Nothing illegal or anything like that, just something that puts them completely out of their element and possibly in a totally uncomfortable spot?
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Yup. When I was maybe two weeks postpartum DD and I got thrush. I sent him to the pharmacy to buy yeast infection cream and nipple ointment.
And the poor guy did and brought chocolate home too.
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When I was living abroad, this happened regularly because I wans't conversant in the local language. So, my husband has made a lot of interesting phone calls on my behalf.
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He's bought me tampons before. He always comes back with a bunch of other stuff because he doesn't want to just buy the tampons.
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@mrsbookworm: same!
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Not really - My DH is not embarrassed by anything - I cant think of anything that he would feel uncomfortable with!
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yup. On a fairly regular basis. He can be weirdly shy at times---like, he does daycare drop off and he HATES telling the teachers something even slightly out of the norm. Which is crazy to me.
Like, if LO refuses her morning bottle I'll say, "Okay, make sure her daycare teachers know she didn't eat yet and will need to eat right away". And he's like..."oh, can you call and tell them that? I'll forget". This guy has a PERFECT memory--it isn't that he'll forget, he just hates talking to them for some reason--it's so weird. Like, I'm not asking him to confront them about something, just communicate with them like a normal human being.
Also, he's less social than me (which is SO wierd because he has no problem talking to his existing friends--he just has a problem making new ones), but I schedule social events anyway (I mean, occasionally, like once a month) and expect him to attend and have fun. He DOES usually enjoy himself after the fact, but his first response to me planning something with other couple/baby friends is "Do I have to go?" YES, you have to go, and you have to talk, and you have to be pleasant.
This makes him sounds like an ass, but he's not at all---he's just shy. His guy friends at our wedding wrote the best speeches, all waxing poetic about what a great and loyal friend DH is--everyone in the audience was crying. So he's a great friend once he is your friend. But getting him to be your friend--man! it takes work.
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Yes--call his mother
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I had him buy me pads post partum. He called me from the store and I had to talk him through what to purchase because there were so many options.
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@Anagram: I'm just like your DH
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There isn't much that phases DH but I think asking him to buy stool softener after my C-section may have put him a bit out of his element.
@Lawbee11: YES! Anything involving his mother makes him highly uncomfortable.
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@lawbee11: this made me lol. we've had that conversation many a time.
@Anagram: My dh is exactly the same. He doesn't call it shy so much as social anxiety. He hates interacting with people he doesn't know. Like making eye contact with a waiter is hard for him! He's actually super outgoing with people he's comfortable with, but having to deal with strangers is a huuuuuuge deal to him. sorta drives me nuts. So, yea. I do make him do stuff he's uncomfortable with sometimes because that is basically any interaction with people... lol. But he is getting a little better! He knows it's important to me that he tries harder in this respect so he does.
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@tinyperson: haha. Does your husband "make" you do social things?
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@Mae: I don't think DH's is social anxiety...or if it is, it's selective social anxiety. Like, he has no issues calling random people from craigslist to buy and sell cars, and he takes headhunter calls all the time just to keep tabs on offering salaries for other jobs.
But he has some kind of mental block about communicating with the daycare teachers (about, literally anything. Like yesterday I asked him to take a frozen bag of bm for emergencies because LO has been refusing her second bottle, so they toss is after a few tries and then she's starving when i pick her up. And he was like...can't you just take it later? I want to throttle him sometimes--like, what is SO HARD about handing over a bag of frozen milk and saying the four workds, "This is for emergencies"."
Also, his first reaction to hanging out with other people (unless they are his friends) is negative. Even if he likes the people.
I don't know...maybe it IS a weird form of social anxiety?
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@Anagram: not sure if this is the case with your hubby but mine is an introvert. Like all those introvert "tests" and posts that swirled around in the past couple of months? He was spot on for all of them. So, uncomfortable things for him are social engagements where he doesn't know anyone. But he's fine with friends he has now. Sounds like your husband a little bit!
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@mediagirl: @Anagram: My husband sounds like y'alls. He's a big ole introvert. He's great with small groups of people he's close to, but absolutely hates to meet people and hates to talk to the daycare ladies!
I also make him travel, which is outside his comfort zone. He'd never been on a plane before when I met him, and now I've yanked him around the country. He loves it once we get there, but refuses to think about it/plan anything with me lol.
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@Anagram: the daycare thing certainly sounds like it! That sounds just like my husband. But his is also somewhat selective. Like he's great at work. He has no problem with job interviews or presenting things at meetings or giving a presentation for his MBA program. But I think that is because he feels like he knows what he is doing there? Like when he's being a professional he feels comfortable in that role. But when it comes to outside social interactions he HAAAATES them and feels awkward. And despises small talk. Like he will not buy more than 12 items at the grocery store because he doesn't want to have to go to a real cashier rather than uscan because he finds having to deal with the cashier too painful. ???????????????????????? lol I'm like you have no issue chatting with the CEO of your company but the cashier freaks you out?!
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@lawbee11: +1
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@petunia354: @Mae: @Applesandbananas: Now that we have a LO I mostly guilt trip him and say how sad it would make me if LO never calls me when she's older. Before we knew we were having a girl I made him promise he'd call his mom more if we had a boy because I didn't want our son to think that it's normal to never talk to your mom (I call/text my mom almost every day!).
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@Anagram: I'm like your hubby. Horrible at socializing at new events and networking, but with existing friends - I'm all there! lol
DH doesn't seem to mind anything in particular, but like @mrsjyw: @mrsbookworm:, if I ask him to buy me personal hygiene things, he'll probably bring home additional things to cover it up during checkout.
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@Anagram: No, not really - we're both homebodies. But I hate making phone calls or talking to people I don't know - even the daycare teachers (he does most of the pickups/dropoffs so I feel out of place and like I don't know how things work if I have to talk to them!)
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@lawbee11: ugh we had this exact discussion last night. I am hoping my husband changes his mind a bit as our daughter gets older. My husband basically resents all family obligation. (this convo was spurned by his annoyance at our discussion of trying to figure out what to get his step mom for mothers day). and he started going off about how he's going to tell our daughter that she doesn't need to buy him fathers day gifts or call him on fathers day because he never wants her to feel that annoying obligation like he does. And I'm like-- YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING lol.
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after my postpartum recovery with S, I don't think there's anything left to be awkward to ask for, lol.
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DH HATES talking to people he doesn't know. He is so thankful that you can order food online at a lot of places b/c he won't call. And when anyone comes to the door, he runs into the other room so that I have to answer it. Even when it's the delivery guy that he knows is coming. It drives me up the wall that he is ok letting people at the door think that I'm home alone.
So, yes, I often try to get him to do these things to try to make him more comfortable with it. It's not working.
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Nothing can really make DH feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
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@lawbee11: I have to tell DH to call his Dad all the time too. I told him it was his job to tell him that we weren't coming down Christmas day but the day after. DH tells me on Christmas Eve (at my huge family gathering) that his Dad just texted him Merry Christmas Eve and can't wait to see yall tomorrow. URG!!!! I feel like they think it is my fault.
I at least text his StepMom pics of R, or they would never get any. -
I don't think there is much that Wagon Sr. is completely uncomfortable with. Maybe some big life decisions like spending a huge amount of money, but I'd never force him to do it without him being completely on board. Things like another child or pet... I feel like he'd be more comfortable than me with those kinds of decisions!
But if there were something that needed to be done that he was completely uncomfortable doing, I wouldn't ask him to do it. I'd just do it myself or hire someone.
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