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I think judgement (and disagreement) are just a part of human nature but it's possible to disagree and make a judgement without being an arsehole about it!
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I think of disagreeing as just being different. I think judgement is when you apply a negative causational value to that difference. For our son we chose to sleeptrain with full on extinction CIO and he's super scheduled. But I have zero problem with families that choose otherwise and I tell people all the time that you do what works for your marriage and your child and I mean it. Because every child and every family is different and I'm not in your shoes and you aren't in mine. That's disagreeing or having differences. When I see a mom endanger a child in some way, that's beyond disagreeing - I'm probably judging you by placing a negative value on you for that different decision. You left your child unattended next to a busy intersection isn't just a different parenting choice - it's a decision that makes me think of you negatively because you are endangering kid.
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I think it's the same thing. Surely, if you actively disagree with something then you would judge someone who did it. Like CIO - I personally don't disagree with it but if I did I would surely judge someone who left their baby crying.
Some things were not for our family - like using cloth nappies or baby-led weaning - but I wouldn't say I disagree with them, they're just not for us. I wouldn't judge someone who did them because I don't think they're "wrong".
But some things I do disagree with - like bed sharing with a young baby (without an arms length co-sleeper). I actively disagree with that and, while I'd never be an arse about it, I might secretly judge somebody who did it. And FFing at 1 year - that's something I did that people really disagree with and I expect to be judged for it.
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42 comments