I thought Mrs. Jump Rope's post today about feel resentment was interesting!
http://www.hellobee.com/2013/01/11/resentment-and-jealousy/
And thought we should do a little poll so people can chime in anonymously. 
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Sometimes, but only when he's able to go and do things away from the house that I wouldn't be able to do at this point since I'm breastfeeding. He went out of town, hunting with some friends, this past weekend and I resented him a bit for that. Even though I gave him permission to go and would freak out leaving E for a night, I was still upset. Completely irrational, I know.
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Yep.
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Sometimes when he can go out and do things with his friends late at night. Not that I really would want to anyway, but not even having the option makes me resent him sometimes.
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@Crumbs: exactly.
There have been weekends where DH works a lot and has extracurricular activities planned and I've referred to myself as a single mother. He hates when I say that but those weekends it certainly feels that way!
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Yea mostly during recovery pp though. I was in so much pain and then it was so painful breastfeeding at first.
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Yes. Since LO was born I always eat last. She took a bottle, and then she was on solids and now she eats what we eat but we (I) still have to cut her food. We never talked about it, it was just assumed since I'm the mommy I feed her and get her food ready. It really doesn't bother me enough to say anything, and if he asked I would say don't worry about it I'll do it. I think I just don't like that it's assumed that I'll do it. Why doesn't he think I'm hungry too?
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I voted 'never' but I'd like to add to that. When I first had the baby, I was jealous because he seemed to have all of this freedom. Now I realize, he doesn't really have that much freedom. He cleans the kitchen, my pump parts, the bottles and makes sure things are tidy. He never really went out much before baby and doesn't go out now (without me). I have the boobs but, in the middle of the night, he will go get the baby for me and bring her to me. Or ask if I want him to. If I didn't want to breastfeed, I know he would get up with her and do her bottles. I do a lot more with the baby than he does but, that is my choice. If I want him to put her down for a nap, he will. If I want him to watch her while I go out to the store or to see a friend, he will.
If he went out more or did more extracurricular activities, I think I would resent him. As it is, I don't. I think he's wonderful.
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@artbee: I've been given the impression that mothers have been eating last for generations. I've had multiple moms, grandmothers, and great grandmothers comment about it. It's really unfair.
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Sure, he gets to sleep all night while I am up. I am only really jealous of sleep, though. He works really long hours and doesn't have time for fun either.
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I'm jealous of the sleep thing, but also work. I really enjoy my job and will go back in a few weeks, but I miss the adult interaction that he gets while I chill with LO.
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Not really...DH is super supportive and any time I find myself feeling resentful, I realize that I only have myself to blame--he will always help out if I ask (and I never ask, so it's really my fault if I'm tired/overwhelmed, etc.). I have a bit of a mommy martyr thing going on that I'm trying to work through. Not to mention, he works hard every day so that I can stay home with LO, and he has never ever made me feel at all guilty about me not working. He is really the best.
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@mediagirl: Can your DH come train mine??? I wish he would clean the kitchen/pump parts/ANYTHING. When he does clean something it's because I've asked him too.
Yes, I get resentful sometimes. He gets a half an hour drive--each way--to work to be completely alone. He gets to eat uninterrupted and talk to adults. He can go out after work and hang out with his co-workers. He can--and does--sleep through the baby crying at night. My entire existence is wrapped up around our baby right now, and his isn't, and that's hard sometimes.
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Occasionally. He's super supportive and helpful. And he doesn't "go out" and all of that. I do get resentful of the fact that he gets to have adult conversations all day and a commute where he gets some alone time.
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@Crumbs: Bahaha! Love this. I get so angry at him sometimes when dealing with baby and looking over at him sleeping soundly. Not that he doesn't do his part, but he certainly can't BF. Don't get me wrong. I am lucky and my DH is awesome at helping out...its just when i'm tired and cranky, i am jealous when he is sleeping soundly
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I voted never but LO is only 3.5 months so there's still time! So far though, my husband has been an incredibly attentive father. He looooves spending time with our son and basically takes him as soon as he gets home, bathes him, does skin-on-skin time (where they look in the mirror and dance around cheek-to-cheek while my husband says, "Who are those handsome boys?" over and over again) and puts him to sleep. He plays guitar for him, does dishes, does one night feeding each night, cleans the apartment, does laundry, etc., and watches him once a week while I have "me time" with friends or by myself. He's going to some concerts and hanging out with friends in the next few weeks but I'd say we get about equal time to do things like that. Hopefully this continues as LO gets older and/or we add another one to the mix! I imagine it's harder when they're mobile and stay awake longer than 2 hours at a time.
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@Crumbs: exactly.
I can't discredit him because he would help if I asked but seeing as how I have the boobs I have to wake up anyway... so I say it's not fair to feel resent when I see his sleeping frame when I get up at 3am... buttttt I do... sometimes.
He's started getting up with him sometimes so I can sleep in and that's helped a lot.
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In the beginning I felt it more, but now at 8 months it comes and goes. Some days he will wake up and say "wow the baby slept well last night" and it makes me really angry because in actual fact the baby woke up a zillion times that night but he slept through it
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Sometimes... But not often. And like Hilsy I have a total mommy martyr thing going on so that's my issue to deal with.
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@hilsy85: This answer. Exactly!!!
Sometimes I start feeling overwhelmed and I take it out on DH but I've been trying really hard lately to stop when I get to that point and ask him for help. 10 times out of 10 he's totally okay with helping me... Even glad to. I just let myself get too frustrated without thinking about asking.
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All the time.
I wish I could stop feeling this way, but it's hard.My husband has a lot of problems... physical (major sleep issues, stomach problems) and mental health (depression/anxiety) and he has felt really bad the past 9 or 10 months. So basically he just sleeps in the basement so the baby doesn't wake him up and when he comes home from work, he crashes in front of the tv. He'll sometimes hold the baby and change her if I ask him to, but I have to ask. He doesn't help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, paying bills, etc. I ask for help all the time but he says no, he can't (i.e., he doesn't have the energy). On the weekends, he goes to the gym and does whatever else he wants without asking if I need help. We both wanted to have a baby, but I feel like she is 100% my responsibility.
I AM, however, grateful that he works hard during the week and makes a good income. It's awful to say, but I feel like that's the one thing that seperates me from being a single mom.
I really need him to start feeling better though soon because I'm tired of doing everything myself and I hate feeling resentment towards him. I'm afraid it's going to get worse when I go back to work in a few weeks.
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@78H20: I'm so sorry hun. (((hugs))) Have you considered talking to anyone just to vent your frustrations and to help with your transition back to work?
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@MsLipGloss: Thank you! I appreciate the hug - I totally need it. I am going to see a counselor tomorrow. Hopefully that will help. Also, I'm going to ask her if she can recommend a marriage counselor as well.
@Mrsbells: lol, that's kinda funny, but ugh... SO annoying!
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@hilsy85: @Running Elley: bingo!
The times I've felt resentment are the time I haven't asked DH for help; if I asked he'd gladly do whatever he could to fix the problem. For example, I'll call him & be like " LO is fussing & not letting me cook!!" & he'll just be like "I'm bringing dinner home-relax". I try to do too much sometimes & that's always been my own issue. But I just want to show DH that I appreciate all his hard work, at work:)
I wish I could stop feeling this way, but it's hard.Reply
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