We used to all the time as kids. We would go every summer to clean up the area around the tombstones and plant flowers. I think it was a good lesson for us on taking care of family, even when they're gone. If we live close to family, I'd love to teach future LOs to do the same.
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I didn't until my grandma died however it took me almost 2 years to go back after her funeral because I just couldn't handle the thought of her in the ground. It was all too real until I made peace.
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I go visit my grandma.
Eta: I'd go visit my dad if he was someplace but he is in a box at my moms house.
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Not mine...I've only lost my granddaddy, and he's buried in TX (I'm in PA). But DH and sometimes go with my FIL to Arlington to visit the graves of his father, mother and little brother (was 4 when he died) and to watch the Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
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No.
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I go to my grandfathers and my grandmothers, but I don't go frequently. Normally for special days, birthdays, mothers day, etc.
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Nope. For us its important to remember that's "not them" anymore.
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We go to my dad's grave when we are in that state....my mom like to make sure the fake flowers that are in the attached vases are changed periodically. Also, she has a double plot there with my dad, (for the future) so it's likely I'll be visiting there for the rest of my life.
I want to be cremated.
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I visited my dad's burial place yesterday. I go maybe every other month or so and try NOT to go on holidays because the place is jam packed and I just like a couple quiet minutes alone. My mom goes frequently and changes flowers/flags for the according to the upcoming holidays or seasons.
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We go visit DH's brother's grave every month or so (he's only been gone 6 months). I don't think either one of us really believes that he's there, but it's a nice place to go and reflect. We bring a flag and sit and tell M about her uncle and about how happy he was to meet her before he passed.
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I've never been to see my grandma's grave because she's buried in Michigan and I've been in South Carolina and North Carolina but we go visit my FIL sometimes since he was buried in August.
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No we don't believe in burial.
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I did, with my parents for a few years after my sister died, we'd go on her birthday. I don't really go anymore, being *there* just doesn't do anything emotionally for me. I have my moments thinking about her all the time, and don't feel that my physically location of visiting her grave is significant at all.
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Yes, I visit my sweet little niece and my husband's family does a cemetery clean up once a year (they have a private family cemetery).
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I'm fascinated by these responses. Caring for gravesites has always been a thing in my family for one reason or another, so I'm really interested to learn about everyone else's traditions. I'm not sure how much I feel connected, exactly, to the gravesites we visit, but I hate when the stones look uncared for. It makes me really sad.
@mrbee: Do you cremate instead? I'm interested mostly because in our tradition, even when a body is cremated, it's then buried or put in a mausoleum.
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@MrsStormy: That's when we typically go, too. Though I do think that @mrs. 64: has a point. When it's crowded, I don't like it so much.
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@LovelyPlum: we have a small shrine where family ashes are kept. My ashes will be scattered though.
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Nope. It's a nice place to visit (cemetaries are so peaceful), but I believe my relatives are in heaven, it's just their bodies that are in the ground.
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No, I've never visited a family member's grave, even though I drive past the cemetery where my grandparents ashes are housed almost every day.
I have however visited my husband's grandfather's grave multiple times even though it's across the country. His family is just more into that kind of thing.
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@mrbee: Interesting, scattered where?
@LovelyPlum: It has also always been a thing for our families.
I remember going to visit my grandpa often as a child and as an adult DH and I occasionally take a day to visit 2 cemetaries where we each have a decent number of people to visit. Since so many people are together it makes visiting them all easier.
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@mrbee: oh cool. Thanks for sharing
@Grace: I believe they are, too, but we also believe that bodies are still holy. So actually, the ground is blessed in our cemeteries. But I agree on the peaceful part-maybe that's why I like them so much? During the day, that is...you couldn't *pay* me to go at night!!
@Boogs: we do this, too. Growing up, we did it on Memorial Day, at least.
Thanks for sharing, everyone-I know that this is a very personal thing, but I have learned a lot by your responses!:
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@LovelyPlum: I think the cemetaries are blessed etc, in my church too. But for me, it doesn't hold much significance.
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@Boogs: TBD!
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@Grace: gotcha!
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@mrbee: My mom has similar wishes, and says she actually has no preference so it's our choice where we scatter her.
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Very rarely. Most of my local relatives are all buried in the same cemetery that is right down the street from one of the hospitals. The few times I've had to go there for tests or procedures I feel comforted that it is nearby. Its the hospital I hope to give birth in someday also.
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I visit the cemetery where my mom's side of the family is buried. I grew up doing it. It has my grandparents, great-grandparents, great great aunt's and uncles. It's within walking distance of my grandparents' place so when we would visit there we also 'visited the relatives'.
Even though I don't believe they're there I still do it with DH & LO. I just find it comforting. I made a special trip to visit my grandma's grave before LO was born. I wanted to make sure using her name for LO felt right.
I only visit that cemetery though. If you're not there you don't get a visit. Sorry dad's family.
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