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It depends on whether or not it's someone I need to maintain a working relationship with. For the most part, I'm pretty nonconfrontational. But if I have a big issue with someone who I have to work with/be around regularly, I'll try to address it and clear the air.

For me, it very much depends who they are and what the problems are!!

If it's someone I need to work with or co-exist very closely with and the problem is very specific (and clearly wrong) for example they come back from their lunch break late every day so I have to cut mine short - yes, I will speak to them about it.

If, however, the issue is a bit more subjective and it's not a constant, daily problem - no I don't. For example, we have a family member who is oversensitive and often rude and basically causes drama every time we see her. But we don't have to see her that often so I let it go. Besides, how do you raise something so subjective with someone?!

same as the others. it depends on who it is and what the problem is.

I do, but I don't do it formally. I will do it RIGHT THEN and there. Meaning: I'm not going to pull you to the side and ask what the deal is. I will just immediately ask you what's up your ass next time you say something rude to me. Like immediately be like, "ok that was unreasonable. Why are you acting like that?"
I feel like if you catch them right there, they can't bullshit you and you've given them an example of their actions. Plus---I wouldn't give someone who doesn't like me, the satisfaction of me taking time out of my life to approach them with this issue.

I've had several confrontations with coworkers, I don't accept lies and being thrown under the bus for things I didn't do, so I speak up about it. I also don't accept non action when I've delegated something, so if you're not doing something, you're going to get called out.

It's the nature of the beast though, at least at work. On a personal level, I am much more forgiving.

@CupQuakeWalk: this this this. My favorite line is, "what did you mean by that?" because it calls them out on being a jerk while staying calm. It really makes the person think about what they've just said.

I'm assertive and confrontational, though I think both words get a bad rap & have negative connotations. I don't let people walk all over me, I know that I am responsible for my actions and not responsible for someone else's reaction, but it doesn't give me the right to be a bitch -- so when I confront someone, it's done calmly and is well thought-out.

This is a hard one. I'm pretty good at being able to tell if someone just doesn't like me for reasons beyond my control, or if there's an actual problem causing the tension. If there's an actual problem I'll almost always address it, especially if it's a co-worker I interact with a lot. Better to just clear the air and find out what I can do so that we work together more smoothly and effectively.

But if it's someone that just doesn't like me, that's tough. I had that situation once with someone I shared a lot of mutual friends with, I swear every time I talked or walked into the room or even breathed she would be rolling her eyes. I just figured it was her problem and ignored it. Eventually she said something really nasty and mean in front of all of our friends - basically told me that there was nothing I could do about it, but everything from my face to my voice annoyed her! And after that I didn't have to deal with her, because our mutual friends dropped her!

It's much harder with a co-worker though, especially one you have to interact with a lot. If they're just a jerk or I don't feel like talking about it wold do anything but make things more tense, I'll ignore it - I was pretty good friends with my boss, so I'd possibly ask him for advice. But if there's any hope of making things better so you can work together more pleasantly and effectively, nervous as I'd be about it, I would speak up.

ETA: Not saying I would just let the jerks walk all over me and not speak up! But I'm not going to approach it like, "Hey I feel like we're not communicating as well as we could be, and I want us to work together as well as we can. Is there something I'm doing that's bothering you, or a way I could approach X differently? What works best for you?" I've had that discussion once, and it worked so well! But it's not going to work with an unreasonable jerk!

@Mrs. Jump Rope: I love that saying, and use it frequently! They usually start back peddling in a heartbeat.

Nope, unless it's like crazy!

It depends. I always feel conflicted because I can be kind to a fault, but I can also be confrontational to a fault.

sometimes... i guess it more so depends on the person. I would totally call out my friends/ family. Other people- probably not as much!!

@Adira: I learned a lot about confrontation in college, and from one of my friends who confronted EVERYTHING. We both learned a lot from each other - she learned to be more gentle, and I learned to be more bold.

Most of my "confrontations" (this word sounds so attacking, but I don't think confrontations have to be attacking or aggressive at all! You can be both honest and kind in the process too) usually end up well. I think confrontations can be respectful if both parties are civil and mature about it!

In the end though, I just tell myself that I can only control my actions and words, and however the other person responds is out of my control. At least I can have peace knowing that I did what I could, within my power.

Eta: I only confront things that are personally affecting me... if it's just something I don't agree with but doesn't impact me I just keep my nose out of someone else's business!

It's better to confront it head-on than to let it fester.

It's important when confronting someone to be very careful about the language and tone you use. Use non-confrontational language and the same "I feel ____ when you do ___" statements that everyone recommends you use when raising an issue with a spouse

A really good book that covers this, as well as several other components of leadership effectiveness is called Leader Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon.

@Adira: hahha aww you're so sweet!

Oh I could never say anything at the heat of the moment either. I'm the type of person who always walks away thinking, "I wish I said this!"... or "I should've said that!". I am usually paralyzed "in the moment" and need time to process things after the fact (introvert here!!). It is harder to bring things up after time has passed, but if it continues to nag and eat away at you, then I encourage you to pull that person aside and say, "Hey, when you have a moment can we talk?"... and go from there. Take it one confrontation at a time, and one day it will become easier. It takes practice! When I first started to force myself to confront issues, I would jot down notes on paper of all the things I wanted to bring up, then practice how to approach it before bringing it up to the person. It really worked for me. I still do this when I want to bring up topics to my managers that aren't easy like pay raises, promotions, and even maternity leave!

I hope you're able to find the courage to talk out whatever is eating away at you, and that with it comes some resolution, peace, and mutual understanding!

@heartonastring: Yes to this >> "I feel ____ when you do ___" !!

Sometimes, it depends on my mood. In my personal life I usually let it go, but with some recent events that have transpired I've become more aggressive and confrontational (not in a good way either).
My current and ongoing beef is with my Husband's ex-wife and I will be confronting her very soon.

I've had to learn through my adulthood to not be scared of confrontation. The 'festering' approach is so much more toxic because 1) it makes you upset for an indefinite period of time and 2) it doesn't solve any problems, just usually makes them worse. Yes, confrontation is super uncomfortable in the moment, but 99% of the time the result is worth it, you feel better/more empowered about your ability to take action, you get it off your chest, and the situation is as resolved as possible. It's SUPER IMPORTANT to be mindful of how you approach situations and how you react to people's reactions (ie don't escalate things, stay calm, keep your message simple) but it's a really important skill to have.

@Adira: Frankly I think your husband should be tackling confrontations with your in-laws, when possible..

Honestly I don't think I have confronted anyone ever, besides my parents and Dh!