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@MrsMccarthy: Our first two cycles TTC were a complete bust. I know DH was sick one time, I don't remember what happened the other. Well, this cycle, #11 and 14ish months later, DH was also sick but, ya know what, we made do and BDed anyways. I'm not about to let that time pass! We typically start EOD a week before O, do a couple days in a row (4-5) around O, then EOD once or twice after. It may only take one time for some people but I'm making sure that there are lots of times for this to work for us!

Just for kicks, I just went into FF and looked at my charts for our first few months TTC DD. Our timing *sucked* until about 9-10 months in. Wow. Not that it would have made any difference (we found out during cycle 10 that I had two blocked tubes), but I feel like such a dork for how little I knew then.

Honestly no, we got our BFP after 8' months ttc and I can truly say I'm so proud of those who manage to keep trying after that long and especially those who are now counting in years.
BDing was starting to get routine and become a chore and tear DH and I apart rather than being us closer, it was so stressful. I would be super happy for anyone who had managed to BD twice a month that had been trying for years.
Great question though, totally know you didn't meantime offend anyone. Everyone's ttc journey is different, some are positive and some very negative. I guess we just learn from and lean on each other.

I think there's a lot of factors--privacy (I didn't care, because there really wasn't much that was TMI for me when TTC--I mean really, I talk about my cervical mucus!) but I completely understand someone not wanting to be as open about it with virtual strangers.

But that aside, there were definitely months, especially as it took longer and longer, when it really felt like a chore. Maybe other couples can still muster up the will to get it done frequently when it feels like a chore, but some months it was really hard for us to do that. Like we knew we should be doing it more, but one or both of us just couldn't do it (okay honestly, not me, I could fake it, but D couldn't/wouldn't try).

And to be honest, when it got close to a year, part of me even wondered why we even bothered to do it often...we'd started out doing it 4-5 times during my fertile window to no avail, so what did it really matter? I recognize that that thinking DEFINITELY didn't help, but I did think it, and those ended up being a month or two when *I* couldn't muster up the will. Like why bother, when I'm already convinced it's not going to work?

Plus there could be a multitude of other reasons--illness, travel, whatever.

And honestly, the month we conceived E we only had sex ONCE, two days prior to ovulation (due to illness). So it's still totally possible.

So to answer your question, no. Especially not of someone who hasn't researched TTC to death. I know when I started I assumed that I'd just have to have unprotected sex ONCE and I'd get pregnant. Because that's what I'd been told for a decade prior to starting. And even people who I know have been trying for a while, I still just assume it's one of the above mentioned reasons, or some other extenuating circumstance.

And I know you didn't mean it to come off as such, but to me, the question did start to tiptoe a bit into "just relax" territory...as a matter of fact, I was once told that I just had to "relax and have sex" to get pregnant., so maybe it hits a little close to home. I just don't think it's ever really as cut and dry as needing to have sex more.

@MrsMccarthy: Okay, I will say that sometimes I am astonished about the lack of sex people are having. But I never go and seek out such information. I'm just astonished when they blast it or post pics of their charts showing low BDing. That being said, my husband works nights, and travels and I travel so it gets hard and I am able to empathize with all situations. To each their own.

I wouldn't wonder. Life gets in the way and/or they may not be charting everything. I know if we were ttc and the right timing were to fall on dh's work days it probably wouldn't happen. The only time we even see each thee is for maybe an hour around 5pm... And dd is awake!

I will say I wonder this as well. Not on ppl on HB, but I was stalking a charting forum specifically to compare optimal timing for BDing and am surprised by how few and far from ovulation some are.

@MrsMccarthy: TTC is just stressful and on-demand sex is not the best. I always think we'll BD more each cycle, but it just doesn't happen. My DH is my best friend, so sometimes we just get lost in other fun things.

I think TTC is hard and stressful at the best of times. When we started, I couldn't believe how nervous I was. I kept thinking 'what if there's something wrong, what if it doesn't work, what if we can't have babies?!' So yah, it made things hard. When I stopped thinking about it after a couple of months, I did get pregnant, but ironically, we had not BDed very much that month because we were moving and very busy. So more isn't always better necessarily. Sometimes, it's just timing and luck. Anyway, all that to say that I try not to judge other people's TTC journey. It's very personal. If they share their charts, it's sort of good information for others who are charting as well. But generally I don't even look because I feel like it's not my business - I'm not really part of that conversation so I almost feel like I'm prying.

I believe knowledge is power, and sometimes, in order to learn something, you need to share your information and get help with the interpretation.

This is where I think people need to be careful. So many people consider themselves an authority and really have no freaking clue, so if you post stuff, expect to get comments from the peanut gallery. Maybe you'll get one gem, but I discount the rest.

I am not an authority on anything related to TTCing. All I can tell you is what I did and what my results were. That means absolutely nothing and I realize this.

@MrsMccarthy: I agree, forced BD is really tough! I remember a few times we had sex because we had to and couldn't finish. I was so disappointed because I wanted to put SOMETHING on my chart to show we had at least tried!

@T.H.O.U.: Been there....nothing worse than not finishing, knowing it's a "missed opportunity," and then having an argument after. UGH UGH UGH @littlek: Yep, I balled too:-(

@ChiCalGoBee: @littlek: I have done that. Definitely doesn't help an already tough situation. Ugh.