aunt came last night and it was nice to have the extra set of hands to pick-up from dinner and be in the room with him playing while I did a few things. I think as he gets used to her being there she will be able to help more with bedtime routine.
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@Mamasig: @turkeylurkey: You both must read this! http://www.thedailybeast.com/witw/articles/2013/08/15/america-s-postpartum-practices.html
It talks about help post partum and where the term "it takes a village" actually came from. But I still think it's relevant to you, @turkeylurkey. -
My mom stayed with us for 2 months while my dad and MIL stayed with us for 2 weeks. They all took care of different things, but I still had night duty. Plus, I don't want to put that on them. They're older and have their own jobs to worry about.
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@SweetiePie: Yes!!! My mom is from Central America and said that after she had my sister she didn't do anything but rest for a month. We need to be kinder to ourselves and accept or get the help we need without guilt.
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@SweetiePie: That article is right on!
and ordered in. And declared it tv night or run through the hose night to make it easier on myself!
she would literally do anything including running to the grocery store or rubbing my feet while I pumped.Reply
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